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Child Maintenance Payments

(42 Posts)
Mumsruleboysdrool Sun 05-Mar-17 08:38:36

AIBU to not demand CM from my daughters dad? he isn't in a great financial situation at the moment. He works full time but is on a reduced wage as his employer pays for his college course (he's in his 30's so quite lucky to have the opportunity) he owns a property but rents it out to cover the mortgage and has moved back to his mums to reduce his outgoings. he downgraded his car to get a cheap runaround and generally struggles each week to cover his bills. I work part time and my partner has his own business. we are by no means 'loaded' but are very comfortable. Have a lovely home, 2 cars and can afford to take the kids for days out and treats etc without it affecting our bills. understandably my partner is frustrated with the situation, especially because we pay nearly £300 a month in maintenance payments to his ex wife for his 2 kids. Mine and my exes daughter is 3 so gets 15 hours a week free childcare, the extra hours she does come to a total cost of £60 per month, myself and my ex pay half each to cover this. Taking in to account my ex partners wage, if I was to enforce payments through CSA he would be expected to pay around £100 a month, I just don't feel it would be morally right to ask for his money when I don't particularly 'need' it and my ex would really see a difference (that would be his monthly food spend for example) He is a great dad, has our daughter 3 nights a week, she loves spending time with him and he does what he can, the occasional cinema trip or free/cheap things like the park or play centres. Am I wrong to think he is doing enough and that's ok for now? He has every intention of paying more once he is qualified and has a better income (around 18 months from now)

Beth2511 Sun 05-Mar-17 08:42:10

tbh if he has her 3 nights a week then its more or less 50 50 so i wouldnt either

IamFriedSpam Sun 05-Mar-17 08:44:30

Exactly he's almost 50-50 so I wouldn't bother getting money from him either.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Sun 05-Mar-17 08:44:57

You have virtually 50/50 care. In this situation I wouldn't either.

SookiesSocks Sun 05-Mar-17 08:45:43


If the reduced income now will lead to a better one later and your DD will benefit from that then I think it is acceptable.
You both sound like good parents and have your DDs best interests at heart.
From what you have said your ex is not living the high life while not paying for his child so I can understand why you have chosen not to demand payment.

CallingGloria Sun 05-Mar-17 08:58:57

Can he not make nominal payments until his situation improves?

Mumsruleboysdrool Sun 05-Mar-17 09:01:18

What are nominal payments?

Willyoujustbequiet Sun 05-Mar-17 09:07:03

If you are very comfortable why are you only paying £150 per child for your step children yet your ex who is struggling would pay £100

twattymctwatterson Sun 05-Mar-17 09:08:15

Actually I kind of see where your partner is coming from. You're expecting him to support his kids and contribute to supporting your kids but not asking their father to contribute.

19lottie82 Sun 05-Mar-17 09:08:56

Nominal means small, less than normal.

I agree, if he has DC 3 nights a week then no need given the circumstances.

Mumsruleboysdrool Sun 05-Mar-17 09:35:46

The £300 a month was a mutual arrangement between my partner and his ex. That was set up before we got together so i haven't had an input to that.I can understand why my partner is frustrated as well, which is why I put 'understandably' in my OP, and is also why I'm asking for advice and other opinions as to whether I am being unreasonable or not...Thanks for everyone's responses so far smile

19lottie82 Sun 05-Mar-17 09:38:12

Plug your OPs details into the CMA calculator and show your DP, with his low wage and how many nights he has your DC, the low figure he would actually have to pay. It might stop him moaning as much.

19lottie82 Sun 05-Mar-17 09:43:15

I estimated your Ex as earning £300 a week, with your DD staying with him 3 nights a week your entitlement would be £21 per week.

If he is generally a good dad and as you said, does take her out and spend on her when he can afford it..... is it really worth chasing him for this? Especially when he will be paying more in 18 months?

lampshady Sun 05-Mar-17 09:46:12

Does he cover childcare when your child is with him? And does he do half of holidays? That'd make a big difference to how I view it.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Sun 05-Mar-17 09:47:37

NC fail there OP / Lauratul

Mumsruleboysdrool Sun 05-Mar-17 09:47:37

Thanks Lottie. That's what I've thought, he already pays half the childcare fees so £30 a month so I do feel he is doing enough considering the current situation he is in.

Mumsruleboysdrool Sun 05-Mar-17 09:49:29

Haha I'm new to this piglet!! We haven't had any situation yet where I've been stuck for childcare in holidays as mine and my exes partners families all help out and have managed to cover it that way so far.

Mumsruleboysdrool Sun 05-Mar-17 09:51:04

my ex partners family not exes partners family. shock

SookiesSocks Sun 05-Mar-17 09:51:21

OP as you say you have no involvement in your partners set up for CM so frankly he should have no input in yours.
He pays £300 pm because he can afford to. Your ex doesnt because he cant afford to.

carefreeeee Sun 05-Mar-17 10:29:06

Sounds like maybe you should be paying him not the other way round?

fatmummy87 Sun 05-Mar-17 10:32:19

Yanbu - he has his dc almost half the week and pays half the childcare. I assume you claim the child benefit? I'd say this is fair.

fatmummy87 Sun 05-Mar-17 10:33:58

Sounds like maybe you should be paying him not the other way round?

confused why do you think that? There are 7 nights in a week. Ex has dc 3 of them and op has dc 4.

KarmaNoMore Sun 05-Mar-17 10:39:59

I think that considering he should pay about £20 a week and he is already paying £30 a week for childcare, he is paying more than he should albeit doing it in kind.

But then, I have an ex who believes that as he was paying CM, the only other thing that should come from his pocket was the amount spent in food while DS was with him. hmm

fatmummy87 Sun 05-Mar-17 10:41:12

karma it's £30 a month childcare fees

EnormousTiger Sun 05-Mar-17 11:03:18

It is so hard to generalise. Our full timke child care for under 5s was about £30,000 a year. Other people will have zero so what is reasonable for some is not for others.

Here the father almost has the child half the week - just a night less and presumably the child benefit if you get it is not split. May be one solution is he has her the 4th night too and he gets the child benefit and neither of you pay anything. Or just leave tghings as they are. It is very good that your ex has bought a house, lets it out to save money and is getting hsi unviersity education. those steps sound just right to ensure future financial stability for your child and his father.

My ex pays nothing and doesn't see the children and I paid him on the divorce. Silly man. I pay for everything and work full time.

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