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to think that visiting time is visiting time

(84 Posts)
wherethewildrosesgrow Sat 04-Mar-17 19:43:12

I'm 37 weeks pregnant, due for induction next Tues 5pm (week38)........I've already had two requests for visitors on the Weds morning & afternoon, FOR FUCKS SAKE...........I understand that everyone is keen to see the new baby....but really?? I might not have even had the baby by then ( I hope I have), the main problem I have is that visiting time is 3-5pm & 6.30-8pm, and the in laws are expecting me to 'have a word' with the midwives, so they can be allowed in on Weds at 9am (assuming I HAVE given birth), only partners with the babies sibling are allowed in at 9am, and the in laws are fully expecting to be let in as well, saying 'its only us' and 'we are the grandparents after all'.....my own parents are also expecting to be let in at around 12pm, as they have an appointment in the same town as the birthing hospital, which is a considerable drive from their house, so they don't want to hang around for hours between their own appointment and the start of visiting, or drive all the way back.
My answer to them both is no, just no
my partner thinks I'm being unreasonable, and it wouldn't hurt to let them in just for a few mins
But I want that time from 9am to be our time, just us, me partner and our 2 older children, the babies 2 older siblings, together just the 5 of us. Its a time we will not get back again.
I think that visiting time is visiting time, if the midwives let one set of in laws in, they would have to let everybody's visitors in...the place would be bedlam.
I've told them clearly that they will not be allowed in, message doesn't seem to be sinking in.....my first birth was late afternoon, so everyone managed to visit the same evening, my second was at midnight and mother in law managed to sneak in at 9am the next morning behind another dad visiting his new born, she was quickly told that it was not general visiting time, but not til after she'd managed a sneaky hold of the baby. I also don't plan on giving everyone the details of the baby until our elder 2 children know first, I think they should be the first to know if the have a new baby brother or sister, so if I give birth in the middle of the night, everyone will just get a call or a text saying 'baby is here more details to follow once 1& 2 know'.....also with both my other 2 children, as we have been discharged from hospital, I have been met on the doorstep of our home by my sis in law,who has driven 150 miles to visit the newborns....another time I think is very special and a private occasion. ........am I just being pregnant and grumpy like my partner suggests ?

Trifleorbust Sat 04-Mar-17 19:47:32

Ha ha "Only me!!"

Those rules are there for excellent reasons, OP. Not only might you not have given birth by then, there is no way of knowing whether you will have needed a c-section, whether you will be having stitches, whether the baby will be learning to latch on etc.

They are being ridiculous. Tell them under no circumstances will you do this. YOU will tell THEM when you are up for visitors.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sat 04-Mar-17 19:48:14

"sorry but coach trips to (insert hospital name) are cancelled until further notice. ."
Fuck that. . I usually don't grasp the opposing to visitors but you get my best mner support in this case!! Tell your dh he needs to be in your corner as it's you that going to be giving birth and you expect him to be the best doorman ever!! Hospital for the rest +birth. Select visitors in visiting time only. Home whenever is best for you +baby. And visitors when you are ready not when relatives have a big strop. Dh needs to grow a pair. .

KatnissMellark Sat 04-Mar-17 19:48:57

Induced at 5pm??? You'll be lucky to have had baby by 9am next day confused and even if you have they are being massively unrealistic and unfair to you and others who'll be on the ward. They are not a special case and they can bloody well wait. I'd be complaining loudly if they turned up outside of visiting hours and I was there.

Post natal wards are for recovery and learning to look after your baby, not for a constant stream of random people while new mums are sat there bleeding/leaking/trying to feed. There are visiting hours for a reason. Your DP also needs to support you in this too.

StripeyDeckchair Sat 04-Mar-17 19:49:46

No, totally reasonable
I'd be tempted to lie & tell them the date of the induction has been moved to Thursday due to lack of beds

But I like to be totally in control of things & would find people sneaking into hospital & on the doorstep when I got home incredibly stressful & wouldn't deal with it well

MrEBear Sat 04-Mar-17 19:51:29

You may not have given birth by the Wednesday. And even if you have you don't need to tell anybody.

ferriswheel Sat 04-Mar-17 19:52:19

Omg. You are so right. And so sensible. That is truly awful behaviour on their part.

BottomlyP0tts Sat 04-Mar-17 19:53:14

Just tell them no - then tell the midwives on duty that your parents will most likely be showing up and to kindly turn them away.

I had the whole bloody family in the birthing room with me at one point with DS1. When my midwife went to the toilet she promptly booted them out.

Then - my mother and stepfather along with DS1 (who wasn't even 2) decided to visit me on the intensive care ward outside of visiting hours after DS2s birth I was so upset - my son saw his mum in a state that he shouldn't have I couldn't hold him etc he left screaming and my parents just ignored every request. How did they get in? Used my Aunty who was the anaesthetic technician on duty to swipe them in. (She should know better)

miserablemolly Sat 04-Mar-17 19:53:37

The hospital I gave birth in had a security man, a bouncer really. There was absolutely no exception to the rule. The waiting room for all prenatal appointments was beside the entrance to the wards so I spent many hours watching him turn pissed off relatives away.

Note3 Sat 04-Mar-17 19:53:39

When your partner isn't about I would have a word with midwives and explain situation. Say even if your partner says otherwise to them, you want absolutely no visitors except him outside of visiting hours and that members from both your families are refusing to listen to you so can they please help by prohibiting any visitors. Explain you will have very little time to yourself with baby once you leave hospital so you want to protect this special time

You won't be the first or last so this request won't surprise them

Lelloteddy Sat 04-Mar-17 19:53:52

Don't worry about it. Smile sweetly and nod.
Then let them try and get past the midwives out of visiting hours ( midwives who you will prewarn)

My Ex couldn't be arsed to get to the hospital for morning visiting the day after DD was born. He was 'too tired' poor lamb.
I could hear him ranting on the intercom two hours later about his rights to visit. He left with his tail between his legs.

KickAssAngel Sat 04-Mar-17 19:55:47

YANBU

I would be so fed up if I were on a ward having just given birth and a load of extra people turned up. Plus, it's when doctors do rounds, meds get distributed etc. It isn't just about being able to bond - it could distract from essential medical care of you/baby and other people. Really, really, selfish and unkind of grandparents to try and get in when told no.

lalalalyra Sat 04-Mar-17 19:55:53

Don't do the baby is here text. That just sets everything in motion. Don't tell them until after 1&2 have been told and you buy yourself more peace.

Trifleorbust Sat 04-Mar-17 19:56:05

Whereas I wouldn't lie. In these circumstances I would tell them directly: you're being very pushy. Please stop putting pressure on me. I will let you know when it is a good time to visit.

Sparklingbrook Sat 04-Mar-17 20:00:04

I wouldn't have told them about being induced. But now would put my foot down about what will and won't be happening.

I said no hospital visitors at all

lalalalyra Sat 04-Mar-17 20:00:10

Used my Aunty who was the anaesthetic technician on duty to swipe them in. (She should know better)

Your Aunt should have copped serious disciplinary measures for that imo. That's awful.

luckylucky24 Sat 04-Mar-17 20:03:32

I wouldn't tell them until your eldest have met baby. You obviously cannot trust them not to sneak in before then.

PertuniaPerpetualMotion Sat 04-Mar-17 20:07:15

I gave birth last week and saw some want to be visitors being given short shrift by the midwives as they did not meet the criteria or were within visiting hours. Quite right.

The hospital I was in had 3 to a bay and even those small numbers + visitors+ new babies = lots and lots of noise!

Good luck with induction

endofthelinefinally Sat 04-Mar-17 20:08:10

I really hope you complained officially about your aunty.
That is serious professional misconduct.

DJBaggySmalls Sat 04-Mar-17 20:08:11

YANBU. I really dont get people who want to muscle in on the early days, instead of asking if there is anything they can help with.

Cocolepew Sat 04-Mar-17 20:10:48

I eouldnt send the baby is here text either.
Do they think you will be the omly person on the ward? How selfish.
Good luck smile

Questioningeverything Sat 04-Mar-17 20:12:58

I was booked in for induction at 9pm Monday night. Thursday morning at 8.30 he was born 😂😂😂

highinthesky Sat 04-Mar-17 20:13:02

YANBU

BUT I can fully understand people's excitement at welcoming a new baby into this world. Save it until you get home and make sure your OH pulls his weight to look after visitors.

Questioningeverything Sat 04-Mar-17 20:13:47

Oh and they didn't actually DO anything or start me until gone midnight. That was a barrel of sodding laughs

BoomBoomsCousin Sat 04-Mar-17 20:15:16

YANB pregnant and grumpy. YAB pregnant and cognizant of the physical ordeal you will have to go through and the need to develop an emotional bond with your new baby. Your partner, on the other hand, is treating it a bit like going to the showroom to pick up a new car.

Stick to your guns.

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