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My boss is telling everyone I am sexually attracted to him

(11 Posts)
Fitnessfanaticc Tue 07-Mar-17 13:59:51

I've tried to just ignore it. I've tried to be the bigger person but this is slander now and I feel something needs to be done.

My boss keeps telling people (mainly senior management) that I'm sexually attracted to him and I openly flirt with him in front of the team. It's making him uncomfortable but he's trying to deal with it professionally. 😡🙄

Our team know that the truth is, he started flirting with me and I gave him clear signals to back off so he's gone all defensive and angry and slandered my name.

I'm an agency worker and would have liked a permanent job in this sector so I'm worried my name will be tarnished and all my networking opportunities will be lost. I've already had a manager tell me a position is no longer available and gave me some excuse but I know he's been told by my boss about my 'outrageous sexual behaviour'.

My reputation around senior management is appalling as my boss is respected and they have no idea it's all made up rubbish and also do not know me so have no opportunity to see me and see I'm really not like that.

I work in a team of 8 and they've all been very supportive and told me they will conform my side of the story and confirm they've witnessed his blatant attempts at flirting and the fact I told him not to continue flirting with me.

I don't know whether to just forget it, apply for jobs in a different area and forget trying to clear my name among the management here.

Or challenge it and at least give my side of the story.

AIBU to report him?

Shortdarkandfeisty Tue 07-Mar-17 14:01:32

Get another job first, then report him, then leave.

Fitnessfanaticc Tue 07-Mar-17 14:04:11

In my sector I need a reference from him to be able to get another job (has to be your line manager as a reference). So I need to get a new job before reporting him.

But I can't seem to get another job. I have been applying though.

Fitnessfanaticc Tue 07-Mar-17 14:05:14

The director of services doesn't believe a word he says and is supportive. I think she could give me a reference instead as she works in the same office.

icanteven Tue 07-Mar-17 14:07:04

Well definitely get a reference from the director of services. Make sure she knows why you're asking her instead of him - even put it in an email so that there is a paper trail.

BeMorePanda Tue 07-Mar-17 14:07:49

fucking hell this is appalling. If you do find another job, I would still absolutely deal with this higher up the chain - ie.. make a complaint and report, esp as you have people who will back you up.

Standing up for yourself is really important - he is sexually bulling you, trying to humiliate and diminish you, not to mention tampering with your job/career and taking advantage of his position over you.

What an utter loser dickhead he is. So sorry you are going through this.

BeMorePanda Tue 07-Mar-17 14:08:45

The director of services doesn't believe a word he says and is supportive.
Why isn't she acting though?
Even though you are agency, surely they owe you a duty of care?

BeMorePanda Tue 07-Mar-17 14:11:18

Senior Management won't be so enamored with him if you sue for sexual harassment.

Can you record him on your phone?

Fitnessfanaticc Tue 07-Mar-17 14:28:02

Th director has spoken to him but wants me to be theone to report and she doesn't want anything to impact my career.

He's stopped flirting now so nothing to record. He's just ignoring me/acting like I don't exist. He knows now he's made these allegations he needs to act that way.

STFU Tue 07-Mar-17 14:36:31

What is a 'blatant attempt at flirting'?

You now say he isn't flirting and is acting as though you don't exist.

You need to approach this much more smartly. You need times and dates, witnesses and exactly what he is doing. Of course, you can't do that if he has stopped.

At the moment, you have some people saying he 'blatantly flirted' and not much more. He approached senior management and told them that you are approaching him and he is dealing with it professionally.

I would forget principles and move on. You can't sue the company. Thinking you can is simply false hope. For a start, you have to prove that they have not supported you, but you're yet to bring it to their attention.

hutchblue Tue 07-Mar-17 14:43:05

I had this problem about 15 years ago. My boss kept doing things like pushing his body against mine and saying all sorts of weird stuff. I reported him to senior management.

In the end I was given a verbal warning and my work I was told would be assessed for one month. Nothing happened to him.

It was so fucked up.

I resigned the following week.

About a year later I bumped into the CEO in a bar.

He apologised for his team's behaviour and told me he'd had to sack the man (and another woman) in question a few months later for other problems. He was quite drunk and kept saying how sorry he was that he hadn't believed me.

I don't really have much advice except to prepare for a shitty battle and get out of the company as fast as you can.

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