To insist MIL only babysits at our house

[Mossy83]

Long time MN user but first ever post.

I feel bad insisting MIL babysit at our house all the time but she has this giant dog that I really don't trust. He probably wouldn't harm DS but he does get jealous when MIL's attention is taken away and barks at DS and tries to steal things out of his changing bag.

DS is only 6 months btw.

I know MIL would love to have DS in her home town and is always saying people want to meet him. I have taken him there a few times myself but I think she would like to show him off on her own.

AIBU to say no and that she has to come here? WWYD?

[Floggingmolly]

Why can't she take him out on her own when you go and visit?

[Mossy83]

The dog would want to go too if she goes out! I worry about her handling both at the same time.

[Birdsgottaf1y]

Have you discussed the issues around the dog?

Does she have an outside kennel etc?

[Mossy83]

Also sorry to drop feed but she's looks after him while I'm getting a bit of work done one afternoon a week so I don't really want to babysit the dog while I'm answeing emails etc

[Mossy83]

She's so lovely and helpful and she loves that dog so much I'm loathe to say anything. But you're right we should probably discuss it

[Floggingmolly]

How much attention does the dog need? . You're talking sbout it as if it was another child.

[TiredMumToTwo]

Can't she keep the dog in a different room while your son's there? Can you agree some ground rules for the dog? I'm a huge dog lover but if someone didn't want my dogs around their baby I would understand & comply with their wishes.

[Mossy83]

He's a rescue dog so needs lots of attention. I think he has abandonment issues. Even when DH and I got married MIL went home early to take care of the dog!

[IadoreEfteling]

sorry but as dog lover too I wouldn't trust the dog at the moment.

Baby comes first. I would say to her - your worried sick and can you look after him at yours, or take him out from yours but away from dog.

[Mossy83]

Thanks for your replies, it's been really helpful to hear from dog owners. I will def discuss with MIL

[cjt110]

My son has been with my parents since he was 6 months. They have a labradoodle who is huge. They have always kept him upstairs with my Dad or in the kitchen with a gate across. My son adores the dog and they get on great. Even now at 2.5y my parents do not have the dog in the same room as my son.

I would lay down, as we did with my parents, how you are concerned and can they make some adjustments to allow her to have some bonding time with the GC.

[Caenea]

I'd be saying to her "I don't trust the dog. You know he barks/takes the changing bag etc, and that makes me a little nervous. What can we do to make sure the dog isn't around the baby if the baby is at your house?" and starting up the conversation. Forgive me if I've got the wrong impression but it doesn't sound like any conversation has taken place yet and you would be VVU to insist all babysitting be at your house without at least attempting to talk about it first.

If she cannot or will not guarantee the dog won't be near the baby then by all means advise you'd prefer babysitting be done at yours. Just then be prepared for her to maybe withdraw baby sitting help.

[persicaria]

Get another babysitter who can be relied on to concentrate 100% on the task.

[Mossy83]

No, no conversation yet. I've just started back at work this week (one day a week) so this is the first time she will be babysitting. I will def discuss the dog - thanks for your advice.

[Caenea]

Aye, you never know - she might say "Oh, i didn't realise you were so worried! We can pop him in the kitchen/garden/bedroom, no issue!"

Especially if she isn't your typical MN MIL and a nice reasonable type!

[unfortunateevents]

Problem is if you are asking her to do childcare as a favour to you, it's difficult to place restrictions, no matter how reasonable or important to you, on that care. I wouldn't be happy with the large rescue dog/small baby scenario either but I don't think you can ask her to come to your house every week in order to do you a favour to enable you to work.

[pointztaken]

I do love dogs, I have 2! No way would I leave my baby with a dog that's not mine (and even with mine, never alone!), and it's worst if it's a rescue dog. You just cannot take that risk.

Nothing wrong with explaining to your MIL how concerned you are. You are absolutely right about the dog. She might have thought about it herself and it's already obvious to her to keep the dog away. I would rather lose a babysitter than my kid becoming a news item.

[Doyouwantabrew]

Yes be honest op baby safety is everyone's top priority.

I am sat here with my grandson playing and our Yorkie right by me. She's the gentlest dog around but I never ever leave them alone together. I always mention that to my ddil because she needs to be reassured that although I adore my dog she's still a dog.

My concern for your situation would be the love mist your mil may have for her dog and her belief he wouldn't hurt your child.

She must understand it's a dog and while your baby is present she must keep them apart or be super vigilant.

[AbernathysFringe]

I love dogs and have two, one rescue. Totally agree with you OP. It's a rescue so she really doesn't know what issues it might have yet with children and your baby shouldn't be the guinea pig that is thrust upon it when she babysits. Very gradual process to get the dog used to the baby and then the older baby used to acting correctly around the dog.
If she's anything like my ExP's mum though, she will put the dog first. Very weird and annoying but she refused to come to DD's first birthday as dog was car sick and couldn't be left with dog sitter or anyone else and she refuses to put the dog even in the next room (with glass door so dog can see and isn't even lonely) when we visit for a couple of hours. Irrational and weird babying of dog. If your MILs dog has abandonment issues it would make it very jealous of your baby if it associated it with being shut away, so she needs to work on that first - training the dog to deal with being in another room for increasing periods of time. Having a radio on can help, as can a chew toy, removal of any temptations like bin/shoes etc that he might destroy.

[Girliefriendlikesflowers]

YANBU I would be unhappy about a baby being around a large dog that I didn't trust.

I would have an honest chat with your mil about it, how long has she had the dog for?

[Angelh09]

OP my own DM is like this with her dog (it actually is her child!!!!)
However, she had no issue caging the dog when DD was there as she couldn' t trust her. Your MIL may surprise you and already have a plan for when your DS is there just hasn't raised it as hasn't been an issue yet.

[DJBaggySmalls]

YANBU, the dogs behaviour is not that of a trustworthy dog.

[Doyouwantabrew]

It's not the dog that's the issue though it's the mils attitude to it.

I adore my dog she's my baby as my youngest baby is 17 but but but I don't let her alone with my year old grandson ever because that's not fair on the dog or the baby.

[Mossy83]

thank you all so much for the good advice. DH and I are going to have a chat with MIL this afternoon about how best to or handle the dog. She is a very unMN reasonableness MIL so hopefully will want to help put our minds at ease.

[blankmind]

I'd keep your arrangement to only having your dogless MIL at your house, because that's the safest option.

With the best will in the world and the best of intentions, MIL cannot guarantee that her beloved pooch would not be alone with the baby unless he's literally locked out of her house which isn't a good solution for anyone.