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To feel so concerned

(12 Posts)
RachelRagged Fri 03-Mar-17 16:02:50


Without going into a long saga , one of my DCs has been "school refusing" for a very long time . He has seen CAMHS and in the past we had social workers but not for a while now as he DID improve for some time with school attendance.

I have now received a letter informing me of a meeting where members of staff will be , my self and my DM, and a Senior Attendance and Welfare Officer . It is saying that the Authority may have to take proceedings before a court of summary jurisdiction, or make an application to the Family Proceedings Court . It is the latter worries me . Does that mean they want to take my DS from my care ?

ShowMePotatoSalad Fri 03-Mar-17 16:04:48

How old is your son? When you say school refusing, do you mean he physically won't go in? Or he absonds from school grounds?

ShowMePotatoSalad Fri 03-Mar-17 16:05:40

*absconds, sorry

Bluntness100 Fri 03-Mar-17 16:07:02

I also think uou need to give more info. What does school refusing mean,,,does he just not go or does he go and then truant,,and how often is he absent.

RachelRagged Fri 03-Mar-17 16:11:23

He is 15 so I am also concerned re his mocks this month .

Yes, he physically will not go into school . When he done this at first he would seemingly go in but spend the day in a park or library (though the library least as they would and did phone school) . After CAMHS they did diagnose a Social Anxiety Disorder and possible RAD.
Its been going on years Bluntness

IamFriedSpam Fri 03-Mar-17 16:13:09

What support have the school offered you during this time? Could you home educate?

RachelRagged Fri 03-Mar-17 16:17:41

He has had a lot of school support to be fair to school . He had a limited timetable for a while , he was put in inclusion (once due to the fact he needed to go as there had been an incident) as he seemed to prefer it there..

He at one time had a support worker who would play board games with us all, planted some tomato seeds with DS , that kind of thing but after a while that ended, which is fair enough, their are plenty of others needing that help. School have even collected DS sometimes to take him in .

I am not intelligent enough to home educate I am afraid and also I am at the moment in the process of seeking a job , though sometimes wonder what employer would hire me seeing as I have meetings and all sorts.

RachelRagged Fri 03-Mar-17 16:38:27

I might asked for this to be removed as a friend of mine told me a relative had to go to a FPC over school attendance and they simply sorted out a compromise , so it don't mean necessarily its to put them in care. Phew

CloudPerson Fri 03-Mar-17 16:39:22

Just a thought on his diagnoses, please forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn, but anxiety plus RAD? Reactive attachment disorder? I've seen this as a misdiagnosis several times and the child is more likely to have PDA (a form of ASD called pathological demand avoidance). Again, sorry if I've said the wrong thing, I have no idea of your background going by the information you've given, but I thought I'd mention it in case it helps. School refusing is very common when PDA is involved!

I have two boys with PDA who have both school refused. Both are now home educated, because both got to the point where we couldn't get them into school as they were so distressed. With ds1 they were making noises about involving the education welfare officer, and had warnings that we were two days off them being able to have us prosecuted for allowing our son to stay at home, which was awful as we were doing the best we could.

Has your son said what the problem is with school? Can he think of anything that would help?
Could school trial a reduced timetable for him?
Do you think he needs to be referred to CAMHS again?
It is possible to home educate when you're not a teacher, as quite often the child/teenager, after a period of de-schooling is likely to become self motivated to learn in a way that suits them, and it can be very much more successful, particularly when school is so difficult to access.

IME schools rarely understand children who school refuse, which just adds the pressure.

I do know a very helpful FB group that might be able to help, if you want the name pm me.

RachelRagged Fri 03-Mar-17 16:41:32

Thank You CloudPerson , I have sent you a PM

RachelRagged Fri 03-Mar-17 16:45:03

Its ever such a long thing but various things occurred that I think led to this.

First off , HQ please don't delete now . . I am interested in CloudPersons posts .

In Year 8 a police investigation was carried out where my boys were witnesses. Right at the end of Summer Holidays. Also in Year 8 a teacher said something I found awful , and I did go in about that . the man resigned ! It was soon after this he started in all honesty. He had some issues with another boy in Year 8 , hence his inclusion experience but other than that when he is in school he is a joy to teach and be around, has a few friends and is able to converse with both dining staff and teachers (not dissing dining staff , trying to convey the contrast).

RachelRagged Fri 03-Mar-17 16:46:52

He seems to enjoy the company of adults rather than his peers , but he has always been that way . Its only now that I note the pattern .
He has been on reduced time tables before now .

I agree, it certainly adds to the pressure on us .

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