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Should I say nothing?

(35 Posts)
drunkandtired Sun 05-Mar-17 01:45:43

Trying to make it as basic as possible, but this is a facebook thing.

I am in a relationship and this guy (Ian) is in a relationship

Maybe a year ago we got chatting on PM, both of us have children the same age, thought nothing of it. We went to school together, reconnected on facebook type thing.

Roughly 10 months ago, he sent me a message replied and it turned sexual. I replied that I thought it was inappropriate, didn't want to know etc. I also told my partner. 8 months ago same thing again, he got the same reply.

At the time I thought of sending the messages to his girlfriend, but had second thoughts.

Just got through a new message, roughly the same. Girlfriend is newly pregnant (12 weeks I think) and he has just proposed.

The first one I ignored thinking he was drunk, the second one, I admit I should of blocked him. This one, I am now thinking prick, but do I let her know?

NapQueen Sun 05-Mar-17 01:55:34

Id want to know if I was her.

Id screen shot them and send the screenshots.

Zafodbeeblbrox10 Sun 05-Mar-17 01:57:43

Why didn't you just de-friend him after the first sexual message if you were in a relationship and it was unwanted? Or does everyone need to have absolutely everyone they've ever known as a Facebook friend?

drunkandtired Sun 05-Mar-17 02:11:29

If it was unwanted? And If I was in a relationship?

It was very much unwanted, I told him at the time and also told him a few days later. I also told my partner and asked his advice on it, which was to ignore it.

I have family and friends on my facebook, I don't have the whole world and his auntie on there

Topseyt Sun 05-Mar-17 02:16:14

Just unfriend and block him.

Originalfoogirl Sun 05-Mar-17 02:17:53

Still unclear why you haven't deleted him off your FB. Fairly sure I would have after the first message. Definitely would have after the second.

But, unless she was a very good friend of mine, I'd mind my own bloody business.

Chocolatedreamsandtea Sun 05-Mar-17 02:23:47

Delete him and don't do anything more. Nothing happened and you don't know her well enough to tell her.

highinthesky Sun 05-Mar-17 02:28:59

FB can be the devil's work. I suggest you stop using it until you can differentiate between this waste of time and RL.

drunkandtired Sun 05-Mar-17 02:34:28

The first one I literally put down, and hold my hands up was wrong, due to being very drunk. After the second, I have already said I was wrong not to delete.

drunkandtired Sun 05-Mar-17 02:37:01


I suggest you stop using it until you can differentiate between this waste of time and RL.

What gives you that impression?

Birdsgottaf1y Sun 05-Mar-17 02:42:00

You thought better of telling his GF, previously, but now, whilst she's pregnant and he is doing nothing, you want to tear apart her life?

So did he message you last, eight months ago? Five months before his GF got pregnant?

They may have been going through a bad patch, but have turned it around.

You need to forget about it and put an immediate stop to any sex texting from men in relationships, tbh.

HarleyQuinzel Sun 05-Mar-17 02:52:28

TBH the fact that this is the third time he's messaged you is making me think you weren't very clear the first two times round. He obviously still thinks he's in with some sort of chance. Tell him to fuck right off and block him.

I don't think I would say anything, but I can understand if you wanted to (sorry that's probably not very helpfulconfused).

drunkandtired Sun 05-Mar-17 02:53:45

No, He sent me a message maybe an hour before I put this post up. I did explain that in the original message.

I am not sex texting anyone, so have no idea where you have gotten that idea from.

drunkandtired Sun 05-Mar-17 02:58:25


I thought I had explained it very clearly the second time around, but you are right he did not get the message.

My problem is not with blocking and deleting the guy, that has no effect on my life, the problem I have is whether to tell his pregnant fiance that he is a shit

Birdsgottaf1y Sun 05-Mar-17 03:03:55

Why haven't you blocked him, though?

What's she going to do, abort at nearly four months pregnant? Or just be that upset that it causes her a physical response?

Getting engaged, doesn't mean that they'll get married.

I think you should finally block him and leave well alone.

LoupGarou Sun 05-Mar-17 03:06:57

Block him and forget about the whole thing. Not your circus so to speak.

drunkandtired Sun 05-Mar-17 03:10:53

I admitted I was wrong not to delete him after the second time.

You have assumed I haven't deleted him.

I mentioned the fact that she was pregnant and now engaged to highlight the fact that the relationship was not in a bad patch.

Birdsgottaf1y Sun 05-Mar-17 03:16:15

I just think the time has passed to tell her.

What good is going to come of it, now she's pregnant?

graciestocksfield Sun 05-Mar-17 03:21:55

I suggest you stop using it until you can differentiate between this waste of time and RL.

Er, you're on Mumsnet, love. Pot, kettle, much?

drunkandtired Sun 05-Mar-17 03:34:22

Maybe I didn't explain it properly:

He has messaged me tonight

he has proposed to his girlfriend who is 12 weeks (ish) pregnant in the last few weeks

Chocolatedreamsandtea Sun 05-Mar-17 03:36:36

Don't upset the apple cart whilst she is pregnant - she doesn't need the stress.

Tell him what a scanbsg he is and threat to tell her if doesn't stop then delete him

LoupGarou Sun 05-Mar-17 03:50:09

Just ignore it and block him so he can't message you anymore.

BoomBoomsCousin Sun 05-Mar-17 03:51:16

I think you should let her know if you can. I would want to know - before i actually married him and ideally while I still had some time to make a choice about the pregnancy. I probably wouldn't thank you for it, because it's hard to be grateful for news like that, but I would want to know.

drunkandtired Sun 05-Mar-17 04:29:24

They are already tied, since they have a child together.

I have no interest in this. The easy thing is to delete and go on with my own life, I am not going to know what might happen.

But if it was me I would want to know, but that is me. As others have said there are other considerations to take into fact now.

But then I go with if he is trying it on with me, and getting no were how many others is he it doing with and getting somewhere.

Maybe she knows and turns a blind eye. I know so little about it. Its not like it was a good friend that I can say he is a fucking prick, he sent me this

Chocolatedreamsandtea Sun 05-Mar-17 05:05:44

Are you implying she'd get an abortion if she knew her fiancé was sexting?! Wow - that's cold and even more reason just to stay quiet and leave alone- why would you want that on your conscience?!
I think you like this whole drama.
Just leave this poor women's life and her baby alone.

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