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To not give up smoking just yet?

(39 Posts)
MadJeffBarn Wed 08-Mar-17 12:17:46

Okay so before I write my list of excuses I know smoking is horrible, expensive, smelly, and above all a danger to my health. My partner has recently decided to quit, and wants me to quit too. I know that people quitting can be grumpy but it's causing arguments, him saying that I'm not being supportive. I've not been smoking around him and cut down loads so that I don't tempt him or so he can smell it on me. But I'm not ready to give up yet. It's my only vice in life, and I'm at a very stressful period in my life and I don't feel it's the right time and being forced and guilted into it is setting me up to fail. Again I know I'm full of excuses but it's a powerful addiction and it's intimidating. Anyone who has quit successfully, any tips? What made you decide you were ready (aside from the obvious!)

Larryduff Wed 08-Mar-17 12:21:09

It was someone telling me I couldn't do it that finally helped me. But I'd had loads of failed attempts so I would say it will only work when you're fully ready to commit.

ClopySow Wed 08-Mar-17 12:21:11

You can't stop because someone else wants you to, it's just setting yourself up for failure

Larryduff Wed 08-Mar-17 12:22:20

I read that Atkins book and used patches for 3 months but it took about a year before I could go for a night out without temptation. Good luck!

tabithakitty Wed 08-Mar-17 12:24:41

You have to stop when you are ready; otherwise you won't succeed. Sounds like you are being pretty reasonable tbh

SaucyJack Wed 08-Mar-17 12:25:05

Get an e-fag and be done with it.

Once you've found a flavour and device that suits you, you won't miss actual fags at all. Promise.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Mar-17 12:30:07

You do it when you are ready.
I quit many moons ago. i was young, my dad offered to give me his car if I quit, so I did!
Stopped for over 20 years!
Marriage fell apart and I started again.
I was going to quit this new year but my life fell apart again so I'm not ready just yet.
I'll do it when I'm good and ready not when someone else tells me to.

Tell your OH that you will support him but it doesn't involve you necessarily quitting and you will do it in your own time. Just like he has.
My recent Ex never smoked, never ever. I've smoked the whole time I've been with him. He never put any pressure on me to quit - ever!

SiestaFiesta Wed 08-Mar-17 12:30:10

I stopped when I got an abnormal smear and took a long, hard look at my lifestyle. Ok, may not have caused it but things like smoking don't help your health. I took up running and realised within three days of being off them I could breathe much easier when pounding the pavement. That was enough to keep me off them.

Agree it has to be your decision.

Newtothis2017 Wed 08-Mar-17 12:31:16

I agree with you op. Well done to your dp for deciding to quit but he can't make you quit. My dh has been on at me for years but it is only recently I have. I had to do it for myself not because he moaned at me.

annlee3817 Wed 08-Mar-17 12:35:57

It's a tough one, I quit as soon as I found out I was pregnant, and never looked back. Made it easier as I had a real aversion to the smell of cigarettes when I was pregnant. My DH smoked socially and it used to make me gag when he got in from a night out smelling of smoke. He refused to give up, which was fine as was his choice, he recently decided to stop and hasn't had one since November I think. So I will be 3 years quit this year and he is just 5 months in, It's hard not to pressure the other one into quitting if you succeed, because although you don't think you can smell it due to cutting down, a non smoker will usually pick up on it.

Anyway, this is my roundabout way of saying that yes the Now non smoking partner is being a little unreasonable, and yes you should do it in your own time, but I understand why he is being like it.

MadJeffBarn Wed 08-Mar-17 12:43:08

I always get cross at myself because I quit not once, but twice. During both my pregnancies. And once I had those little squiggles and wasn't breastfeeding anymore the incentive to stay quit was gone so I started up again. Same with my weight, when I had my son I was at the lowest weight I had been my whole adult life, and instead of continuing the healthy eating I implemented whilst pregnant, I convinced myself that chocolate hob nobs are the best food to eat whilst breastfeeding and the weight crept back on 😭

r0tringLover Wed 08-Mar-17 12:46:33

I uit on maybe my 100th attempt. Many only lasted overnight where I'd buy a pack. Smoke one, throw them away having decided it was my last ever and then buy another 20 as soon as I left the house the following morning.

The time has to be right for you.

In the end, I gave up by changing my mindset (Alan Carr's book). You aren't giving something up, you're gaining your health, your time and money.Another way I viewed it was that my final successful attempt wasn't many attempts but one with several 'hiccups'. One cigarette isn't the end of an attempt, keep going at it.

I remember the conversations I'd have with myself after a failed attempt where I'd say something like "right, so this one didn't work. You're meeting friends out this weekend so it's a bad time to try and you've got x due on y which is stressful, so have another go the month after next". THat doesn't work. Persevere with a single attempt.

Good on you for giving your DP some slack. Giving up smoking turns you into a wanker. My DH thought I'd given up many years before I actually did so I had no excuse and no slack.

I can't recommend Alan Carr enough. Support your husband, give the book a read and do it yourself. You aren't doing it deliberately but you are absolutely making it harder for your husband at the moment.

hollinhurst84 Wed 08-Mar-17 12:52:11

I didn't want to quit, I liked smoking
Bought an e cig and did 24hrs on it and thought well I can't go back to smoking now. That was 9 months ago and I haven't smoked at all

MrsDoylesladder Wed 08-Mar-17 13:57:04

My mum smoked since her early teens. Chainsmoked after Dad died. She tried a couple of times to give up. She gave up in her late 70s. She died last year of lung cancer. I'm convinced that her giving up, late as it was, gave her extra years with my dd.
If my mum could do it, you can.
P.s. Dying of lung cancer is fucking horrible. I still dream about watching her die.

TheNaze73 Wed 08-Mar-17 13:59:36

Don't whatever you do, go the e cig route. You'll still be letting nicoteen control your life. You're not "giving anything up". Just remember that

DJBaggySmalls Wed 08-Mar-17 14:01:34

Go to Amazon and buy your partner Alan Cars Easiway to quit. It really works. Tell him the rick is to not try to cut down. Read all the way through up to the final chapter 2 or 3 times, then read the last chapter when he is ready to quit. Let him get on with it and give it a go when you are good and ready.
I used to chain smoke and quit overnight using this method; no vaping, no patches.

4sausages Wed 08-Mar-17 14:12:52

Another vote for Allen Carr's stop smoking book.
My partner quit shortly before we met. He never pressured me to stop but recommended the book for if I ever did want to.
A few months later i read the book, stopped smoking and have never looked back. That was 9 years ago.

hollinhurst84 Wed 08-Mar-17 14:15:05

Nicotine isn't the issue, smoking is. If you need an e cig or patches then use them

EachandEveryone Wed 08-Mar-17 14:19:53

Its been four weeks with a lapse when i had a drink but even after thar night i havent thought to pick one up. Three things really pushed me 1) i got a kitten and i adore her, every time i lit up she ran out of the room, 2) im 50 this year and didnt want to be still smoking at my party 3) gum disease! Not pleasant and expensive,

I did the Allen Carr course, half price on groupon. I didnt think it would work and for two weeks after I was demented craving fags, had one lapse but never looked back. I play alot of Pokemon!

Larryduff Wed 08-Mar-17 14:27:25

Sorry I meant Alan Carr, not Atkins, I totally mis-remembered the name (it was 12 yeas ago)

KindDogsTail Wed 08-Mar-17 14:45:20

I decided that although I felt I craved a cigarette I did not actually like the feelings it actually gave me when I smoked. Which counted for more: the craving (say 85%)? or, the hating of the feeling shortly after actually smoking it(95%)?

I would recommend smoking aids (nicotine replacement) as a halfway house, while you become less addicted; or e cigarettes which were not there when I stopped.

Keep blood sugar even: sleep adequately but not too much; little caffeine; frequent small meals with adequate protein and some vegetables, fibrous food; little sugar. Have snacks like celery, green pepper ready. Pickled chillies help!

Do not go on to sugar instead of nicotine. If desperate have a protein bar - once your blood sugar balances out the huge mood swings and sugar cravings will stop.

Exercise - walking swimming, Yoga. EFT.

KindDogsTail Wed 08-Mar-17 14:48:14

I forgot to say Alcohol and caffeine could be triggers when you are trying to stop. Those are best kept minimal and part of a meal.

Also, if you have a lapse don't take an all or nothing attitude that that means you have failed. You just carry on trying after the lapse.

juneau Wed 08-Mar-17 14:49:43

Give up when you're mentally ready. I smoked for years, but when I was ready I quit overnight with half a pack on the dresser! Seriously - mental attitude and 'readiness' is everything. If someone had told me I had quit because they wanted to I'd have told them to f* off.

juneau Wed 08-Mar-17 14:53:14

But - big BUT - giving up smoking will be possibly the best thing you ever do for your health and your kids. Even the second-hand smoke on your clothes can harm their health. So while you may not be ready to quit now you do need to do it. So give it some thought. Read the Alan Carr book. Think about all the money you'll save if you give up. And do some research about lung cancer. My FIL died of it in Jan and bloody hell it's a horrible disease. He died emaciated and gasping for breath, a tumour wrapped around his windpipe. You do not want that for yourself - I promise you.

verystressedmum Wed 08-Mar-17 14:53:24

One day I bought an e cig planning on alternating between it and cigarettes to try and cut down on cigarettes and since that day I haven't touched a cigarette. It was a year and a half ago now, I wasn't planning it it just happened.
I'm still addicted to nicotine but I don't smoke cigarettes which is ok with me!

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