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AIBU? And if I'm not, what should I say to him?

(4 Posts)
Garofbalaxy Sun 05-Mar-17 17:34:46

My son's father is the kind of guy who NEEDS a girlfriend, I was vaguely aware of his reputation before we started dating but didn't realise he'd dated a large proportion of the girls in town until we had been together a while (I started seeing him when I moved here).

We split because he had met someone else and thought the grass would be greener, turns out this is how things usually go for him. Hes never satisfied for long. Unfortunately not long after we split I found out I was pregnant and we now co-parent, we get on well enough and he's a fantastic father but I'm starting to get really p*ssed off with his attitude towards our son and dating.

Basically when our son was born I asked him not to introduce his new gf until they were in a stable relationship, he agreed then I found out a few weeks down the line that he'd gone behind my back and she had been left with my newborn several times. They were together for 6 months, then split up for 4 then got back together for 6. I think there were a few flings after that but my son was too young to mention anything. The next girlfriend I knew about (and her kids) were introduced 3 weeks into dating, then disappeared after 2 months only to reappear again a couple of months later. She was last seen at Christmas. Now my son has mentioned someone else and a friend saw him out all over some girl 15 years younger than him. These are only the ones I know about.

I have no issues with him dating or with who he's dating but I have huge issues with him teaching my son that serial dating is ok. I am trying to raise a man who respects women and I feel that his Dad is disrespecting me by going against what I asked. I don't think waiting a few months till he knows the relationship is steady is too big an ask. Also he only has his son 2 nights every other week so why does he have to see her on these days? I'm worried that this pattern is going to go on throughout my son's life if I didn't say anything but I'm scared to stay anything because I think he'll keep doing it but ask my son to keep it secret from me.

I hope that explains it ok. AIBU?

NewIdeasToday Sun 05-Mar-17 17:40:47

I don't see how you'll be able to change this. So you'll have to find other ways of teaching your son about healthy relationships.

You never know - seeing his father with a series of short lived relationships may help your son to appreciate the value of more committed and supportive long term relationships.

RandomMess Sun 05-Mar-17 17:44:11

There is nothing you can do tbh. Just ensure you be a positive role model. I think it's better you don't say anything than risk your DS being told to be secretive, that puts unreasonable pressure on your DS and also means that you can't talk to your DS about different kinds of relationships etc...

northernshepherdess Sun 05-Mar-17 18:58:50

Fellas ex tried her hardest to separate us by demanding he be in a stable relationship before I was allowed near HER son... Wed been together a year at that point.
When fella got all uppety about her bfs I felt I needed to point out that as humans we make relationships every day (except me, I'm odd) every cashier, old lady, new dinner lady etc etc is a new introduction so unless the child is being pushed into calling them mummy or starting a mummy relationship with them then it's one to let go.

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