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To expect my OH not to invite others on our date?

(27 Posts)
Bananacabana Sat 04-Mar-17 10:04:30

Feeling a little miffed and wondering if I should be taking it personally that my DP has arranged for another couple to come out with us. AIBU? It's the first time we've had chance to go out as a couple in the past 18 months due to child care issues and then he invites others to come! It's only to the cinema but he didn't consult me at all, he just arranged it. It makes me feel as though he is avoiding spending time alone with me, unless he really didn't think it through and knew they wanted to see the film too? Am I being a bit touchy?

HecateAntaia Sat 04-Mar-17 10:06:12

i dont think so, no.

have you told him how you feel?

Yeahfine Sat 04-Mar-17 10:07:28

I would prefer that myself.

Bananacabana Sat 04-Mar-17 10:07:51

Not yet because he hasn't even told me they are coming yet, they told me! That makes me suspect he knows he's in the wrong.

meganorks Sat 04-Mar-17 10:08:27

I wouldn't assume he doesn't want to spend time alone with you, he probably just didn't think it through.

Yeahfine Sat 04-Mar-17 10:09:00

When I read your title I assumed you had only just met. If you live together and have children what's the problem? You see him every day presumably. Sounds like more fun to go with other people.

Bananacabana Sat 04-Mar-17 10:09:24

Thanks for your answers, I think you're probably right that he didn't think it through. Just odd that he didn't mention it to me either confused

HecateAntaia Sat 04-Mar-17 10:10:38

you dont have to wait until he tells you.
you can say x told me you invited them on our date. i feel very disappointed. i was very much looking forward to spending time just me and you. we havent had any time to enjoy being a couple for a year and a half. why did you do this?

Bananacabana Sat 04-Mar-17 10:12:27

Yeahfine - the problem is we need date type events. I am seen as the mother and the cleaner and we rarely see each other as us. Perhaps I'm being silly or selfish, I was just looking forward to some us time.
I really like the other couple, it just seems weird and impolite not to even mention it

DontTouchTheMoustache Sat 04-Mar-17 10:13:22

Perhaps the other couple have sort of invited themselves and your dp was too polite to say no? For example he might have mentioned you are off to see x film and they said "oh we have been meaning to see that, what time are you going...?" and it has gone from there?

user1483387154 Sat 04-Mar-17 10:13:44

I would be disappointed too and especially miffed as he hasn't even told you yet!

Bananacabana Sat 04-Mar-17 10:14:36

Yeah Hecate, I will definitely say something, perhaps he can take me out again then (hopefully sooner than another 18 months time), just the two of us smile

HecateAntaia Sat 04-Mar-17 10:15:37

how many hours do you have childcare for? could you go for dinner just the two of you after the film?

Bananacabana Sat 04-Mar-17 10:16:17

Donttouch - he is very polite to others so that could definitely be plausible. Thank you smile

SaucyJack Sat 04-Mar-17 10:16:59

I think the problem is that he didn't discuss it with you.

I don't think either of you are wrong (or right) on bringing friends (or not).

Are they good friends of yours too? If one doesn't get out much then it's fun to go out full stop. They might be great company.

But obviously you're not wrong in wanting a date night.

<picks out fence splinters from arse crevice>

pieceofpurplesky Sat 04-Mar-17 10:17:24

My ex and I had struggled financially for years and not had a holiday. Things turned a corner and we planned a two week break to Fuerteventura ..... just us.
We arrived to be greeted by his friend and girlfriend - who I really didn't get on with (she was very rude and abrasive - played rugby and once she had a couple of pints down her she likes to rugby tackle women to show how strong she was!) . Ex spent every night on the piss with those two - really heavy drinkers - and all day sleeping it off.
I wouldn't go out as didn't want to be slammed down by the woman. Found a lovely little bar on the harbour and sat there every night watching the world go by and planning my new life!
So no OP yanbu!

Bananacabana Sat 04-Mar-17 10:18:05

User148 - yeah I feel pretty disappointed.

Bananacabana Sat 04-Mar-17 10:20:01

Hecate - We have about three hours, just enough time to see the film really.

Lapinlapin Sat 04-Mar-17 10:20:43

I can see both sides. To start with I thought you meant a date to a restaurant or something. Cinema is a bit different though, as it means 2 hours sitting in silence! So not such an intimate date.

In fact to me the cinema seems a bit of an odd choice for a couple who doesn't spend much time together. (And I sympathise, as we're the same)

Bananacabana Sat 04-Mar-17 10:21:01

I don't know why that posted twice confused

Bananacabana Sat 04-Mar-17 10:22:18

SaucyJack - they are more his friends but I get on well with them and really like them.

Bananacabana Sat 04-Mar-17 10:23:23

Pieceofpurple - thank you for relating. It's good to know I am not being unreasonable.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Sat 04-Mar-17 10:25:24

We didn't go out for ages too and I really missed my friends. DP was quite insistent when we finally got a night out that we make the most of it and have a nice dinner, just the two of us, so that's what we did. I would have been just as happy with our old friends though so if he hadn't specifically said I may well have arranged to meet friends.

Don't be too mad. Spending time with good friends probably makes him remember good times with you too, all together.

We had a gorgeous romantic dinner but we have a group dinner planned soon too. We know we still love each other's company regardless.

Bananacabana Sat 04-Mar-17 10:26:18

Lapin- yes I agree the cinema isn't the most intimate place for a date but it was his choice as he really wanted to see the film.

Thinking about it, perhaps I got it into my head it was a date and put too much importance into it.

SpookyPotato Sat 04-Mar-17 10:47:15

I would be a but miffed too, especially not mentioning it.. I soend every day with DP as he works from home but we never get to go out together and just be us. I would have been looking forward to having a childless flirty date!
One way I can relate is I love going outdoors with my toddler, a nice walk somewhere.. DP isn't so keen and takes persuading. But when friends suggest it, he does it as he doesn't want to look lazy/anti-social. Then I think "well I wish you'd make the effort to do it with us before thinking about doing it with others" when his train of thought is "Spooky will be alright with me not going with her but will put myself through it for appearances sake with friends"

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