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AIBU To think this is a bit of a violation

(54 Posts)
RexMyDarling Fri 03-Mar-17 13:41:10

So I'm in hospital I had major stomach surgery on Tuesday that means I've been opened up through the whole of my abdomen. On one side I hav a stoma and on the other side I had a massive hernia repaired. As a result of this I've been on a catheter since and no knickers just a hospital gown.

So a male doctor/surgeon comes to see me today and gets me to stand up from the chair and lift my gown without allowing me to cover up my lower half. When I attempt to cover myself up he tells me 'no' as he wants to see the site of the hernia as well.

I feel really crap about this that I just stood there in front of him with my bush hanging out and feel really humiliated. Am I being oversensitive? Overreacting? Unreasonable? Should I complaint to PALS?

Quirkyle Fri 03-Mar-17 13:45:35

He was wrong! Im sorry he did this. Your not over sensative at all! I would complain to pals. I'm a nurse and we use pillow cases/towels to cover up our patients. No-one likes to be exposed.

Quirkyle Fri 03-Mar-17 13:46:25


Megatherium Fri 03-Mar-17 13:47:32

Don't feel humiliated. To him it's absolutely routine, and he was just looking at the stoma and hernia repair site, not anything else.

FooFighter99 Fri 03-Mar-17 13:49:00

I think he could and should have afforded you the opportunity to cover yourself up! But they're DRs, they've seen plenty bushes and it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Complaining to PALS will result in an investigation where they might speak to the DR and he will "reflect on his actions" and ensure it "won't happen again".

Did he at least draw the curtain round? Next time, if you're feeling delicate about it, ask for there to be a chaperone present.

I hope you have a speedy recovery! flowers

Blossomdeary Fri 03-Mar-17 13:49:20

They've seen it all before - he needed to have a clear view of the state of the repaired hernia etc. I should think that is the least of your worries at the moment - just concentrate on getting better and forget the modesty - all that goes out of the window in hospital; just go with the flow.

I hope that you will make a speedy recovery and wish you well. flowers

Birdsgottaf1y Fri 03-Mar-17 13:50:03

He's broken the guidelines. Was there another Nurse in the room? Were you offered one?

Birdsgottaf1y Fri 03-Mar-17 13:51:26

""Next time, if you're feeling delicate about it, ask for there to be a chaperone present. ""

You should be offered one, people in hospital are often vulnerable.

itsmine Fri 03-Mar-17 14:02:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsmine Fri 03-Mar-17 14:06:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 03-Mar-17 14:07:54

He was careless, and should have asked you if you wanted a chaperone. Hes seen so many fanjo, its just like looking at an arm or a leg, he was interested in your surgery, and seeing how you were healing.

Mrsdraper1 Fri 03-Mar-17 14:12:53

YANBU He went about it in the wrong way, but did he need to see what happened with the hernia site when you are upright? I would imagine standing puts more pressure on the area ie it's fine when laid flat but if not repaired properly the pressure of standing would show that up.
I can understand why you feel the way you do, and he should have told you what he wanted to see and why but I do think he genuinely needed to check things over with you upright.
He probably didn't think, doesn't make it any better I know.

RexMyDarling Fri 03-Mar-17 14:15:44

There was a nurse and a female doctor as chaperone - it wasn't the lack of chaperone that upset me - just the I'm the one with no underwear on. And it's v hard to wear knickers with a catheter that's attached to the bed!

witsender Fri 03-Mar-17 14:19:00

Yanbu at all. Very disrespectful.

AshesandDust Fri 03-Mar-17 14:23:00

Isn't that all you need when you're feeling ill after major surgery, sorry
it happened to you, OP. flowers
Who cares if he's seen a million genitalia before, it's about the patients's comfort not how used to seeing vaginas he is. Yes, report what happened to PALS the days of patient humiliation should be over.

nachogazpacho Fri 03-Mar-17 14:25:33

I would speak to PALS and see what they say. It's possible that it was necessary you were stood up for example but this hasn't been explained to you. And they need to hear how this lack of information and discussion about not being covered up has upset you. It's something they need to hear I think.

LouKout Fri 03-Mar-17 14:26:33

Yes that was not acceptable.

He may have seen a million bushes but you havent shown yours to a million doctors.

Sweets101 Fri 03-Mar-17 14:29:09

Yanbu, may be he thought nothing of it, but the point is he should have! I'd complain, might remind them all to be a bit more thoughtful in future and remember to treat their patients like actual people.

Emmageddon Fri 03-Mar-17 14:50:49

You poor thing! He obviously thought nothing of it, but the people with him should have insisted that you were given the opportunity to cover up. It's bad enough being in hospital, without having to feel embarrassed and humiliated.

You should be able to wear knickers with a catheter, ask one of the nurses to show you how to thread the tubing through.

Get well soon, I hope you have a swift recovery from your surgery. flowers

A1Sharon Fri 03-Mar-17 15:07:28

I'm a nurse and can understand that he perhaps wanted to see the post op results of the hernia whilst you were standing-although usually they get you to lie on the bed.
But there is no reason at all not to wear pants, and you should have your modesty preserved at all times.
I wouldn't be happy with this, is there a nurse you feel you could talk to? Or complain. It isn't right.

ClaireH26 Fri 03-Mar-17 15:09:04

Maternity healthcare professional here- you are not being at all unreasonable, professionals need to remember that they are to respect the dignity and autonomy of patients/clients at all times and must not do anything without asking for consent first. Just because we've seen it all before, you are touching or exposing somebody in their most intimate areas and get extensive training on how to behave with care and consideration. This behavior (not asking for consent, not allowing you to cover yourself when you tried) is unacceptable and you should definitely complain if you want to, you might be one of many complaints. I hope you are feeling better.

shinynewusername Fri 03-Mar-17 15:12:49

However the fact that he's seen 'plenty of bushes' is completely irrelevant. When you are a patient you feel vulnerable, dignity is important

As a doctor, I totally agree with that. Unfortunately surgical training used to put a lot of emphasis on 'exposing' the patient, to ensure you can see the whole area affected by surgery. When I was at med school in the 90s, we were taught that, to examine the abdomen, you had to uncover the patient from nipples to knees, or you weren't doing it properly. Most doctors quickly realise that this makes patients really uncomfortable and it is far better to uncover a bit at a time - but some carry on doing it by the book. In your case, the surgeon did need to see the hernia site with you standing, but he could have given you a towel or something to hold in front of the rest of your groin area.

A constructive letter to PALS, explaining how you felt, is perfectly fair. It may prompt him to think twice about how he examines patients in the future.

NewPuppyMum Fri 03-Mar-17 15:15:31

It's always trotted out that HCP have seen genitals thousands of times so aren't bothered, interested etc. Missing the point massively. They haven't seen your genitals thousands of times, it isn't your job to be undressed and it is how the patient feels that is important here.

lljkk Fri 03-Mar-17 15:32:29

OP's story makes me want to suffer & live with illness rather than get it treated. I guess it's something to remember, only go to doctor or hospital when you'd definitely sacrifice dignity in order to get better.

Astoria7974 Fri 03-Mar-17 15:42:56

Yabu and drip feeding too. He is a doctor and he had a chaperone. Trust me, he wasn't getting his jollies by perving on your bits. He was treating you. You need to get some perspective asap.

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