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AIBU?

Wanting to work instead of college

60 replies

DisneyPrincessAtHeart · 08/03/2017 23:40

Hi everyone, so basically I don't want to go to college and I've gotten myself a job but my parents are not being supportive at all. AIBU to want to move out and go to work? ATBU saying I'm ruining my life and that I shouldn't do what will make me happy? I'm so confused and I'm in a lose-lose situation.

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SparkleSunshine201 · 09/03/2017 01:27

I think YABU and you should listen to your parents. You will get a much better career if you get some qualifications and the college years will pass in no time.

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blueskyinmarch · 09/03/2017 01:53

Getting a job and not going to college is absolutely fine. College isn't for everyone and there is still no guarantee of a job at the end. You may want to go to college later on in life and that's fine too. Well done for getting a job.

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HirplesWithHaggis · 09/03/2017 01:55

What's the job? Are there prospects of further training, promotion, a career? Can you afford to move out, bearing in mind you're too young to get Housing Benefits? What qualifications do you have atm? What is it about college that makes you so unhappy?

If you don't go to college now, you can still do so later, so you're not "ruining your life", but it's harder when you're older (perhaps with bills to pay, or even children to support). Your parents almost certainly want what's best for you. Can you sit down with them and explain your position? Reach some sort of compromise - like, try work for a year, if that's not making you happy either, then you'll go to college?

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crunched · 09/03/2017 02:00

Not unreasonable at all OP.
Great initiative shown in getting a job, with two teenagers in school I can see it is so much easier for them to follow the crowd into college/uni.
As bluesky says, not going to college doesn't preclude it from being an option later by which time you can make a more informed choice.

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AndKnowItsSeven · 09/03/2017 02:27

yabu, how old are you?

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EmiliaAirheart · 09/03/2017 04:16

You're not being unreasonable to want one path over the other, as long as you own your choices and the consequences.

If you say you'd rather work, just do it and move out or contribute financially at home.

However, you should be aware that often, a taste of the entry-level working world is sufficient motivation to go back to study, and it's much harder to do so later in life when your parents are no longer financially supporting you.

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BitchQueen90 · 09/03/2017 06:07

Personally I don't think higher education is the most important thing in the world but I would say it depends what sort of career you want. I left college to work as a waitress and it's a shit job with shit money so I wouldn't recommend that. What exactly is the job? If you want to work would you do an apprenticeship?

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BewtySkoolDropowt · 09/03/2017 06:38

In what way is this a lose-lose situation?

College can be done further down the line should you choose to go, it's not a one time only thing.

There's no point in going to college because someone else wants you to. You won't be happy, won't do your best and what's the point in that?

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DomesticAnarchist · 09/03/2017 06:43

Have you looked at apprenticeships? Would probably keep all parties happy: amazingapprenticeships.com

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Devilishpyjamas · 09/03/2017 06:44

How old are you? Presumably 18+ in which case you get to choose what you do - not your parents.

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Klaphat · 09/03/2017 06:47

College, if we're not talking about university here as some people seem to think, is NOT so easy to do later on. Do it while you're entitled to it for free.

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Devilishpyjamas · 09/03/2017 06:50

But everyone has to be in some sort of education or training until 18 now don't they?? Which was why I was assuming 18 plus?

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dudsville · 09/03/2017 07:05

My oh began work straight away. He has a great work ethic and after a few odd jobs in his early years he got into a large organisation and worked his way up to a manager role on £50 grand a year. I went to uni and beyond and am on £55 a year. We're both v happy with the paths we took. Don't waste a degree if your heart's not in it. I didn't go to uni until I was 24. I loved it and did well because it was what I wanted and I pulled out all the stops to focus on my chosen subject. It would have been wasted on 18 year old me.

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lavenderandrose · 09/03/2017 07:09

Far, far, better, in my view, to work now, and postpone any major decisions.

All you will gain from working now is money.

Whereas doing a course you aren't interested in, or one that ultimately won't lead to work, may rob you of the opportunity of doing so in future.

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december10th · 09/03/2017 07:16

what do you mean by going to university now while its free? it certainly isn't free in England

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december10th · 09/03/2017 07:17

oh sorry you were referring to FE college

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Klaphat · 09/03/2017 08:03

But everyone has to be in some sort of education or training until 18 now don't they?? Which was why I was assuming 18 plus?

I googled and it seems to only be the case in England. Plus you can work as long as you're in training as well for a certain number of hours per week - though I feel the OP would have mentioned it if that was the proposal.

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expatinscotland · 09/03/2017 08:09

YANBU

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EdwardBear1920 · 09/03/2017 08:10

Disney, I'm a massive supporter of Higher and Further Education, but even so, if you're not ready for college yet, there's really no point in forcing yourself there.

A year or so of work experience doesn't mean that you have closed the door on college forever. It might be that once you've experienced the world of work for a while, you'll be better able to understand what you want in the future.

Your parents aren't being unreasonable to offer you advice, but I think they are being unreasonable to say you're ruining your life. You need to hear all of the arguments first, but not be forced into it with emotional threats.

Think of it this way - loads of people take a gap year between college and university and they are not 'ruining their lives' by going off travelling or whatnot. All you're doing is taking yours a bit early and focussing on career rather than travel.

Either way, good luck with whatever you choose (which is probably what your parents should say rather than the ruining your life melodrama).

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TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/03/2017 08:12

Difficult without knowing the specifics but I think that some people are better off returning to education after a period in employment. I wouldn't go to university just because everyone else is. There's a guarantee of a massive debt (in the U.K.) but it won't necessarily improve your job prospects.

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WaitrosePigeon · 09/03/2017 08:12

It's your life, do what you think is best. Sometimes though, when we are young what we think is best often isn't.

The good thing about education is that you can always go back to it.

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DisneyPrincessAtHeart · 09/03/2017 13:14

Hi everyone, thank you for your replies. I spoke to my parents as the company I'm going to work for offer qualifications yet my parents won't agree to that. They just get angry and make me feel awful about my choice which will help my mental state. I went through a traumatic time in high school and they wouldn't let me have a year off between high school and college which made me drop out of college anyway and become even more depressed then I already was. I do have the option of night college yet I don't even want to do that. My mum and dad are not helping me at all unless I got to college. I don't not want to state my age, sorry. I respect my parents yet they are showing not respect to my choice of going to work. They also compare me to my brother who screwed his life up saying I'll be like him. I'm in a lose-lose situation because if I go to college I'll be unhappy, depressed and not myself but if I got to work my parents will continue to imply I'm a disappointment.

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blueskyinmarch · 09/03/2017 13:20

Disneyprincess I know you don't want to state your age but I am assuming you are between 17-19. Is there anything to stop you from taking the job and moving out of the family home? Or take the job stay at home but maybe agree that you review the situation after 2 years. If you aren't making progress then consider college?

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amusedbush · 09/03/2017 13:22

I left school at 17 and got an admin job. I've worked my butt off over the last ten years and I'm earning a good salary, I did college at night and I'm doing my degree part time.

My friends all went to uni straight from school. Only one of them is working in their chosen field, two had to retrain because they couldn't find jobs and I earn more than many of them. Of course it doesn't always work out that way but it worked well for me.

It's not always the end of the world, and college/uni isn't always right for everyone. My brother isn't academic so he got an apprenticeship and he's infinitely happier.

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TiredMumToTwo · 09/03/2017 13:22

I think if you are not willing to disclose your age then you are too young to not be taking your parents' views on board. It's easier to gain qualifications whilst you're young & have your parents' support & qualifications give you more choice on job prospects and give you an advantage over others. I don't think college is for everyone but it sounds like you're not looking at the bigger picture & only thinking about now which is probably why your parents' are concerned about your choices.