I've name changed, don't want this post linked to what I usually get help with on this site.
I've only recently realised that I had a very confusing childhood. I didn't get smacked, like a 'tap on the hand/bum' I got lashed out at irregularly. Like, kicked in the stomach when I was upset that my little brother was hurt. Then smacked over the head the same day.
I got booted in the leg and chased home and chased up the stairs, causing me to wet myself when I was 9 or 10.
I had belongings smashed up and burned in front of me (age 4) because my bedroom wasn't tidy.
I fell off my bike, and rather than be comforted, my bike got thrown across the field and I had to chase after him (again, I was probably about 4)
I've been rang up and told 'When you get home, you're dead' because my bedroom wasn't tidy, I was 17. When I said to my Mum that he couldn't do this anymore, she told him what I said and he went crazy. He trashed my room, kicked me, I threw my hands up to my face in self defence and gave myself a black eye.
The next day we went strawberry picking like nothing had happened.
All this happened at the hands of my Dad. But my Mum knew. He never laid a hand on her, never on my little brother. Just me.
According to my Mum I'm Dad's favourite and I can do no wrong. From the time I was 6, she was always telling me how jealous she was of our relationship, that she wished he called her 'darling' she still does that now.
I spent my entire childhood walking on eggshells. I once joked about my dad accidentally dying his hair, and when the others had left the room, he looked and me with such a snarl and said:
'At least I've lost the weight, you still look like that' I was 15, overweight and severely depressed. Self harming at every opportunity.
I know it doesn't sound like much written down, I know people have gone through much worse, I just feel so broken. Everybody still says they envy my relationship with my dad, because I'm the only one who can talk to him, which makes me feel guilty about feeling any dislike towards him.
I have two wonderful DC's now, and an amazing DH, but I'm still so scared. Nothing has happened since I was 17, but I still get this sick feeling every time anybody is behind me on the stairs. I can't be grabbed too tightly, I even get terrified if I hear DH swear when the tap turns on too hotly - it sounds exactly like the beginnings of one of my Dad's rages.
I just don't understand. My family must have known. Even though my Dad is generous and will help anybody, they all knew he had a temper. Why did teachers not notice that sometimes I had boot print bruises on my legs? How did my Mum do a social worker course, and not see there was something wrong with her own family?
Why did nobody help me?
AIBU?
Why did nobody help me? **Trigger Warning** - childhood abuse. Title edited by MNHQ
ConfusedAboutChildhood · 07/03/2017 17:18
I am sorry you have had to go through this and I didn't want to read and run. I went through similar and I do just think the 70s (which is when I went through this) were just different times and things were swept under the carpet. It doesn't make it right though.
Because they were cowards.
Or because the status quo was more comfortable for them than dealing with the consequences of helping you.
I'm so sorry you went through this, it sounds awful. Please don't minimize it any more.
It's reads as a horrific tale of childhood abuse, you don't need to minimize by saying it doesn't sound much, you are obviously traumatized by your childhood, unsurprisingly.
I too think you would benefit from counseling to deal with the issues around your mum not safeguarding you, as well as the abuse. Your mum is as bad as your dad for not keeping you safe if she knew what was going on.
I'm sorry for what you went through
Same thing happened to me (although it was step mum that allowed it to happen)
I always wonder the same thing but more so because I used to rebel quite badly!
I'm NC with my dad and it helps a lot.
Do you have children? I find it even harder to understand since having DD as to why you would want to be so violent to a child (or anyone). It really is a coward that does this though as he never got into fights with men his own age.
My dads excuse when asked about it later was that his childhood was so much worse 
and he didn't do anything to me and my siblings. I think he has honestly blocked out what he did to us and how bad it got.
My dad sufferes with schizophrenia so I'm not sure if this contrabutes to supposed memory loss of it all.
That is appalling. Of course they knew and of course your mother should have protected you. Sadly it sounds as though she was conditioned to his behaviour. And sadly it sounds as though you yourself have become a little conditioned - you feel "guilty" for feeling any dislike towards him? That's quite scary!
You don't have to have a relationship with him, that man who abused and terrorised you through your childhood. You don't have to have a relationship with your mother, who enabled it.
I really think counselling would help you make sense of it and, more importantly, decide what kind of relationship you want with them now.
Don't make excuses for them - you say he's generous and will do anything for anyone but "has a temper". Abusing a child like that - there are no excuses. Any redeeming features he might have cannot and should not ever excuse child abuse.
You can take back control - you can stop feeling scared - you can decide on your future relationship with them, but you probably need some professional help to get past what has happened to you.
Horrific abuse. Your father is a disgusting excuse for a human being. Please find it within yourself to distance yourself from him. And your mother, knowing about it, condoning it, then idealising your relationship with your abuser? It's sick.
So sorry for what you went through. You owe them nothing. They ought to be prosecuted and shamed.
I know it doesn't sound like much written down you're wrong about that. What happened to you is abuse and sounds terrifying. I'm not surprised you're struggling to deal with it. You were also let down by others who might have protected you. Have you ever considered counselling?
^^This.
I was almost in tears reading your post. Your parents both abused you and especially your dad is a bloody bastard asshole dickhead excuse for a human being.
I would really recommend getting counselling - if you leave this it will only fester more and eat you up alive. You need to deal with it. And go NC if in any way possible.
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