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AIBU?

Wanting more help at home on work days

26 replies

Rainbowsockstoday · 09/03/2017 07:59

I work part time and my DH works full time but travels all over the country so usually has a day a week WFH which I use as a work day whilst he looks after DC.

On his WFH days he never has much to do except a couple of phone calls so I don't feel bad using him as a babysitter. However he doesn't even do babysitting properly as DC has said he takes them round to their grandparents and leaves them there! He also uses WFH days to play sport too so it's not hard to make time for his child!

What annoys me though is that he sits watching TV on a morning whilst I get breakfasts, empty dishwasher, make lunch and tidy up. Then as I'm rushing around to get to work he asks why I haven't got DC's clothes out yet! Adding insult this morning he commented to DC "I guess we'll have to get the duster out whilst mummy goes out" as if I'm off on a jolly! I do all the housework and 100% childcare when I'm in.

As per another thread I'm probably just sleep deprived and over sensitive so being bitchy to me will get a bad reaction!

OP posts:

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harderandharder2breathe · 09/03/2017 08:03

WFH means WORK from home not look after your children (he's their parent he's not a babysitter.) YABU for expecting him to do both.

Yanbu for expecting him to do more in the mornings than sit watching tv.

mollymaid16 · 09/03/2017 08:16

A parent doesn't babysit?

You need to put your foot down with him perhaps the night before he has the child that day you need to say ok I'm getting dressed for work and sorting myself then I'm off so make sure your up to feed the child and dress them etc as I've to get to work and then follow through with this then it will become routine. If he just sits on his arse then say ' excuse me can you feed the child etc'

Rainbowsockstoday · 09/03/2017 08:21

@harderandharder WFH does mean work it doesn't mean drop your child off with his grandparents and go play golf with your friends! He goes out weekends with friends most weekends so why on the one day of the week when he should want to see his child does he not bother. If he was dropping him off because he had a lot to do I'd understand. Also I WFH on the days I'm not in and somehow I manage to fit it around our DC!

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Trifleorbust · 09/03/2017 08:21

harderandharder2breathe:

This, but with kinder wording

He shouldn't be doing childcare and work at the same time, even WFH. But he shouldn't be sitting on his arse while you run round like a blue-arsed fly either.

Trifleorbust · 09/03/2017 08:23

OP, neither of you should be in sole charge of your DC whilst 'working from home'. Do your employers know? Does his employer know he goes out playing golf instead of working?

Rainbowsockstoday · 09/03/2017 08:23

@mollymaid16 our DC feeds himself even so it's literally a case of sitting with him at the table. He sits at the dinner table with us watching horse racing on his phone and checking twitter so why can't he do that on a morning?! He's really getting my goat ATM because I'm doing the sleep struggle by myself and it's just making me a bitch

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Rainbowsockstoday · 09/03/2017 08:28

@trifleorbust he's management so no one checks on him and he takes his work phone so can reply to messages and emails whilst playing.

I WFH as well and can manage to keep the house running, child happy and work completed. Plus when I'm out at work I'm home by 3pm and take over again then. I just think I'd like more help on a morning or even a hand at night

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yorkshirepuddingandroastbeef · 09/03/2017 08:32

He sounds like a lazy toad.

WFH actually means WORK FROM HOME not make a couple of phone calls then sit on sofa watching Jeremy Kyle or playing sport or looking after children.

What job does he do? He should be aware that companies can check on work activity with laptop keylogger software. DH's old company had it.

Dixiestamp · 09/03/2017 08:35

I really want to know what kind of jobs people do that allow them to 'work', look after kids and 'keep the house running'- all at the same time, or play sports (genuinely!).

yorkshirepuddingandroastbeef · 09/03/2017 08:35

Manager? How convenient. Sounds like my old boss who 'worked from home' on Monday and Friday while I worked my arse off in the office.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 09/03/2017 08:39

He sounds lazy. What is his job? If something quite simple I can imagine he might be able to look after child and work but generally you need other childcare to work from home.

Trifleorbust · 09/03/2017 08:40

Right, well either way, if he has time for golf and TV he has time for looking after his child.

Rainbowsockstoday · 09/03/2017 08:52

Well the days I've been home when he's been WFH he's wandered around havin a late breakfast. Made a few phone calls, long lunch and then played PS4 whilst replying to emails. Sorry if I thought maybe he could adjust that high pressure day to do six hours of childcare in which I come home half way through to do lunch!

I am a teacher and exam moderator so my job can easily be done around childcare during the day as I do it at night and during baptime.

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FarAwayHills · 09/03/2017 08:58

If he can manage to watch TV, play with his phone and go play golf while 'working' from home he can certainly shift his selfish lazy arse and pull his weight around the house rather than watching you run yourself into the ground.

Working part time AND doing all the housework, meals and looking after DCs is incredibly hard work. You are not being sensitive OP your DH is being a selfish arse. You need to talk to him about it before you make yourself ill.

My DH once made a comment about me working part time and being 'lucky to have time to myself'. Let's just say he's never made a comment like that again

yorkshirepuddingandroastbeef · 09/03/2017 08:59

Well, if he's working from home he should be doing just that WORKING FROM HOME. That does not include long lunches, playing PS4, playing sport, watching tv or looking after children.

It;s people like your 'D'H who give working from home bad press because the rest of the the poor sods in the office really are working. Perhaps I too shall become a manager. Sounds like a piece of piss.

Dixiestamp · 09/03/2017 09:24

Ah, Rainbow, fellow moderator here! I'd like to see you try play sports and PS4 while doing that, eh?! If he can do that he could easily do more, as pp have said.

harderandharder2breathe · 09/03/2017 09:39

Okay so sounds like he's not working at all when working from home which is not ok. But if he's not going to work then he should look after the children.

SanityAssassin · 09/03/2017 09:59

Usually my DH is gone before we get up but today he had a local meeting so went in later - did he help me???? absolutely not! When I asked him to do something he was "oh I just need to go to the loo first"..... This is a man who pulls in a six figure salary but can't manage breakfast with his kids....

Trifleorbust · 09/03/2017 10:52

SanityAssassin:

Don't get me started on "Can I just..."

Rainbowsockstoday · 09/03/2017 12:49

I get people at work (without children and one who has a nanny) saying how lucky I am to have only three days at work and a long weekend (I don't work Mondays). My OH knows he's into a sweet deal with his job and recently applied for another. He didn't get it and didn't mind because he realised he's into a good thing right now. My PIL mock him about the fact he's never working.

I think I make a point of doing my work on a night when he's watching TV to show him that actually it's possible to do both (he can also do his work then as, like me, it's a "as long as the work gets done" situation). I also cheat sometimes with housework because DC likes to help so I make it a race putting toys away so I can hoover 😆 and clean the floors. Plus he plays well as long as I'm there with him so I can sometimes get dinner made too because he likes chopping his pretend food and copying.

I wouldn't have started the thing of him babysitting whilst WFH if he actually put a full day in. Trust me I've been there on his days at home and very little work is done sometimes.

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Cuppaand2biscuits · 09/03/2017 15:08

You are not being unreasonable. On my work days when dh cares for our children after he's finished work, he leaves the house in a mess. Doesn't tidy up, doesn't load or start the dishwasher. Basically leaves me catching up the next day.

FarAwayHills · 09/03/2017 17:07

Is it a case that what you do is 'wife work' OP and he is far too busy and important to do any of that.

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BackforGood · 09/03/2017 17:32

YANBU in wanting him to pull his weight, however, YABU to give the impression he is somehow doing you a favour, and that he is 'babysitting' or 'helping you'.
You need to have a long talk about responsibilities / parenting / keeping a house, and equal time off.
The issue is around him sitting watching TV whilst you are doing all the daily grind.

Rainbowsockstoday · 09/03/2017 17:43

He is helping me out though because I get to have an extra day at work some weeks. My work isn't just "wife work" I have an actual job I go out to and get paid for!

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Rainbowsockstoday · 09/03/2017 17:52

Came home to a bonus today. My mil has cleaned the house so dh doesn't get in trouble for being out tomorrow as well playing golf! We are having photos taken Tuesday though so I'm under strict instructions to have it perfect!

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