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To be annoyed at this "gifting"?

(141 Posts)
luckylucky24 Thu 09-Mar-17 09:55:46

When we found out we were having a girl, lots of people offered us clothes etc. We accepted, sifted through what we wanted and donated what we didn't. Someone at DH work though gave DH 4 bin bags full of clothes, age 2+ so not even useful right now and a lot of it is not even in good condition. There are scuffed shoes and very worn coats. Dh came home with loads of huge toys from her the week after. Again not useful and all too big anyway so they went straight to the tip (some of these were that horrible felt material that cannot be cleaned properly so no use to charity). I started to feel pretty quickly that she was just offloading her crap but DH says he would rather accept it and dispose of it himself than say refuse the stuff.
He brought home a rubber ring the other day! Seriously? WTF gifts a rubber ring?! I pointed out he could have been truthful and said "thanks but DD has one" but he said it was less hassle to accept it.
AIBU to think she is taking the piss and using us to offload stuff she cannot be arsed to dispose of herself?

LilQueenie Thu 09-Mar-17 10:02:41

yes but your dh needs to learn the word no.

Hellmouth Thu 09-Mar-17 10:03:55

I think she is, but your DH is also responsible and needs to grow some balls :D

fourandnomore Thu 09-Mar-17 10:05:53

Oh that is so kind of you and thank you for thinking of us but to be honest people have been so generous with gifts and things that we just don't have room for anything more. We are really grateful for the things you have given us up to now though, thank you. Try something like that, with arms behind back so they can't be filled with stuff, has always worked for me.

2rebecca Thu 09-Mar-17 10:05:57

Agree he needs to say no in future as this is becoming a habit for her. As a one off accept then dispose of stuff you don't want but after that a polite "no thanks you could maybe take it to a charity shop if you don't want it" should suffice. Seems odd to give stuff to someone before first asking if they'd like you to bring it in,

Batteriesallgone Thu 09-Mar-17 10:07:44

Not a good idea to be known at work as someone who will take other people's crap. Literally or figuratively.

PovertyPain Thu 09-Mar-17 10:15:53

Absolutely no help to you, op, but am I the only person who read rubber ring and thought piles? 😕😳 Glad you mentioned your daughter already had one. 😁

WorraLiberty Thu 09-Mar-17 10:17:40

Yes, the rubber ring was probably for your arse grin

luckylucky24 Thu 09-Mar-17 10:18:57

lol poverty.
Yes DH needs to say no. But he won't and I have never met the woman. There are a few nice things in the original bags she gave but the 10 pairs of shoes, most of which were scuffed followed by the rest were just too much.
I am hoping that she has finished her clear out!

EnormousTiger Thu 09-Mar-17 10:32:04

She is just being kind. He could say we have enough but how grateful he is and then she can take it to a charity shop.

Our first children had very little brand new - my daughter jokes even her cloth nappies were second hand although I am not sure I remember that.

LadyOfTheCanyon Thu 09-Mar-17 10:34:09

Thats weird. So she can be bothered to bring it into work (bus/train/car?) to give to your DH but not take it to the tip?
Is it possible she's just got over enthusiastic because your husband is being kind in his thank yous?
Agreed that he just needs to say Thank You But No More firmly though.

Doyouwantabrew Thu 09-Mar-17 10:35:50

She's a cheeky bugger op and your dh needs to say no.

My dh brought me a rubber ring to sit on after having ds1! To the hospital In full view at visiting time. That went well.

TempusEedjit Thu 09-Mar-17 10:36:06

If your DH is accepting everything with gratitude to her face how is the colleague supposed to know that he/you are bothered by scuffed shoes, large toys etc? No wonder she keeps bringing stuff in! It's your DH you should aim your annoyance at, not her.

Nocabbageinmyeye Thu 09-Mar-17 10:36:48

In a few weeks we'll have a thread for:

"Aibu to think I should have got a thank you" I gave loads of stuff to a work friend, I mean I saved them a fortune and not so much as a bottle of wine or a thank you card off his DW, aibu to think this is a bit rude?


"Aibu to ask for my stuff back" I gave a work colleague hundreds worth of baby things, we thought we were finished but I just found out I am expecting no.4, told colleague if he had anything to pass back I'd appreciate it, turns out it all went yo the tip as he was just too embarrassed to tell me he didn't want it, I am raging, I could have used it or passed it to someone who would have been grateful "

Doyouwantabrew Thu 09-Mar-17 10:40:58


RJnomore1 Thu 09-Mar-17 10:42:36

I thought the rubber ring was for you too !

WatchingFromTheWings Thu 09-Mar-17 10:42:41

My sister did that to me. Gave me loads of her DS clothes for my DS. There were pants with skid marks. 5 pairs of socks ALL with the heels worn away (I'm not joking). Shoes scuffed beyond even 'they'll do for the garden' and tshirts that were stained beyond use. The whole lot went on the bin. Not one single item from 2 black bags was useable by any stretch of the imagination.

HeyRoly Thu 09-Mar-17 10:45:53

Some people feel so guilty about throwing things into landfill even if it's a load of useless rubbish.

Totally unfair to offload it onto you. It's lazy and inconsiderate. I'd be embarrassed to pass on a load of crap as hand me downs.

Roanoke Thu 09-Mar-17 10:46:53

People who do this are frankly not being kind.

With bins so regimented now and black bin collection in some places (including mine) on 3 weekly, bin space is at a premium and no one wants to (or can) drive all the way to the tip and sometimes pay charges. Charity shops, for example, often complain that people simply dump bags after bags of total junk on their hands. Collections for refugees and for Calais got bags of rubbish including stained, soiled bedding, high heels and wedding dresses. My town is a hotbed of flytipping now, all the green spaces, verges and gardens are having full, overflowing binliners tossed into them and not a day goes by I don't see furniture, old appliances and household trash left on pavements.

She's basically got bagged up shit, can't be arsed tackling it herself and is offloading it onto your husband under the guise of kindness, ready to pull the emotional strings if he declines. She's probably got a spare bedroom free now.

HeyRoly Thu 09-Mar-17 10:49:33

She's basically got bagged up shit, can't be arsed tackling it herself and is offloading it onto your husband under the guise of kindness, ready to pull the emotional strings if he declines. She's probably got a spare bedroom free now.

Nail on head grin

daisychain01 Thu 09-Mar-17 10:49:37

And the replies on AIBU will be

Aibu to think I should have got a thank you No, tough, you sound entitled! you don't give your cast-offs away, expecting something in return.

Aibu to ask for my stuff back No, tough, too late too late will be the cry, quit yer whinging!

OP I can't stand the "off loading" habit. YANBU

NightWanderer Thu 09-Mar-17 10:55:59

I agree, making your shit someone else's problem isn't being kind. He needs to man up though and say thanks but no more.

Maylani Thu 09-Mar-17 10:59:03

What's the difference between a scuffed shoe and a brand new £44 one from a Clarks shop?

In my son's case, an average of 3 days.

I suppose when they're tiny they don't go through much stuff but by the time he hit nursery, I've been rather grateful for hand me downs where I didn't need to worry about paint, mud, rips from climbing trees etc.

But if you're not, just say so and try be gracious about it.

Nocabbageinmyeye Thu 09-Mar-17 11:05:06

I meant to yanbu by the way op, I hate being offloaded shite too but a lot of people don't realise its shite so your dh needs to say no. One mans trash and all that

Daisychain you'd be right about the first aibu but not the second, if someone posted a thread to say someone dumped all their things because they were to afraid of offending them to say no then I think people would agree it was a waste. Dumping because you don't want to say no = not OK. Dumping when you are finished with it = fine. All this based on the assumption the woman sees the stuff as OK now.

He needs to just say no, or for as long as he works there he will get cast off bags

JonesyAndTheSalad Thu 09-Mar-17 11:09:20

My sister does this sort of thing...but she includes good things too so I can't really moan. She will send bin bags of things and there might be three really nice items in each one but the rest will be stained or holey tops. "To play in"

I have to skip them!

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