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to not want to go on this night out after being invited after the fact?

(16 Posts)
NotTodaySatan Sat 04-Mar-17 00:00:19

Last year I was part of a small group of 'school mums' who had semi-regular nights out, one every couple of months on average. The plans would usually be made via group text/whatsapp. The last one I attended was in Nov. Haven't had a message since and have noticed them being a bit less chatty to me at school.

Ex was speaking to one of them after parents evening this week and then told me that 'the mums' had a night planned for a few weeks from now and acquaintance had said I should 'come along'.

My knee jerk reaction is no. If I'm not good enough to be included in the initial plan then I don't want to go as some afterthought.

At this point I'll freely admit I have issues with friendships after some truly hideous experiences in the past so know my view is probably warped. I am very self protective and talk myself out of things easily.

On the flip side, we all seemed to have great fun on our nights and I didn't strip on any bar tops or pee in the street so can't think of any reason for being excommunicated.

Would you go?

TheStoic Sat 04-Mar-17 00:02:56

No. Not if I wasn't directly invited, or part of organising it.

PuddleJumper01 Sat 04-Mar-17 00:03:25

Yes, more likely to be inadvertent than deliberate.

Ask a mum or two you are cosy with why?

Don't let "you" get in the way of you!

Grilledaubergines Sat 04-Mar-17 00:04:33

Go. And whilst your out with them, ask then why the obvious exclusion from initial arrangements. Put them on the spot. Decent reason, fair enough and the air is cleared. Crap excuses, get your bag and your dignity and walk away.

CarGoBoom Sat 04-Mar-17 00:06:00

Well if you have had issues with friendships in the past (and we have all been there so I know where you are coming from) I'd say it's probably not worth your time to pursue this group as a potential friendship group. It sounds shallow and a bit flaked at best and will only feed into.your paranoia. I'd suggest take a step back.

CarGoBoom Sat 04-Mar-17 00:06:37


AlmaMartyr Sat 04-Mar-17 00:07:38

I agree with CarGoBoom but then I've had issues before (including with a similar sounding group) and so would be inclined to give them a wide berth.

NotTodaySatan Sat 04-Mar-17 00:11:41

Thanks all.

I never saw them as potential best buddies as they are all extremely cliquey close and the dynamic I've observed is that they occasionally invite someone into the fold as if they're trying them out or something. On our nights out they sometimes bitched about other people who had been out with them in the past. I was just glad to get a few nights out so went for it but now I'm presuming I didn't make the grade for one reason or another and am probably the current fuel for their bitchiness.

Most definitely won't be asking them what I've done. Have too much self respect for that. Onwards.

wine for everyone.

JazzFunk Sat 04-Mar-17 00:24:52

Fuck em gin

BeIIatrix Sat 04-Mar-17 00:28:51

I would be tempted to go but only if they contacted me

I wouldn't ring one of them and say 'my ex says there's a night out''

BackforGood Sat 04-Mar-17 00:33:21

If you enjoy the nights, then just strike up a conversation in the playground saying how there doesn't seem to have been one for a while, and does anyone know if there is anything planned.
I'd have presumed that these things are pretty casual in the arrangements anyway - just mentioned to people who are about, rather than some kind of register which you have been struck off.

DrivingMeBonkers Sat 04-Mar-17 07:24:08

Why don't you organise a night out?

DontTouchTheMoustache Sat 04-Mar-17 08:15:47

Yes organise a night out and invite all of their past victims!

blubberball Sat 04-Mar-17 09:46:14

I wouldn't bother with them any more, but then I'm probably the type of person to cut off my nose to spite my face. I've distanced myself from a lot of friends, as I would always feel awful after spending any time with them. Feeling like I constantly had to explain and defend myself. I now have very few close friends, and family. Bollocks to anyone else.

Littlepiglittlepig3letmeIN Sat 04-Mar-17 09:49:36

Yes organise a night out and invite all of their past victims!

yes to this .

dowhatnow Sat 04-Mar-17 09:54:36

I'd give up on the nights out. You havent been included in the whats Ap initial planning so some of them don't want you there.
But can you foster some individual relationships with the nicer ones? Perhaps the one who mentioned the night out to DH. She obviously wouldn't have minded you coming.

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