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To hide upstairs until he has gone!

(47 Posts)
redfacedkillme Wed 08-Mar-17 12:37:11

Sooo there's this gorgeous and I mean gorgeous bloke here doing some work on the house that involved having all the water turned off.

He showed up early this morning and I hadn't had chance to go to the toilet.. I have needed a poo since the early morning and I don't know the neighbours that well.

Anyway my house is only small he is In the front room if it's pretty silent and I was in the kitchen I decided to use the time I'm stuck at home to sort through bits and bobs and do some chores I wouldn't usually have much time for.. I bent over and I farted really loudly. I tried to disguise it my pretending that my sponge had squeaked against something while I was cleaning (I did fill the sink with hot soapy water before the water was switched off) the disguise I am sure didn't work and now I'm hid in the bedroom dying of embarrassment!

Fuck my life!

Dawndonnaagain Wed 08-Mar-17 12:38:28

Oh dear! grin

RiversrunWoodville Wed 08-Mar-17 12:40:06

wine it may be early but you deserve it

Gingernut81 Wed 08-Mar-17 12:42:08

I'm sorry, but you've just really cheered me up grin FWIW it's generally me that does stuff like that

redfacedkillme Wed 08-Mar-17 12:42:49

Make it a whole bottle!

I still really need a poo by the way! I wonder if I could fit into dds nappies? grin

DearMrDilkington Wed 08-Mar-17 12:43:43


Everyone farts, dont worry about it!

redfacedkillme Wed 08-Mar-17 12:45:03

I've just offered him a cup of tea... he said no. Probably thinks dirty bitch.

Happyandhungry Wed 08-Mar-17 12:46:14

I went to the doctors today the waiting room was silent and there was about 6 of us in there. A lady farted really loud and then laughed and said "i had beans last night" we just all laughed even though it was rank. Just go for a poo everyone does it!

Afreshstartplease Wed 08-Mar-17 12:46:46

Could be worse

Imagine if he caught you trying to get into a nappy ...

ilovesooty Wed 08-Mar-17 12:47:04

Oh just ask the neighbours.

ElsieMc Wed 08-Mar-17 12:47:35

Well you've made me lol op! You don't have a dog you could blame do you as my poor cocker gets the blame for everything.

Sunnysky2016 Wed 08-Mar-17 12:47:45

Thank you for making me laugh!!

redfacedkillme Wed 08-Mar-17 12:47:59

I can't go for a poo because I can't flush it away... I had a couple of wines last night aswell could you imagine!?

That's hilarious! I would of been on the floor!

redfacedkillme Wed 08-Mar-17 12:49:44

No dog! Dd is out with a relative to get her away from the noise and mess. Nobody to blame haha!

Mind you we got past the first fart and he didn't run... this one is marriage material I reckon gringrin

caz323 Wed 08-Mar-17 12:56:55

Oh dear, thanks for the laugh, OP.

What with your thread and the auto correct blunder of "chicken cock" in Chat (she meant chicken stock ), I've been in stitches!

VestalVirgin Wed 08-Mar-17 13:04:08

Next time, put a bucket of water in the bathroom before water is turned off, so you can flush the toilet in an emergency.

For now, just go to the neighbours. I'm sure they'll understand.

Annesmyth123 Wed 08-Mar-17 13:06:21

Why can't you just go next door and ask to use their loo?

user1488723505 Wed 08-Mar-17 13:08:37

Unless you've already flushed it, the toilet cistern will be full of water. Enough for a flush. Just go!!

WatchingFromTheWings Wed 08-Mar-17 13:10:16

Can't you nip out to your nearest large Tesco/Asda/Sainsbury's and use their loo??

gamerchick Wed 08-Mar-17 13:13:03

Ask one of your neighbours to fill a bucket up and use that to flush.

I do admire you to be able to hold it in after alcohol though, do you have buns of steel?

WeirdAndPissedOff Wed 08-Mar-17 13:14:24

^ what User and Vestal said. There should be enough for one flush in the toilet, and if not if you can get any quantity of water from anywhere you can "flush" manually by tossing the water down.

wine For you, anyway. Though he's probaby forgotten by now even if he did hear it!

ppeatfruit Wed 08-Mar-17 13:18:34

Or cover it in toilet paper down the loo grin It'll be worse if you do it in your pants fgs. [grin[

ppeatfruit Wed 08-Mar-17 13:19:13

And spray some air freshener about.

PeachyImpeachment Wed 08-Mar-17 13:19:58

Hilarious - would be very funny if he were to catch you with a nappy, having already witnessed that. Can you not use water from the kettle to flush?

Topseyt Wed 08-Mar-17 13:21:20

There will be enough water in the toilet cistern for one flush. It just won't fill back up again until the water is turned back on.

Just go.

And thanks for the laugh.😀

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