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AIBU?

To think my fil is a t***

26 replies

Asuitablemum · 05/03/2017 23:42

Watching a cartoon with the kids. One of the male characters puts on (actually sort of steals) a little girl's shoes. He commented 'oh no he's put on girl's shoes, pink with hearts'. Then later he fell off or was hit or something and he said 'serves him right for wearing girls shoes'. I'm sure it's directed at my ds 5. I just really wanted to tackle him on it but didn't (wimp). I mean no mention of stealing or hitting not being right, the most heinous crime is obviously the boy wearing pink shoes. Just take me back to the 1950's. Couldn't be arsed or didn't have the energy to fall out over it with fil or dh, he is not the easiest character at the best of times. So I just tolerate his massive flaws and welcome his good bits, of which there are some.

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WorraLiberty · 05/03/2017 23:48

Surely you could have managed a little "Pffft don't be silly"?

If you don't step it up a bit, the kids will probably think your silence means you agree with him.

Patriciathestripper1 · 05/03/2017 23:52

Why are they watching violent cartoons anyway?
I'd be more worried about the stealing/hitting than your fils homophobic comments.

Asuitablemum · 06/03/2017 00:24

I know I wish I had said something and could wind back time. It wasn't a massively violent cartoon. There was just a seen where two of the children were cross with were cross with other and chasing. Problem is as well, you don't always know what will happen in a cartoon until you've watched it. Much tamer than Ben and Jerry!

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73kittycat73 · 06/03/2017 00:32

I'd be more worried about the stealing/hitting than your fils homophobic comments.

How were they homophobic? Just genuinely asking as I saw no mention of sexuality. It was implied that the boy wearing the girls shoes were wrong. How does that jump to sexuality? Gender stereotypes yes, or maybe even cross dressing I grant you but not all males wearing girls shoes are gay.

38cody · 06/03/2017 00:33

Storm in a teacup - move on.

Asuitablemum · 06/03/2017 00:36

I'm surprised at the replies. I just think a grown adult caring about what a cartoon child wears is so incredibly childish. That not even children are that childish! And (I know it's a cartoon) but he can wear what the hell he likes.

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Jux · 06/03/2017 01:01

Not homophobic, just stupid and thoughtless. You could always tell him his age is showing; it's ageist but hey.

Pottedplants · 06/03/2017 01:12

My FIL makes similar comments. I tend to say 'these days plenty of boys play with toy kitchens, the most famous chefs in the world are men' blah blah. It is annoying as I wouldn't like my children to feel 'judged' or to think there is anything wrong when they play with toys traditionally played with by the other gender. But....it is my job as their parent to ensure that ageist comments are laughed off. I endeavour to make a point of saying something positive to counter the negative remark. But....that is from years of listening to it. I admit the first few times it happened, I was cross but didn't say anything at the time.

PastaOfMuppets · 06/03/2017 08:30

It's not homophobic as much as it is sexist and hegemonically masculine. I'd be crappy and bitchy, wait for an opportunity, and make a snarky fake jokey 'observation' at the expense of fil. But I guess this is sort of like the borderline misogyny my fil comes out with that makes me stabby and I can't help myself reacting. :/

BevGoldbergsSister · 06/03/2017 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catsize · 06/03/2017 08:35

You do need to challenge this sort of crap, or it will look like you agree. A quick 'what is wrong with that?' ;Why should he be punished for wearing so-called girls' shoes?'. If he comes out with prejudiced nonsense, this is a good opportunity to teach your child that some people have odd views.

Oysterbabe · 06/03/2017 08:38

I really wouldn't give a shit about this. It's easy enough to explain people having different views and attitudes and why you don't agree with them.

Chickoletta · 06/03/2017 08:53

Really not worth the headspace thinking about this any more! If your DCs are anything like mine when they watch TV they are unlikely to have even registered the comment!

DeadGood · 06/03/2017 08:56

"I just think a grown adult caring about what a cartoon child wears is so incredibly childish."

Agree

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 06/03/2017 09:01

Massive over reaction imo. It's just a comment I'm sure he didn't mean fuck all by it. This non gender specific shite is getting boring now anyway.

Laiste · 06/03/2017 09:14

FIL wasn't born with these attitudes any more than any child born today would be. He probably IS from the 1950s and was bought by parents with the attitude that boys must be boys and girls must be girls ect ect.

Chat to your DS about gender roles when the subject crops up, ie no such thing as boys toys and girls toys, for eg., and make sure he grows up with an open mind. No need to be 'challenging' his granddad at this stage IMO.

RhiWrites · 06/03/2017 09:14

Yeah he's a being misogynist and homophobic.

But just redirect "I'm sure the little girl would have let him try her shoes but taking without asking isn't nice". "Maybe if he's good his parents will get him his own shoes with hearts."

HiDBandSIL · 06/03/2017 09:26

This is disappointing. I was looking forward to a good moan about my FIL who is a massive twat. OP: if this is as bad as your FIL gets you are very lucky!!

skerrywind · 06/03/2017 09:26

I find the fact you use the word twat as quite misogynistic.

IamFriedSpam · 06/03/2017 10:09

This non gender specific shite is getting boring now anyway.

What do you mean? You want to stop boys wearing pink and liking kittens? Why would you care, why not leave them to it if they want to wear pink (or blue or purple or anything else)?

PastaOfMuppets · 06/03/2017 10:24

"... getting boring" ? Sexism like this can cause genuine emotional harm to children, and much worse. Your attention span isn't really relevant here.

Asuitablemum · 06/03/2017 10:29

The other thing that annoys me about it is that it's one thing having your own opinions but he is purposely trying to pass them over to my son imo. Using any opportunity, such as this one, to subtly put down boys doing anything vaguely feminine. I think it is not his place to do it. He is a misogynist and homophobe imo. Even mil is very 'traditional'. I remember when my son was crawling, he crawled into the kitchen and she made a comment along the lines of 'you don't want to come in here, the kitchen is for girls'. I know my biL once asked fil as a child 'bit what if I was gay' and fil told him it was a choice and he'd not choose it.

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Jux · 06/03/2017 11:22

Well, as you know what he's like, you can counteract it quite easily.

38cody · 06/03/2017 15:46

Yeah he's a being misogynist and homophobic

Erm - no he's not, he's just going with the flow of the cartoon. Poor bugger having such an uptight Dil.

Laiste · 06/03/2017 15:52

Even mil is very 'traditional'. I remember when my son was crawling, he crawled into the kitchen and she made a comment along the lines of 'you don't want to come in here, the kitchen is for girls'.

Now that would provoke a reaction out of me. And i'll usually tie myself in knots to avoid confrontation!

Did you not say something to that OP?

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