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AIBU?

Am I being a heartless b*t@h

62 replies

Mousedl1 · 03/03/2017 21:33

So back story DH did not get on with mother would say hi if he saw her at his DS but would never visit her and she wasn't allowed contact with our DC. This is our 7th year together and he hasn't seen her on Mother's Day for the last 6. We'll MIL died suddenly last year at a youngish age.
Last week DH told me to make sure I wasn't working Mother's Day as he has something special planned, so I got rather excited and dreaming like things like a lay in and dinner cooked for me 😂
Tonight SIL turned up and the 'something special' is they are going to MIL grave then to visit dad (he is not DH dad and they used to have an awful relationship) in his care home then out for a family meal! Grave is 1 1/2 hours away the care home a further half hour. So he wanted me off work to be at home alone with 3 DC while he goes out with DS's and there children/ partners for the day.
I really struggle with the whole fact of not seeing when they are alive but moping once they die, death doesn't suddenly make them a nice person! I am also annoyed me and DC where it invited as his DS doesn't like driving far so needs to go in his car with him so as the mother of his children my Mother's Day is the same as every other day of the year! Then he sulked and called me a selfish bitch when I said I am not staying in all day and will take DC to the zoo and a picnic

OP posts:

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haveacupoftea · 03/03/2017 21:43

He called you a selfish bitch? Tell him to fuck off! Arsehole.

TitaniasCloset · 03/03/2017 21:46

He is trying to come to terns with the death and his childhood. For goodness sakes cut him some slack. Yabu.

TheOnlyLivingBoiInNewCork · 03/03/2017 21:46

I think you have bigger problems to worry about.

OnHold · 03/03/2017 21:47

I think he's trying to make sense of a lot of stuff. I would cut him some slack.

ReginaGeorgeinSheepsClothing · 03/03/2017 21:48

Zoo and picnic with Dc sounds perfect!! You're not HIS mother- spend it with the people whose mother you are!

ImperialBlether · 03/03/2017 21:48

Sorry - anyone who called me a selfish bitch would be history.

OnHold · 03/03/2017 21:51

Nah. It's not always about you though Is it?
People have all sorts of stuff going on in their heads. Sometimes you just have to let them deal with it.

Mousedl1 · 03/03/2017 21:52

It's not so much the grave visiting it's that his DS doesn't want to drive (she can and has driven there) so is bringing her 2 children and going in his car so we were not even thought to be invited, other DS partner and 2 children are going and then they are all going out for a family Mother's Day meal to which the mother of his DC or his DC are not invited so his dS doesn't want to drive. Then he tried to lay down the law that I stay home with the kids and have a nice day, no if it's just us I am taking them out as they go stir crazy at home all day. This makes me a selfish botch as I won't be here when he gets home

OP posts:

Cynara · 03/03/2017 21:53

Agree with pp who say that calling you a selfish bitch is unacceptable. And what does it matter to him what you're doing with the day? If he's going to be with his family, its no skin off his nose if you go to the zoo, surely?

NerrSnerr · 03/03/2017 21:54

Well you're spending Mother's Day with the most important people- your children. Do something nice with them. He shouldn't have called you a selfish bitch but I think you need to allow him to grieve how he feels fit.

MadMags · 03/03/2017 21:54

I don't understand why he wants you to stay at home all day?

Dead mother or not, he's being a knob by saying that!

DrivingMeBonkers · 03/03/2017 21:55

You were invited but he needs to take his sister because she doesn't drive?

He's processing grief. No talking to someone for a long period, well it affects many things.

I'm just nosey as to why MIL wasn't allowed contact with her GCss and who came to that decision.

Imaginingdragonsagain · 03/03/2017 21:57

Are the PP saying cut him some slack agreeing that you are a selfish bitch for wanting to go out with your dc to the zoo?! Fuck that! Your Mother's Day do what you want. I feel sorry for your dh, it sounds like he is now grieving for what he didn't have but I don't think he gets to tell you what to do!

SquidgeyMidgey · 03/03/2017 21:58

YANBU, regardless of why he is out for the day why should you just sit in the house? Or are you supposed to have his dinner on the table for him when he gets back from his crocodile tears roadtrip?

Patriciathestripper1 · 03/03/2017 22:01

He's a twat and a hypocritical twat at that.
He never saw her when it mattered and wouldn't let her see her grandchildren.
And now you are a selfish bitch for wanting a nice Mother's Day?
Tell him to fuck the fuck off to the far side of fuck and you go out with your dcs and have a great day!

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 03/03/2017 22:03

Your DH is a loon - he hated his mother and now he's abandoning the mother of his children on Mother's Day to visit a grave all for his sister? And for some reason he wants you at home all day? Bizarre and ridiculous.

Go out and have a lovely day with your DC, ignore your stupid H.

Mousedl1 · 03/03/2017 22:04

No Drivingmebonkers he sister does drive and has a car and has on at least 5 occasions driven to the care home and 2 trips to the grave site she just doesn't want to drive this time as it's her Mother's Day too so me and my DC are not invited as he said he can take them in his car so there is no room for us.
The decision for no contact other DC was both mine no DH to start with as she was very mentally unstable she took us to court for access and the judge ruled he was not to have contact at that point because of her behaviour and left it up to me and DH if we wanted to allow it in the future. I did say to him if he wanted her to see them that was fine but I didn't want to be around her and he was definite he did not not her near our whole family unit

OP posts:

HashiAsLarry · 03/03/2017 22:04

What imagining said.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 03/03/2017 22:05

Did he or did he not call you literally a selfish bitch?
If so, he is totally out of order!

Mousedl1 · 03/03/2017 22:07

Yes he said the words 'selfish bitch'

OP posts:

Benedikte2 · 03/03/2017 22:07

OP is it that you have only one car and that is needed to transport your stepson and his family because he doesn't want to drive?
If you do have separate transport spend the day however you wish with your DC.
You are entitled to question what he has planned without him badmouthing you!

ArcheryAnnie · 03/03/2017 22:07

Hang on, if he's going to be out all day doing his thing, what does it matter to him if you are at home or at the zoo?

He sounds unhinged.

gamerchick · 03/03/2017 22:09

Why does he want you all to stay at home? I don't understand that. I can understand him wanting you to look after the kids while he does his thing but why make you stay in?

MadMags · 03/03/2017 22:09

I still don't understand what his problem with the zoo is!

CotswoldStrife · 03/03/2017 22:13

YANBU. He could do this any other weekend. I agree that he is trying to work through stuff, but leaving his own family and the mother of your children to spend time at the grave of someone he didn't speak to and then have a 'family meal' is not appropriate. Unfortunately, it's not going to turn back time or make people nicer than they were.

A trip to the zoo sounds lovely in the circumstances, go for it!

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