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To refuse to decorate teenage DD's bedroom while it is in a constant disgusting mess.

(32 Posts)
acornsandnuts Wed 08-Mar-17 16:11:15

She is 15, and since around 11 years old her room has become increasingly gross. Washing never gets put in the washing basket, food that isn't allowed upstairs is taken up and left for weeks, bins never emptied, makeup strewn across her desk so no way of doing homework, makeup smeared on walls. Well, you get the scene. I don't hound her with the exception of the washing and food brought down. She loses money by way of strikes, three strikes being £5, this has had a small effect on her but not enough.

She asked around the new year for her bedroom to be decorated, I had said yes on the condition that it is kept reasonable, not perfect, for a length of time. She hasn't. But is now stropping that it's because she hates her room that it's so untidy and if it was decorated she would keep it nice.

So who is BU. Me? Should I decorate it and hope the promise of tidy is followed though, which I highly doubt, or should she just suck it up and unless it's kept reasonable realise it ain't gonna happen.

Annesmyth123 Wed 08-Mar-17 16:12:35

If she wants to decorate it let her crack on. I wouldn't be doing it if it were a midden.

Mummymoanasaurus Wed 08-Mar-17 16:16:43

Tell her she needs to clear all the rubbish out and give it a good clean and then you can see what needs doing to decorate it. Ask her what colour/ideas she has in mind to hopefully spur her on. If she can't be bothered and she wants you to do it all I wouldn't be inclined!

gleam Wed 08-Mar-17 16:18:04

I would suggest going ahead and decorating. Get her to help. She may surprise you by taking pride in her room when it's done.

If you clean and tidy a room and it still looks shit because of the poor decor, there's not much incentive for cleaning and tidying.

SaucyJack Wed 08-Mar-17 16:18:54

Does it need decorating, or is it an excuse? It is harder to maintain enthusiasm for tidying up if everything's so old and tatty that it won't ever look nice anyway.

When's her birthday? You could maybe give her a bedroom makeover as a present- that way you could hopefully break the stalemate without losing face.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Wed 08-Mar-17 16:19:32

She needs to prove it's worth decorating.
Make up on the walls? WHAT?

Blossomdeary Wed 08-Mar-17 16:19:34

I had 3 DDs and the rule was: your bedroom, your mess. I just kept out and left them to it. And that also went for decorating - if they wanted it done, they did it themselves.

One painted hers black with huge murals on the ceiling - ghastly, bur her room, her taste.

Stand back and let her get on with it - your sanity will thank you for it.

acornsandnuts Wed 08-Mar-17 16:20:53

I asked her to clear it last weekend so I could get to the woodwork and start but she couldn't even be arsed to do that.

There was actually nothing wrong with her room but her rubbing makeup on the walls has made it very grubby, actually all her bedding is ruined with makeup aswell.

2410ang Wed 08-Mar-17 16:23:41

Err confiscate the make-up until she can show some respect?! No way would I have got away with smearing make-up on the walls and the bedding! shock

gleam Wed 08-Mar-17 16:25:58

Could you go in with a 'let's clear this up and then paint it together' attitude?

Sherlock35 Wed 08-Mar-17 16:26:10

I'm having the same thing with my 10 year old. Except I've told her she can't have friends over either until it's tidy. She's not doing it so am scheduling a day where I just take in a roll of bin bags and get rid of as much as I can.

You have my sympathies, OP. I wouldn't be rushing to decorate if there was make up on the walls.

acornsandnuts Wed 08-Mar-17 16:28:43

Could you go in with a 'let's clear this up and then paint it together' attitude?

Tried this, she won't entertain me touching 'her stuff'.

acornsandnuts Wed 08-Mar-17 16:30:51

The other thing is she has asked for a double bed in place of her day bed, which is a lot of money. Again, nothing wrong with the bed she has, which she pleaded for three years ago.

RentANDBills Wed 08-Mar-17 16:35:46

You have told her you will decorate it if she keeps it tidy.
She has not kept it tidy.
Therefore do not decorate it.

RentANDBills Wed 08-Mar-17 16:36:57

Invite her to save up for a new bed if she wants one, and you'll allow her to sell her old bed to contribute too.

PollyBanana Wed 08-Mar-17 16:37:10

Well if she can't be arsed to clear it up so that you can paint, how exactly does she expect it to be decorated?
(Remembers next door neighbour who painted her filthy kitchen to make it look better. This including painting over dried on baked beans on skirting board...)

Justwantcookies Wed 08-Mar-17 16:42:13

YANBU. Tell her if she can't keep it tidy for a certain period of time, it wont get decorated because you don't believe her that she will keep it nice afterwards.

Just keep repeating that. if she really wants it done eventually she will sort it out.

No advice on the bed though, maybe through that in the equation as a bonus for keeping the newly decorated room nice for a certain period of time

Ladyformation Wed 08-Mar-17 16:43:51

YANBU. She's 15. You gave her a condition and she hasn't met it. Therefore, if she wants it decorated, she can pay for it/do it herself.

SeaCabbage Wed 08-Mar-17 16:45:59

This is what I have said to my 15 year old.

I haven't had to go to B&Q yet.

Loopytiles Wed 08-Mar-17 16:47:07

She is BU. She wants improvements she should clean up and keep it decent for a while first.

Why would you pay for a double bed when she ruins her bedding with make up?

If she behaves like that in future rented accommodation she'll be losing her deposits!

Lemondrop09 Wed 08-Mar-17 16:50:31

She's got to meet you half way on this, she's old enough to know how to take care of things.

Personally I'd lay out the following deal

1. Currently room needs clearing out and cleaning (you'd have to clear it for decorating anyway). As above, it is hard to be motivated to keep on top of a room that's already a mess. So first step, sort the current room out. Offer to help her, but if she choose not to because you're touching her stuff, then that's her decision

2. Keep clean room in reasonable state for a length of time to prove she can respect her room

3. If both steps adhered to, agree to decorate room

I have no idea how she is managing to smear make up everywhere! That needs to stop, or if she's incapable of not making a mess, she needs to apply it in the bathroom. I once got mascara on my bedding as a teenager, but never on the walls confused

Finally I like the suggestion above that she can have a double bed, but needs to save towards or from pocket/birthday/Christmas money and perhaps some chores around the house to earn more? And yeah, let her Gumtree her old bed towards it

I think this is a more than fair way to tackle it. You've tried to compromise and she's not having it. She can't just get what she wants without some effort on her part

RedAndYellowPeppers Wed 08-Mar-17 16:53:04

At that age, I redecorated my bedroom myself (as in doing all the painting in the walls and skirting board).
I would tell her that if she wants her room to be decorated, she needs to do it herself but that younwill be happy to help if needed.
Then let her get in with it.

If she does make the effort and then damages everything it will be up to her to realise how all her efforts have been wasted.

RedAndYellowPeppers Wed 08-Mar-17 16:54:55

The bed is another issue.
What she thinks is great when she was 12yo will be very different than what she thinks is great at 15yo.
They are changing a lot in that time so I'm surprised about that.

I would be more flexible about the bed.

MrsTwix Wed 08-Mar-17 16:56:57

We have this situation with DSD. It's not happening until she tidies up.

Gatekeeper Wed 08-Mar-17 16:59:41

Don't do it! I decorated my dds room just before Christmas after similar complaints. She said she wanted a room like on Tumblr confused so I has a look on pinterest etc and we came up with ideas. Grey walls, whitewashed furniture, huge sheepskin rug, fairy lights, new bedding etc. Three months on and its a bloody tip again ..grrr

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