Advanced search

To move abroad to have a baby?

(198 Posts)
leastlittletouchofspleen Sat 04-Mar-17 12:39:42

It's probably madness, but here goes.

I am single. I have always wanted to be a parent but that elusive One keeps evading me.

My parents are dead. My mother died when I was 16 (cancer) and my dad died 3 years ago (heart attack sad

I have NO support, therefore, and that's the thing I keep hearing.

I have very good friends but the ones I know I could rely on for support if shit really did come to shite are abroad. They have been pressurising me mercilessly suggesting I also move.

Pros - it's a beautiful place, cheap to live, very friendly, my friends gin
Cons - my home is here, my job is here (opportunities for my line of work are few and far between there: I can do something related ish but not as much money.)

Any thoughts?

Tobuyornot99 Sat 04-Mar-17 12:42:31

Are you pregnant now?

araiwa Sat 04-Mar-17 12:43:49

what does going abroad have to do with having a baby?

WaegukSaram Sat 04-Mar-17 12:45:45

Lower cost of living does help with small children, I moved abroad to start a family, because I was living in London and would never have been able to afford childcare.

How much support are your friends likely to give? Would you be able to support yourself if everything went tits up?

leastlittletouchofspleen Sat 04-Mar-17 12:46:27

No, I'm not pregnant.

what does going abroad have to do with having a baby

The fact that I've got people to help me abroad, but I haven't here. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

Tobuyornot99 Sat 04-Mar-17 12:48:46

But wouldn't meeting "the One" whilst living in the UK mean you'd have support, or are you hoping to meet him abroad?
I would be wary of packing up my life on the say so of a few friends, no matter how great, you could fall out / they could get wrapped dup in career or own kids and not be much help etc etc.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 04-Mar-17 12:48:49

Your friends that live abroad - what are your expectations of them if you did move to be near them?

Have you discussed with your friends how they would feel about you moving over there and them being responsible for helping you if you needed it? Financially, emotionally, physically being there to take care of the child etc.

Chinnygirl Sat 04-Mar-17 12:50:25

It really depends on which country. The Netherlands where you can easily get a job because everyone speaks english or Syria where the houses are reallt cheap.

MatildaTheCat Sat 04-Mar-17 12:51:33

It really depends on whether you can actually support yourself and child in the new country. Would you be eligible for health care or any other benefits? Educational opportunities for your child and the safety of the place all matter hugely.

Do your friends have young families? Could you go for a few months and evaluate the practicalities? I have to say it sounds risky but that's just me. We all have varying attitudes to these things.

WorraLiberty Sat 04-Mar-17 12:53:42

Who are you going to plan a baby with?

blueskyinmarch Sat 04-Mar-17 12:53:51

I seem to be missing something. You have no partner and are not yet pregnant. Are you planning donor insemination? You are going to need money for that I assume? It doesn't seem to be a very well thought out plan to move to where you may not get a decently paid job and with no guarantee of a baby either.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Sat 04-Mar-17 12:53:52

I'm not sure where this baby is coming from, but unless your friends have kids too they very likely won't be there to help. Even if they have kids they'll probably be too busy with their own families.

If you want to travel then go for it but I really don't think it can have anything much to do with having a baby, unless you can get cheap IVF with donor sperm there too?

Heirhelp Sat 04-Mar-17 12:54:15

You would need to factor in the ability to get a job, maternity rights and pays, the cost of health care especially when having a baby, the standard/cost of education and the availability of childcare.

EweAreHere Sat 04-Mar-17 12:54:40

It depends where they live and will you be able to work and afford childcare, because you certainly won't be entitled to benefits if you move to another country solely to have a baby and stay at home, and you shouldn't be.

That said, you only get one chance at life. If you really want to have a baby, and believe you'll work hard to be a great parent, then I'd say go for it if you can and want to. A support network would make that even better for you, but make sure that will truly be in place before you move.

Good luck, OP.

leastlittletouchofspleen Sat 04-Mar-17 12:54:59

Tobuy - realistically, meeting The One ain't gonna happen now grin I'm a bit old and ugly to be swept off my feet. No, I meant having a baby as a single parent.

Yes, health care and so on all fine. Lovely safe place.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mean I would envision dumping the child on either friend for hours at a time, but in an absolute emergency (for example, if I had to go to hospital) they would help.

leastlittletouchofspleen Sat 04-Mar-17 12:55:40

Ewe, does every thread have to turn into benefit bashing?

I mentioned work. I would NOT be claiming benefits, regardless of where I lived.

WorraLiberty Sat 04-Mar-17 12:56:36

But where will the sperm come from?

OrangeJulius Sat 04-Mar-17 12:56:48

On the face of it, go for it. I am absolutely struggling mentally at the moment, its just me and Dh and our baby. We moved to a place where we knew no one when I was pregnant, I so wish I had some friends or family close by.

araiwa Sat 04-Mar-17 12:57:25

you seem a bit of a mess

i'd take some time to think through things yourself

but moving abroad seems a bit weird and desperate

you dont give any details about where you would go but consider family laws in this country, what will you do for money/ job, im sure your friends are nice but i doubt they want to be seen as your childcarer, do they have kids? or will you be sat at home with baby while they all go out. where is this father gonna appear from?

murdershewrote Sat 04-Mar-17 12:58:30

It is possible to build up a support network here, though it is hard. I am single parent to two, no family support but have worked very hard at making friends with other mums with kids and offered to do bit of child care for them and they they have reciprocated, for things like hospital appointments or emergencies etc. I would be wary of moving your whole life particularly if it would make working more difficult

greenthings Sat 04-Mar-17 12:58:38

Personally I think London is a hard, stressful place to bring up a child on your own. I speak from experience - at least unless you have good health, money and support.

blueskyinmarch Sat 04-Mar-17 12:58:43

I think a good plan might be to find a job near your friends and move there. Enjoy your life. I know wanting a a baby can become all consuming but it isn't everything and it can be difficult as a single parent. If after a year in your new life you still want that baby then go for donor insemination? Who knows you might even meet someone in that time.

leastlittletouchofspleen Sat 04-Mar-17 13:00:12

A man, Worra.

I'm not sure what I've said that makes me sound a bit of a mess!

The move isn't just about having a baby but realistically, if I stay here, and I need to go into hospital, the child would need to go to foster care: that's one example of many.

leastlittletouchofspleen Sat 04-Mar-17 13:00:27

I don't live in London at the moment, by the way!

Aderyn2016 Sat 04-Mar-17 13:00:37

It's not benefit bashing, it's just pointing out that stuff you can rely on getting if you are in need here, will not be available if you go elsewhere.
I know you intend to work but babies throw a lot of unforeseen variables into the mix. You may have a difficult pg or birth and be unable to work, your child may have additional needs that impact ability to work. You can never say for sure.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: