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What would you think of this comment?

(56 Posts)
bookonshelf Mon 06-Mar-17 14:55:39

My friend and I are shopping, and see an outfit that we both like.
Friend says 'oh I think that will look great, you should get it, it will give you an incentive to lose a few pounds.
Yeah, lose around 5 pounds, what you need is a sickness bug, I know that's what did the trick for me'
All said in jest in a 'nice' way of course. The subject also keeps getting mentioned. Also this is quite a typical comment of said friend.
It's like she's trying to bring it to my attention to make me aware, for my own best interests.

For the record I do need to lose a few pounds, I know it but I never go on about it.

Am I being over sensitive by thinking it's not a very nice thing for a friend to say or should I suck it up as being just simple honesty.

Like I say, this is a rather typical comment from her, so it is the bigger picture that's bothering me not just this incident.

Bagel88 Mon 06-Mar-17 14:57:19

Next time say why not diet together, so you can lose 6 lbs?

MaidOfStars Mon 06-Mar-17 14:57:53

I've never had a friend tell me to lose weight, even when I had more than 5lb spare.

I never intend to either. You can discern my opinion here, I suspect. If not, it's not a nice thing for a 'friend' to say.

GrumpyOldBag Mon 06-Mar-17 14:58:46

She is fat-shaming you.

It's not nice.

Fallenmadonnawiththebigboobies Mon 06-Mar-17 15:00:23

Sounds like a frenemy - no reason at all for a "friend" to mention your weight and make you feel bad. I'd be upset by these comments too.

cantthinkofabloodyname Mon 06-Mar-17 15:00:53

I'd be tempted to reply "I'll lose 5lbs when you learn some manners".

Primaryteach87 Mon 06-Mar-17 15:10:35

I've never said anything remotely similar to anyone and really can't think why you would ...odd

MoonfaceAndSilky Mon 06-Mar-17 15:12:57

shock Cheeky cow

xStefx Mon 06-Mar-17 15:13:03

Ah she is gas lighting you,
Tell her one of the following:

1: Oh no I don't want to loose anymore im happy with my weight
2: Yes we should both do it together, we could both do with being a bit healthier
3: Fuck off you horrible cow

HecateAntaia Mon 06-Mar-17 15:13:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EggsEleven Mon 06-Mar-17 15:13:30

It's a bit strange. I can't imagine having it said to me by any of my friends (or even acquaintances!) or saying it to anyone!

How do you respond when she says it?

Trifleorbust Mon 06-Mar-17 15:16:49

It's not okay to comment on someone's weight unless they have invited comment by talking about going on a diet or whatever.

SheSaidHeSaid Mon 06-Mar-17 15:16:57

If she's genuinely concerned about your weight then shes going about it the wrong way about it.

Next time she does it tell her how hurtful her comments are, if she wants to fat shame you then you can bully shame her.

ItsReginaPhalange Mon 06-Mar-17 15:20:23

Clearly she has her own issues. I fluctuate 5lbs, I don't think anyone would ever say anything to me. If I complain they tell me I look great. That is what a proper friend should do imo. She js just being nasty.

LaGattaNera Mon 06-Mar-17 15:22:05

Not nice! People often try to say mean things in a light hearted way so that if you react, they can say you are being over-sensitive. Weight is not something that should be discussed or commented on unless invited by the person in question. She is being a cow.

AYankinSpanx Mon 06-Mar-17 15:26:51

Tell her you don't want to lose any weight, thanks (whether you do or not!).

I've put up with frenemies before. I wouldn't now. I can't see the point in destructive friendships.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 06-Mar-17 15:27:10

I'd think she was rude. I'd be very reluctant to agree even if you'd suggested it yourself.

Pottedplants Mon 06-Mar-17 15:27:27

Is she very superficial in general? An old colleague was likely to say something similar. The colleague was very aware of her own weight, was careful about what she ate and once told me that she never sat down to watch tv. Instead she would play music videos and dance around while the tv was on (she was in her 30s). She was a perfectionist in many ways and genuinely didn't seem to understand why anyone was overweight. For her, it was a matter of self control and simply not eating certain foods. This wasn't limited to food.

She thought similarly about studying and career progression. While she was on maternity leave, she complained that her baby cried too much and had an adverse affect on her studying. She really was just wired so differently to me that if we weren't colleagues, we would not have been friends. That said, I don't think she meant any malice, she was speaking her mind which at times was hard not to take personally.

highinthesky Mon 06-Mar-17 15:31:23

I have pondered your dilemma over a cup of coffee and 5 a couple of custard creams and still don't see how it's any of her business.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Mon 06-Mar-17 15:32:06

All I can think is that she wanted the outfit for herself so insulted you! shock
Joking or not, what a nasty thing to say, not only telling you to lose weight but also wishing a sickness bug on you.
Don't go shopping with her again.

SomethingBorrowed Mon 06-Mar-17 15:32:24

I would say that to my closest friends. I would expect them to tell me if I have been letting myself go (weight, grey hairs...), IMO that is what good girlfriends are for. As long as she tells you privately, not in front of all your friends of course.

StickyMouse Mon 06-Mar-17 15:38:20

My MIL told my SIL (her DIL) to lose weight, SIL was just after having had surgery and maxed out painkillers, I was so shocked and said to MIL that if she thought that this approach might work with me she could think again.

Its not helpful, its not kind and I can't think of any positive reason to say such a thing. Use the Mumsnet "did you mean to be so rude" next time

bookonshelf Mon 06-Mar-17 15:44:36

Thanks for your replies.

The thing is I have a really confusing sort of relationship with this friend. She's there for the bad times and can really big me up and support me emotionally and practically. But quite often I feel suffocated and almost interrogated If that makes any sense.
So eg. I'll say I feel a certain way and she'll dismiss it and sometimes even say that I don't feel that way. Which drives you a bit mad.
And for example I am very rarely able to finish my sentences it's like she has to be 'in charge' of the conversation.
And if you do something well usually she likes to take the credit for suggesting it and helping you. She has to be the one with the answers.
She bigs herself up a lot.

Also on quite a few occasions it has seemed that something she's said was actually a very subtle and indirect put down to make me feel small.
But I really struggle with wondering if it's just me.
One day I'm certain she's controlling and the next I think I was overreacting.

Reading this back it sounds really bad and obvious that there is something clearly not right but it's not that black and white she can be very kind and supportive.

Kskifred Mon 06-Mar-17 15:46:38

I've met loads of twats like this in my time, they know exactly what they are doing. I've found that it normally comes from a place of insecurity though so she is probably envious and feels better about putting you down.

If you are really close friends then perhaps you know what angle she is coming from, if you don't feel it's worth addressing then just be ready the next time she passes comment to throw one her way, with the same tactic 'you struggle with your weight too don't you, maybe we should do it together for support' grin

Lynnm63 Mon 06-Mar-17 15:47:35

You could always say Thanks, but I don't need a bug, I'll just lose 130 lb of annoying lard when you fuck off" or just say it in your head to yourself.

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