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To be upset about this...

(43 Posts)
verytiredmummy1 Tue 07-Mar-17 22:52:59

Without drip feeding and without outing myself ...

When I met DH I got on really well with SIL. She had form for not being the friendliest of people so I was pleased we got on. All of sudden a couple of years ago she stopped talking to me and now won't even acknowledge my existence. It's awkward at family events and is now a thing. If I say something to her she won't even look at me and if I'm involved in a conversation with MIL for example and SIL is there she will ignore my contribution to the conversation and talk to MIL like I haven't said anything!!
Everyone knows she won't speak to me.

I'm not upset as such just really puzzled as to what happened?! I've got no idea!! DH says to ignore it but it's just so awkward and I've got no idea why. The intrigue is irritating me.

Should I just leave it?

Dobinette Tue 07-Mar-17 22:56:17

I'm amazed that this has been going on for two years and you haven't asked her why!

Ask her in front of everyone at the next family gathering.

FatOldBag Tue 07-Mar-17 22:57:51

Get dh to ask her, but she's probably just a cunt.

PuddleJumper01 Tue 07-Mar-17 23:44:21

Comment on it publicly.
"once again, SIL ignores Verytired. verytired wonders why"
"... And answer came there none" (this is poetry... it's from the Walrus and the Carpenter)
"Sorry, SIL, did you not hear me?"

KC225 Wed 08-Mar-17 00:31:21

I am amazed no one has pulled her up on such rude behaviour. What do your PIL and the rest of his daily say when she is ignoring you. I would refuse to attend family events if the said family is facilitating such behaviour.

Bananamama1213 Wed 08-Mar-17 00:34:08

I would be making husband talk to her!

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Wed 08-Mar-17 00:40:54

She's an idiot. My SIL isn't much better. Or wasn't. I think you just need to ignore her. Treat her like the child she is. I'd say the in laws are just resigned to her stupidity so they won't help.

38cody Wed 08-Mar-17 00:53:45

Please come back op and tell us why you haven't pulled her aside to ask?

verytiredmummy1 Wed 08-Mar-17 02:25:58

I haven't wanted to make a scene. I know it's pathetic!

PIL are of the attitude that's just what she's like! As she's not overly friendly to others. She's DBILs wife not DH sister so they just say ignore her. I'm dying to ask though!

BadLad Wed 08-Mar-17 02:32:23

"... And answer came there none" (this is poetry... it's from the Walrus and the Carpenter)

But answer came there none.

missmayup Wed 08-Mar-17 02:41:41

I'd just keep talking right to her and only her at group gatherings! You could be just super chatty and make her look silly for not talking. Maybe if you can shame her in to talking you might open up an opportunity for dialogue later on.

If it helps, I hate my sister in law! She takes drugs, steals money, lives with her parents still and acts like a teenager at nearly 30 and has a tantrum when I won't let her babysit my kids. Moron. Hahaha. I've taken the route of your sister in law unfortunately and don't acknowledge her presence.

verytiredmummy1 Wed 08-Mar-17 08:57:59

It's so annoying. I don't care about her ignoring me. She does have form for doing this to people when she first meets hem but we used to get on so well!

missmayup Wed 08-Mar-17 09:08:02

Hmm... it is strange! I wouldn't let it get to you too much. I think I'd just keep trying to converse with her, or maybe invite her out for a coffee? That way she's got to say something, she can't ignore that, surely?!

38cody Wed 08-Mar-17 09:35:08

Is there anything you call her to ask advice about? Maybe a day a friend is looking for work in her field? What can you get DBIL for his birthday etc - anything so she has to speak to you on the phone?
I'm pretty pathetically unconfrontational myself but I think I would just have to ask, although she will probably just deny it. Could DH tell DBIL that's it bothering you and see if he can shed some light?
Otherwise Just sod it and be little miss sociable at family gatherings just to pee her off.

verytiredmummy1 Wed 08-Mar-17 09:50:05

I've tried messaging her and offering to help out in the past. For example one of her children was in hospital and I offered to drive the 50 odd miles to get the other children from school. The message was ignored. I'm quite confrontational in normal life but with this I think it's because it's DHs family and I wouldn't want to make it uncomfortable for him.

Wonder if she's on mumsnet....

LucieLucie Wed 08-Mar-17 10:01:49

My sis is like this. She has mental health issues, borderline personality disorder.

It's not normal behaviour to ignore another person in the same conversation and it shouldn't be facilitated by her parents.

justilou Wed 08-Mar-17 10:40:23

Have you not thought about simply asking "What is your fucking problem?"

Polska03 Wed 08-Mar-17 11:07:00

A million times what justilou said

DJBaggySmalls Wed 08-Mar-17 11:09:04

If she is just ignoring you, then she may be itching for you to ask her what the problem is. Do as your DH says and just ignore it. Carry on as normal. Dont let it get to you and dont sink to her level.

leighb23 Wed 08-Mar-17 11:40:02

In laws can be complete bastards. I think once we all accept that (yeah right, pot, kettle - kettle, pot!!) We'll all be much happier!!

AlllByMyself Wed 08-Mar-17 18:25:08

Rather than trying to guess, why not ask her.

ThePinkOcelot Wed 08-Mar-17 18:36:05

Agree with justilou! She sounds like an arse, but I would call her on it. I can't understand why people just let her get away with her pathetic behaviour.

verytiredmummy1 Sun 12-Mar-17 18:18:13

She was on usual form today...time to leave and she stands in the doorway and says goodbye to everyone individually by name and leaves me out!

Who does this apart from 4 year olds?!

Nquartz Sun 12-Mar-17 18:25:39

In that scenario I'd have shouted bye to her very loudly so it puts her on the spot for being such a dick.
I'd go with what a PP said and just keep talking to her in front of other people to make it really obvious & try to force her to talk to you.

Iamastonished Sun 12-Mar-17 18:36:03

Why does everyone else enable this childish behaviour? And why does your husband not have your back?

I think, by now, I would be challenging her in front of everyine to shame her into replying.

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