Phasing out a "friend"

[LittleMermaidRose]

A colleague of mine only ever asks me to hang out last minute, when I usually have other plans. I always apologise and ask if she wants to do something the next week - which is always met with a "maybe" sort of answer, and is never followed through. I believe she only asks me as a last resort as she rarely wants to make plans in advance, and it's only ever when she's fallen out with her other friends that she'll ask me.

The thing is, she always takes the hump when I say I already have plans, and hardly speaks to me at work for the rest of the day. Like she expects me to drop what I'm doing for her. I never act that way with her, even when she cancels plans at the last minute.

She can be very manipulative and has bullying tendencies. I'm trying to phase her out, she doesn't act like a true friend towards me. What's the best way to do this? I don't want to hurt her feelings but I do want her to get the message!

[Fauchelevent]

Well, I would say be honest rather than dragging it out any longer than you have to. Just say you're happy to make plans in advance in future but last minute plans don't work for you, sorry.

When do you spend time together, what are you trying to phase out? The time spent together at work? If you don't want to be up front just be polite when she speaks to you but not over friendly. But these roundabout ways of ditching friends often cause more hassle than being open

[LittleMermaidRose]

I don't want to spend time with her outside of work any more. She is just too negative, controlling, needy, petty, immature and downright mean sometimes.
Work is different because we have to see each other then. I don't mind at all chatting with her in work and whatnot. But I no longer want it to go any further.
I don't feel I can say anything confrontational without it causing problems at work, which I really want to avoid.
I'm just not interested in having a "friend" like that any more.

[MummaBear14]

I'd just kept saying you're busy, and she'll soon stop trying. If she mentions that you never see each other out of work then just explain that last minute plans don't work for you, as you do have friends outside of work that you see often. I personally wouldn't want to be friends with her either, and it doesn't sound like she takes your friendship seriously either. Hopefully she gets the hint, I don't think you need to spare her feelings.

[Jazzywazzydodah]

I hear you! I have/had a similar friend.

Just be be busy every time, she will soon stop asking.

I'd go as far as saying 'I'm so sorry but I'm pretty much booked up till end of march - could try and pencil something in then?'

Obviously she won't