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Friend has gone cold on me

(12 Posts)
WhistlingBetty Sun 05-Mar-17 22:18:34

I think a friend has gone cold on me. We have known each other for about four years and met through work and there had never been any weirdness between us before it's always been an easy going friendship and we share the same sense of humour. He's a gay guy I'm a straight female. We don't see each other that often due to busy lives but thought he was one of my closest friends and I have confided a lot in him and vice versa.

About six weeks ago I went to his house for drinks, this is something we would do occasionally, stay in watch TV and have a couple of glasses of wine. We are both very silly and were dancing to cheesy music. We were both drunk and I may be imagining this but I felt uncomfortable at one point and thought he was going to try and kiss me. I can't stress how mad that is to even write that down, he is gay and has had long term relationships with men and only men. I acted like I didn't think anything of it (nothing actually happened it was just a feeling I had) and left all fine texting that night and I thought nothing of it. I only mention it now because since then I think he's been off-ish with me and I've been wracking my brains for a reason.

We were meant to have a night out since then which he cancelled in a flippant way he is normally hugely enthusiastic about meeting up. I have been texting him and he replies with friendly but short answers and he isn't himself. I have seen on Facebook yesterday he was out with mutual friends and didn't invite me.

I may be 100% wrong about that I thought happened that night in fact I think it's more likely that I am wrong but can anyone help me think of a reason why a friend pulls away? I feel like he's a bit angry or irritated with me and I don't know why and I'm really upset. I can't just ask him as there's nothing tangible.

skincarejunkie Sun 05-Mar-17 22:21:45

You won't know until you ask. "You don't seem yourself. Is everything ok with us?" Worst case, you don't hear back, best case you're imagining it or there is something you can fix. Good luck. It's a horrid feeling x

gamerchick Sun 05-Mar-17 22:22:14

Well personally in your shoes I would bring it up. Hes obviously feeling weird about what happened and doesn't know how to process it properly.

WhistlingBetty Sun 05-Mar-17 22:34:27

Thanks for the replies- I don't even know if what I felt that night was accurate as we were both drunk and he may have never even thought about it. It's just hurtful as we were very close and now he's not inviting me to things any more.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 05-Mar-17 22:57:41

I had a friend like this. We've known each other for 12 years. In that time we have been the best of friends, on and off. We kept drifting apart then floating back. About 6 months ago she just stopped speaking to me, because of a tiny misunderstanding over text message that I apologised for. It just made me realise I was treading on eggshells around her and everything I did was wrong. I feel much happier now the friendship is finally over with. If it's that hard to maintain a friendship then it's really not worth it.

feckitt Sun 05-Mar-17 23:00:25

Make new friends.

WhistlingBetty Sun 05-Mar-17 23:03:29


I think you're right. When I initially felt he was being off with me I was texting and contacting him more but now I'm pulling back from it. This is the first time this has happened between us though and it is such a shame. I have no idea where I stand with him.

MyKingdomForBrie Sun 05-Mar-17 23:46:10

Just ask, it's all you can do. 'You're not being yourself with me, what has happened?'

Lazyafternoon Mon 06-Mar-17 07:09:46

You have to ask. There is the possibility he won't say and you'll drift apart. But unless you ask if something happened or said something without realising that is bothering him you're not giving him chance to clear the air.

Ohyesiam Mon 06-Mar-17 20:26:18

Text Are we ok? And see of he's going to be able to be truthful with you x

TheRealPooTroll Mon 06-Mar-17 20:42:39

Agree with the pp saying to text Asking if everything's ok. My guess is either he was going to make a move and feels rejected or he was aware you thought he was and feels awkward about seeing you.

CactusFred Mon 06-Mar-17 20:48:32

I think you need to ask him. If the friendship breaks down and you haven't asked you'll always wonder.

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