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To wonder if it's bad for children to grow up without any adult relationships to model future relationships on?

(14 Posts)
mycatseatgourmet Fri 03-Mar-17 20:53:28

Blimey that was a mouthful!

Hypothetically if someone is a single parent since pregnancy and never dates, moves in with someone of the opposite (or same!) sex - all in all doesn't have any hint of a romantic relationship - is that bad for children?

EllaHen Fri 03-Mar-17 20:57:26

Perhaps not as bad as bad relationships being modelled. I don't know.

My parents modelled a pretty good relationship and are still together after more than 40 years. Dh's Mum dated quite a few men and has married a few times.

Time will tell if any of that makes a difference.

Haggisfish Fri 03-Mar-17 20:59:28

I don't know tbh. I would hope they would have other adults in relationships around them to see as well? I would certainly think it's better than seeing hideously dysfunctional relationships.

mycatseatgourmet Fri 03-Mar-17 21:03:08

Hypothetically, let's suppose they don't?

Zephyroux1 Fri 03-Mar-17 21:03:17

No, I think it's modelling independence & self reliance!

SailAwayWithMeHoney Fri 03-Mar-17 21:03:32

I hope not. I've been on my own since I was pregnant. Me being in another relationship is not something I'm interested in tbh, I know that seeing Mum alone and seeing Mum being totally capable is far better than the alternative (which in my case was DC father being VV abusive).

I try to teach DC that a family comes in all shapes and sizes and he sees that I have some amazing relationships with my siblings, mum, grandparents and friends.
It's more important to me that he grows up seeing what a healthy platonic/familial relationship looks like, and by extension he sees healthy romantic relationships between relatives and my friends.
And I would hope that it'd do my DC good to see that I'm perfectly happy and capable by myself, if that makes sense?

capricorn12 Fri 03-Mar-17 21:16:17

I don't think it's a bad thing at all. Like other posters have said it has to be better than them growing up with you in a bad relationship. A stable, happy environment is the best environment for a child whether that's with one parent, two parents or even grandparents. I do sometimes think it's good for boys to have a good male role model though: it's why we could do with more male primary teachers.

ElizabethG81 Fri 03-Mar-17 21:28:53

I'm a single parent with no desire to be in a relationship and have wondered about this. Personally, I think it's good for my children to see that someone can be genuinely happy single, and that being a couple is not the default, "right" set-up. There are too many people in this world who can't/don't want to function outside of a relationship, and I think it's healthy to see that it can be a genuine choice to stay single. They also see family members, and some of their friend's families, who model happy, functional relationships, and that's important for them to see too.

Ragwort Fri 03-Mar-17 21:35:42

Personally I think it's a good thing to demonstrate that you can live independently and be responsible for your own life - emotionally and financially. In my opinion far too many people assume they can only be 'happy' if they are in a relationship - truly happy people are those who can be happy and fulfilled on their own and not relying on someone else (I stress - this is my opinion).

DrivingMeBonkers Fri 03-Mar-17 21:40:26

I used to work in education, I've now retrained and moved across to the NHS. I'm now seeing the children I dealt with 10 years ago, now young adults in their early 20's, replicating their parent/s behaviour. Broadly my work involves DV and safeguarding.

I have yet to see someone I know to have a healthy functioning homelife/parents in the hospital environment.

I do believe in cycles and those cycles need to be broken. I also spend part of the week in an inner London hospital with a very diverse ethnic mix. Again, it is no surprise, the cases I deal with tend to exhibit the stereotype of the nationality of the perpetrator. It is very difficult to make someone understand what is and is not legal or morally acceptable in this country, even when they have a partner with a traditional British cultural background. (I'm picking my words carefully)

LouKout Fri 03-Mar-17 21:42:23

I never witnessed a relationship growing up.

Been happily married 17 years

Moanyoldcow Fri 03-Mar-17 21:46:06

Not quite on point but I grew up in a household with DM and her partner - 17 years of shitty arguing.

Just made me determined not to have a relationship like that and I don't. DH and I have been together nearly 15 years and are very happy.

Sooner no relationship than a shitty one. Just teach them about having self respect, build up their self esteem and treat them with kindness. They will always expect to be treated like that then by everyone.

OopsDearyMe Fri 03-Mar-17 21:48:09

I think children will see all types of relationship around them, from school, TV etc and they will understand that relationships are neither good or bad, their are healthier ones and its a range not black and white.

I struggled with this before I kicked my husband out, but I grew up with my parents extremely bad marriage and its influence left me confused. I end things for that very reason, I did not want my girls and boy, to think that its a good idea to stay in an unhealthy relationship.

Mysterycat23 Fri 03-Mar-17 22:28:26

DH and I both grew up with lone mums. We may have to refer to our friends and sometimes characters in books / tv / movies but we're doing a pretty good job of figuring out how we want our marriage to work. So in answer to your question OP no, I don't think it's that simple.

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