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AIBU to think this wedding condition is a bit off?

(184 Posts)
Ginge85 Mon 06-Mar-17 21:51:51

Maybe I am BU- I've never planned a wedding myself so I'm not sure what the done thing is these days in regards to this. Just after some opinions!
DP and have been invited to a wedding of a close friend of DP, they have a small child of their own. Their wedding is several hours away from our home (and theirs) and is on a weekday in the middle of the summer school holidays.
Their invite states that no children other than their own are invited. AIBU to think that's a lot to ask considering the time of their wedding? Surely it's hard for lots of people to get overnight sitters on a weekday in the summer hols?
Or is this the norm? Ofc it's their wedding, their rules- but should they be expecting a lot of people to not go? It's looking like dp will have to go on his own!

Creatureofthenight Mon 06-Mar-17 21:56:01

As you say, it's their rules, but they should be ( and hopefully are!) prepared for guests who have children to decline the invitation.

Aderyn2016 Mon 06-Mar-17 21:56:56

I don't think a bride and groom can please everyone. It is fair enough that they want a child free wedding, apart from their own dc. Obviously, guests have to do what suits them, so if you can't or don't want to go then that's fair enough too

sonyaya Mon 06-Mar-17 21:58:19

It is a completely fair rule. Totally up to them who they invite.

It will be difficult for some guests to get childcare, and these guests should decline with good grace.

The bride and groom are only unreasonable if they complain when people decline.

Only1scoop Mon 06-Mar-17 22:00:06

It's not 'off' it's their choice.
I don't blame them to be honest. I enjoy a nice child free wedding.

SpreadYourHappiness Mon 06-Mar-17 22:00:15

Completely up to them. I had a child-free wedding. Only one person couldn't make it due to childcare issues and that was fine by us.

DonkeyOaty Mon 06-Mar-17 22:01:32

It's fine for them to not want to have other children there. It's fine for your partner to decline your invite and go on his own.

BikeRunSki Mon 06-Mar-17 22:01:41

Child free weddings are pretty common. Up to to b&g. Up to the invitees whether they can make it. No one is being U.

GotToGetMyFingerOut Mon 06-Mar-17 22:02:05

Personally don't see it as an issue or as "off". I'd manage to get my three babysat and would enjoy the child free time.

Mumzypopz Mon 06-Mar-17 22:02:25

It is totally up to them who they invite. I've never understood it personally, as I think weddings are all about family, and to me, children are part of that, but each to their own.

BlondeBecky1983 Mon 06-Mar-17 22:04:47

YABU. Our wedding is child free also. No exceptions. It's a can of worms with so many people having kids. If you can't make it I'm sure they will understand.

Nairsmellsbad Mon 06-Mar-17 22:05:19

A good friend of mine did the same. Up to them of course; we skipped the wedding in the end as it would have been a faff to organise.

Lochan Mon 06-Mar-17 22:07:08

I would tend to assume that they are happy to keep the numbers low.

We've been invited to a wedding next year which I suspect has been deliberately arranged to limit the attendance of specific family members. Whatever you might think about that it's their wedding, their choice, their consequences.

Avioleta Mon 06-Mar-17 22:07:18

It's not 'off' it's up to them. If it doesn't suit you, then don't go. Nothing to get angsty about.

Mumzypopz Mon 06-Mar-17 22:07:25

I also think it's lovely when people have lots of children as bridesmaids or pageboys. . but that seems to be happening less and less too, and people are having adult bridesmaids, which I think is a bit odd. But it is up to them.

harderandharder2breathe Mon 06-Mar-17 22:08:33

Their wedding their choice. Guests can decline if they can't/don't want to attend without their children.

It only becomes unreasonable if B&G get stroppy with people who decline on that basis. Or unreasonable guests who turn up with their DC anyway.

ScarletSienna Mon 06-Mar-17 22:09:07

We had a child free wedding apart from close family. Mainly because of numbers and cost. We understood some people had to decline and we ourselves have now done so as we've been invited to a wedding hours away with the same stipulations. It's not 'off' I don't think.

Trb17 Mon 06-Mar-17 22:10:04

It's up the the B&G to be fair but it's also fair for you to turn down the invite if you'd rather not go without your DC or you can't organise/afford child care.

Personally I think a wedding without kids doing their usual funny stuff is a bit dull but each to their own.

ExcellentWorkThereMary Mon 06-Mar-17 22:11:14

Most weddings I've been to have been child free, largely due to cost, if everyone brings their kids then it bumps the numbers up loads! I've never had an issue with it, we've missed a couple because we didn't have childcare but that's the way it goes when you have kids.
I think child free weddings are really normal.

Ginge85 Mon 06-Mar-17 22:12:03

Thanks for your replies. Was fully prepared to hear I was BU, I'm not annoyed about the fact there's no kids invited. It just seemed to me personally a little strange given the time of their wedding. But yes each to their own, as I say and others have, it's their wedding so it's up to them. I just wondered if that was the norm.

WhataHexIgotinto Mon 06-Mar-17 22:15:32

It's up to them I suppose.

I hate child free weddings.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit Mon 06-Mar-17 22:18:44

Midweek term-time would be even trickier to attend though, surely?

YippieKayakOtherBuckets Mon 06-Mar-17 22:19:04

YABU. At least they are being clear and consistent about the rule.

The worst one I encountered was a note on the invitation saying 'no children please - but if this means that you can't come then please bring them.' I hated this - it put all of the onus on the guest. We couldn't go in the end but friends who went said that there was open resentment between those who had gone to a lot of effort to find childcare and those who couldn't be arsed and brought their kids anyway.

ScarletSienna Mon 06-Mar-17 22:19:09

I think it may be becoming more usual - maybe money is tighter and weddings more expensive. In the last year or so, I've heard of more weekday weddings (Tuesday to Thursday so not even tagged to a weekend) too.

PickledLilly Mon 06-Mar-17 22:20:19

We recently got invited to a child free wedding they apparently 'did still hope we could come' to a wedding several hours away (will require two nights stay) without our toddler and small bf baby, er, how? DH is going on his own whilst I get to sit at home with the kids all weekend <bitter >

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