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AIBU?

Making DD go to college?

43 replies

minstrelyum · 08/03/2017 06:23

My 17yo DD went to college in September. Due to hospital admissions and a diagnosed issue requiring an operative procedure she dropped out around Christmas.

She now wants to go work, and has a job offer, in a call centre full time. She has limited GCSEs and doesn't have Maths at C+.

I think she should suck it up and go to college for her Maths and a vocational course. She counters she is fed up of not having money, and has been unsuccessful obtaining a part time job for the past year.

So, should I "make" her go to college and put my door down? Should I allow her to go off to work in a dead end job? The salary is good for her age, but wouldn't be good even in five years after gaining a college Maths and vocational qualification. So, AIBU? How do I explain my stance to DD?

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19lottie82 · 08/03/2017 06:27

Could she not take the job on the condition that she does the Maths GCSE @ nightclass.

I don't think you can "force" her to go back to college if she doesn't want to. She's an adult. However call centres are pretty grim..... give her a year and she'll most likely be dying to go back to college!

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hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 08/03/2017 06:28

In my experience you cannot force a 17 year old to attend college and do well in her exams. My daughter 'dropped out' of A levels at a similar age, she worked for a few years before taking herself back to night school to do an Access course. She now has a degree under her belt and is training to become a teacher, a few years in the work environment did her the world of good.

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SorrelSoup · 08/03/2017 06:37

I think it's OK to work, but she will need that maths gcse. It's the one thing that crops up time and time again. She could do this in the evening? You can't make someone do a course they don't want to full time. This could be the start of something good. Especially if she can gain experience and then move into another position.

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WorldWideWish · 08/03/2017 06:40

Agree with Lottie - the call centre job seems attractive right now, but she'll soon realise it's not as great as it seems! She'll work harder at her exams if it's her choice, not yours.

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MonkeyMagicDon · 08/03/2017 06:43

Speaking from experience. Call centres are horrid jobs. Worked on one before and it was soul destroying.

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minstrelyum · 08/03/2017 07:57

Don't get me wrong, the base salary for a 17 yo is extremely attractive, almost 15k.

And I know this is unreasonable but as a family we will lose all her money, so CTC and CB. Both myself my her other parent (all living together) are disabled and unable to work.

Additionally, DD requires a heart procedure that can be exacerbated by stress, but seems to have discarded this.

I guess the other question is, if she drops out of the job in time for next September how will she fare for college funding? Will having had a job preclude her from governmental funding?

The workplace have apparently offered some courses, but there's not a lot of job progression in a call centre is there?

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MrsTwix · 08/03/2017 07:58

I think let her try it for now, she can always restart college in September. If you make her go she will resent it and not do well.

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Dontactlikeyouknowme · 08/03/2017 08:00

I think it's her life. She can always do a maths gcse later on.

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MrsTwix · 08/03/2017 08:00

She will get college funding as long as she is in her teens I think, maybe check that hasn't changed.

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redexpat · 08/03/2017 08:03

Could she work fulltime until September, then go to pt and go to college with the new intake? Dont all 17yos need to be in education of some sort?

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redexpat · 08/03/2017 08:04

Legally I mean?

Oh and perhaps point out that as you'll be missing out on cb etc she will need to pay you rent.

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pinkdelight · 08/03/2017 08:05

Re. the finances, if she's working, wouldn't you charge her rent/board to cover the CTC losses? Also presumably you'd lose those soon anyway as she's almost grown. It's not a good reason to make her go to college, sorry. I agree with the PPs - job and GCSE in her own time makes best sense.

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SEsofty · 08/03/2017 08:11

She pays rent equivalent to the costs of having her, and the condition of her continuing to live at home is that she does maths GCSE.

Give her a year to find out what the real world of work is like and be clear that you will be supportive if she decides to return to college,, or whatever she chooses to do

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sashh · 08/03/2017 08:12

Let her take the job, it isn't a job for life. She can go back to education at any time, she can change jobs.

A job on her CV is better than a couple of failed college attempts.

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Socksey · 08/03/2017 08:16

Hmmmmm. I can see where you are coming from.... but if she wants to its hard to stop her...
Definitely charge her a proper rent plus bills.... she may realise she doesn't have that much left at the end of the month.....

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Socksey · 08/03/2017 08:17

She may then say she's moving out but is unlikely to pass any credit check to get a place of her own....

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19lottie82 · 08/03/2017 08:30

socksey the only credit check a LL would / could do is to make sure the potential tenant didn't have any CCJ's or history of bankruptcy.

I can't see any LL's being willing to rent to a 17 year old though, as they can't legally enter a contract.

A house share once she hit's 18 could be an option though. However, I think she might get a very quick reality check when she realises how much it actually costs to move out (rent, bills, food) , job or no job.

I can't see her being much better off than if she stayed at home (rent free?) went to college and applied for a bursary.

Can you sit down and run through some sums with her OP? It might help you change her mind.

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IamFriedSpam · 08/03/2017 08:51

I don't think you can force her but you can certainly charge her market value rent, bill and food contribution if she's working full time and not studying. I would also explain the stance about staying on at college and run through the numbers in terms of living independently (rent, council tax, bills etc) so she's aware of how little she'll actually have in a job like this.

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corythatwas · 08/03/2017 08:57

If she only started college in September, is she actually part of the intake who are allowed to drop out of education at 17? I thought they were the first lot who weren't. Wouldn't she have to take an apprenticeship or something else education related?

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TeenAndTween · 08/03/2017 09:00

I second cory . An apprenticeship would give her training, support her in retaking maths, and give her some money.

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tinyterrors · 08/03/2017 09:38

You can't force her to go to college if she doesn't want to. But as redexpat said I'd point out to her that you'll lose ctc / cb so she'll have to pay rent and board if she's working. That oh so attractive salary will look less so once she has to pay rent and board.

Unless it's changed college funding is there as long as she's 19 or under when she starts the course. So if she starts a 2 year btec or a levels when she's 19 it will be funded until the end even though she'd be over 19. There was also funding options for under 25s if they only have gcse level qualifications when I looked a couple of years ago.

You mention she needs a heart procedure which is effected by stress, the stress of college exams and coursework will be equal to or worse than working in a call centre.

I'd let her take the job, not much you can do to stop her, on the condition she's pays rent and board. That coupled with the call centre work and she'll be wanting to go back to college by next year.

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minstrelyum · 08/03/2017 09:41

Unfortunately she has this vision of renting and eventually buying with her couple-of-years older boyfriend.

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corythatwas · 08/03/2017 09:47

It's not about what you can do with a 17yo; it's about what the law says. This is the law for England:

"You can leave school on the last Friday in June if you’ll be 16 by the end of the summer holidays.
You must then do one of the following until you’re 18:
stay in full-time education, for example at a college
start an apprenticeship or traineeship
spend 20 hours or more a week working or volunteering, while in part-time education or training"
(quoted from the gov.uk website)

A job in a call centre won't count as trainee or apprenticeship scheme: she has to provide evidence that she is actually being trained or educated in some way. At 17, she ought to know this: she will have been told at school many, many times.

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minstrelyum · 08/03/2017 09:50

She was 17 in early Sept, so am unsure where the land lies in terms of dropping out. We, as parents, have expressed concern about the job, the job prospects, her education level, and future career.

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SistersOfPercy · 08/03/2017 10:12

From experience, you cant force a child into academia. I was you with DD. I pushed and pushed for her to stay in college. DH was slightly more laid back about it (he has a fantastic job, which he got through hard work and working his way up the ladder, I on the other hand went down the education route to my degree and work in a completely unrelated field to it)

The first year she studied Art and hated it. She changed course and decided to study social care and psychology. I now realise she didn't really want to be there at all and was desperately grabbing at courses to keep me happy. Finally, mid way through she quit.

I went nuclear. DH was, as always, laid back and said she'd find her way. At the time she worked PT as a waitress so she did have some funds coming in. When she came home one evening and said she was going to be a chef I admit I was shocked. It turned out she'd been helping in the kitchen a little on quiet evenings, Chef had noted her passion and offered her a position as a Commis Chef with a day release to college.

Fast forward twelve months and she's now 19, loves her job even though she can work 50 hour weeks (without outing too much she works in a specialist hotel), she's happily completing her college course and has ambition to do a work placement in the companies sister hotels in California.

Sometimes you do have to sit back and let them find what they want to do. I found that incredibly hard, especially having an older one who was very academic. I'm not saying let her wallow for 12 months, but perhaps a time limit of 6 to 12 to sort it out?