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To be upset about this?

(10 Posts)
Sugarlightly Sat 04-Mar-17 02:07:13

It dawned on me a few weeks ago that I hadn't really seen anyone except DP and people from work since new year so I thought I'd text a few of my friends to ask if they wanted to meet up. I'm just getting frustrated though because the conversations all go like this:

"Do you want to meet up?"
"Yeah that would be great"
"I'm free weekends and evenings so let me know if you're available on X date and if not let me know some days you are free"
"Okay!"

And nothing ever happens and I'll continue to text and ask about days they are free but this continues in circles of me asking "are you free on x day" and my friends being like "no sorry!" but never offering suggestions of other days.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit down about this lately, as well as a bit lonely, as it's not one specific group of friends but individual ones. I wondered if this is something that happens to everyone and I'm just being a bit OTT getting myself upset about it?

DogMama89 Sat 04-Mar-17 02:11:24

Oh op I'm sorry flowers
But everyone is busy, and (everyone I know is skint). You could always invite people over for a cuppa or something brief?
Sorry i can't help more

ScarlettFreestone Sat 04-Mar-17 02:17:58

It depends why they aren't saying yes. If it's childcare arrange to meet up somewhere child friendly.

If it's money offer to host at yours.

My friends and I all have fairly complicated schedules and commitments so our super organised friend sets up a Survey Monkey survey with all the dates for the next two months on it and emails it out. We all reply and she works out the best date.

Alternatively sometimes it's best to get one other person definitely on board with a specific time and place and say "Jeanie and I are going for a curry at 8pm on Friday, is anyone free to join".

EmeraldScorn Sat 04-Mar-17 02:23:41

Oh OP, I feel your frustration as I am "experiencing" similar with a friend.

I've said to her three times since before Christmas "Let me know if you fancy lunch or a drink at some point soon." And in response I've received "OK" or "I will" but then no lunch date has materialised.

This week (Monday it was) I texted her to say hello and again I said about meeting up and her reply was "Yeah I'll let you know", the most annoying thing is that she lives less than a two minute walk from me but I haven't seen her since late November, I didn't see her at all over Christmas and I still have her gifts.

I've decided not to bother asking her again because if she wanted to see me she would!

BeIIatrix Sat 04-Mar-17 02:41:11

I have a similar thing, I have a few very different groups of friends and individual friends, and same as you have asked them to let me know when they are free, and nothing happens

This is exactly how people die a social death and end up sitting in the house in front of repeats of only fools and horses every weekend

On average I probably only meet up with friends once every three months because of the constant faff. Most of them don't have small kids either, I think its I literally the bother of getting ready and leaving the house x

JonesyAndTheSalad Sat 04-Mar-17 02:55:53

Try being more specific.

Hey, let's meet up on the 22nd, at the X bar. Shall we make it at 7.00pm?"

highinthesky Sat 04-Mar-17 03:15:45

I agree with Jonesy: put a date out there and take it from there.

KateDaniels2 Sat 04-Mar-17 06:17:50

I get frustrated with people who say they want to meet up but don't suggest a date or time.

Its like they want to meet up but dont want to actually arrange anything and its up to me to sort it out.

Sugarlightly Sat 04-Mar-17 08:10:08

Thanks guys for being so lovely - Its not necessarily a good thing to hear that other people have the same problem but definitely makes me feel like I'm not alone with this. I left uni a year and a half ago where it was easier to meet with friends (as I lived with them and had more time to meet up!)

I love the survey thing haha that's incredible, however a little too organised for me.

I often try to suggest specific dates - however I am lucky in that I don't have children and have a "9-5" Mon-Fri job but my friends aren't in the same place as me so often can't make specific days. I'm a nurse so a lot of my friends work shifts - and after uni are kinda spread throughout the UK. I do love hosting at mine though so I'll have to make it clearer when I text them that we don't have to go and do something expensive.

ScarlettFreestone Sat 04-Mar-17 14:49:07

The survey thing isn't that unusual - I have several friends who sort things out that way.

It's free and it's really easy to use. If you friends are all on shifts it might help!

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