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Im not being unreasonable just need a bloody moan about my ex

(24 Posts)
Chillyegg Fri 03-Mar-17 12:16:00

My ex was emotionally and physically abusive. Everyday he was violent or abusive in some way controlled my life and crushed me into a shadow of a human. I managed to escape last year with dd, was homeless slept on a camp bed in my mums spare room for month. Got my self a job, got my self a house in my mums village. Got my self a car and my dd a pram after he stole both of them in the middle of the night. Have slowly got my self clothes and toys for dd because i left with 3 carrier bags of stuff. We're fighting about custody in court atm. But today it hit me how much i fucking hate him.
He wont return the rest of my stuff i have no one to collect it and cant go my self because theres a harrasment order in place. He will not cooperate at all and wont listen or adhere to solicitors letters.
The new thing ive founf outvis that hes falsified his acounts with his business claiming i earnt 38k last year. I didnt. Its a tax fiddle. So ive had to write lwtters and send proof with bank statements to hmrc its massively effected my tax credits.
He makes me sick but i feel like he always manages to spite me or win in some way.
Thankyou for listening for reading my ramble

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Fri 03-Mar-17 12:18:37

Take some comfort in that judges don't take kindly for attacks on the other parent. . He isn't painting a good picture of a parent who wants the best for his dc by making your life difficult. Keep records of everything he says /texts /phone calls etc. He is digging a big hole for himself. .

Chillyegg Fri 03-Mar-17 12:23:08

Thanks in the big scheme of things stuff doesnt matter. I just really want my dead fathers things...

babyunicornvomit Fri 03-Mar-17 12:24:53

Never been in this sort of situation but it sounds awful. Good look and it sounds like you're doing an amazing job with your DD. Good luck flowers

DJBaggySmalls Fri 03-Mar-17 12:25:35

Its theft, he is a thief; cant the police help? Have you contacted Womens Aid?

Give the Inland Revenue a phone call, tell them what you said here and they might audit him grin

Chillyegg Fri 03-Mar-17 12:28:57

Ive written letters to hmrc didnt know i could contact womens aid as im.not in immediate danger? And the in land revinue is a good shout. The csa is monitering him cus they think hes fiddling to pay less, hes a millinaire but can only pay q4 quid a week...when he remembers..hmm

Chillyegg Fri 03-Mar-17 12:31:18

Just to add to the shit pot. He cheated on me with a woman who took the implant out, because she thought it would work like that grin she thibk and rough as mud. Anyway way she got pregnant and my dd has a db out in the world

blackteasplease Fri 03-Mar-17 12:35:25

I agree with the above re taking a note of everything, keeping an abuse diary or whatever you would like to call it.

Courts aren't stupid these days thank goodness.

blackteasplease Fri 03-Mar-17 12:36:31

Inland revenue re tax dodge and the police re theft sound good.

Chillyegg Fri 03-Mar-17 12:43:45

What do I say to the police? I feel worried it might make things worse! Hes ignored all solicitor letters to get my stuff shipped or to drop it in my mums garden . I cant go by my self as he lives with family and putting my self at massive risk of being hurt or kidnapped....think honour crime kind of stuff. I haven't got anyone who can go...its too dangerous/ my mum needs to watch dd if i go. So she couldnt go its been almost 8 months and hes keeping hold of my stuff and its killing me i cannt have the 3 things in the world me and my db own of our fathers

hellsbellsmelons Fri 03-Mar-17 12:57:05

I agree - call 101 and tell them what you have said about your things.
They may be able to accompany you there to collect it.

Definitely call Womens Aid.
They are there to help you understand and overcome the abuse you have been subjected to.
You will need support to help you through all of this so give them a call and see what they can do. 0808 2000 247

followTheyellowbrickRoad Fri 03-Mar-17 13:00:45

Contact the police and woman's aid and they should be able to arrange for someone to go with you to collect your stuff.

Chillyegg Fri 03-Mar-17 13:11:51

Im.scared to call them. I domt want to waste anyone's time..

Justanothernameonthepage Fri 03-Mar-17 13:15:20

Please contact them. The other option taken by a friend was to put a request on her local biker group to ask if anyone would spare the time to escort her there to pick up her DS's toys. She ended up with 24 biker escort. Her ex didn't even try to argue.

Chillyegg Fri 03-Mar-17 13:17:18

grin i mean id love to do that. But theres a harrasment order against him so he cany come near me so i cant go there.

Whatsername17 Fri 03-Mar-17 13:17:25

Totally understand your anger but are you not also ridiculously proud of yourself? You got out, and you are building a life for you and your daughter. All the shit he is currently throwing at you is just an attempt to try and derail what you have achieved. He won't succeed. He's likely to be arrested for fraud instead by the sounds of it. Keep your head up. Stay focused and be open and honest with the courts. Lying about paying you all of that money to the detriment of your child will hurt his custody case. Try not to get angry - you are winning the war. His crap is a last ditch attempt to stop you. Enjoy watching him fail.

Chillyegg Fri 03-Mar-17 13:25:01

Thanks for the solidarity i am proud on day like today im wobbling. Im tryong to get legal aid last time i represented my self. Cant go through that again

Astro55 Fri 03-Mar-17 13:29:32

You ask for a police escort - he can stay away while you collect - they give you a time - ring them - intimately they are 'preventing' further issues over theft allegations etc

RaisinsAndApple Fri 03-Mar-17 13:31:11

Definitely try the police re your stuff. Did you go to them about any of the violence? If you did then it's worth trying the officer who dealt with that.
Well done - you are amazing and rant away as much as you need to smile

Wallywobbles Fri 03-Mar-17 13:37:20

Eventually (think a decade) he won't have power any more. In the meantime he will find others to torment and just periodically make your life scary.

Every time he does something you need an official trial. This paper trail is what will hang him. Print and keep every email. Record calls. Record it all. Write down all the assets etc you know of. Be proactive with HMRC etc. Get them on side in your battle. They are your best chance of seeing the back of him.

Find a lawyer. See several if possible and explain your financial situation. Mine (4th) has seen me through a decade of shit. She knows my weak points but more importantly she knows his and presses his buttons in front of the judge. She is awesome. She is also cheap and lets me pay in installments.

Good is not necessarily expensive. Also every lawyer you see is one he can never use. In your situation I would concentrate on creating your "dossier of the shit and his shit". Then I would copy it and send/take it and a clear explanation of your financial situation to various lawyers and see what happens.

In the meantime see the police for some advice, women's aid and every other resource you can muster. You are in this for the long haul.

Chillyegg Fri 03-Mar-17 13:38:00

No never reported the violence. I reported the harrasment after i left and my car being stolen. He makes me sick. I have a prohibited steps order against him also. So he cant ever take dd abroad incase he doesnt return her. I just found one of yhe emails he sent me at that time i think thats why im ahving a massive wobbly.

Chillyegg Fri 03-Mar-17 13:40:33

Good idea about different lawyers who will let me pay on installments. Mines great and has given me alit of free help but thete was a problem with lwgal aid last time and i juat couldnt afford the 400 quid thete andcthen. Tried ringing womens aid lines were busy.

IamFriedSpam Fri 03-Mar-17 13:51:21

AT least he's setting up a paper trail of exactly the kind abuse you've accused him of. I second other people in asking for police assistance to reclaim your and DD stuff. You sound amazingly strong congratulations flowers.

Wallywobbles Fri 03-Mar-17 13:56:03

Print all those mails out. Do it in one go do it's only one wobbly. Try to imagine each one as a brick in the wall. This is the best way to protect yourself and D.C. I went to see all the local police to make sure if my kids or me called our number was flagged up and they would bloody come.

Write it all down. Do a time line so you can add stuff as you remember it. Copy it and keep a copy safe. I have an app on my phone called Evernote and another called scannable. I scan everything using my phone and keep it in Evernote. I copy all the emails to it. All the voice recordings. All the kids psych reports. All their school reports. All bank statements. ID cards. Everything.

You are building proof not only that he's shit but that you are good. Imagine everything the he and lawyers might use against you. Prove it's not true. My ex tried to have our kids put in care.

In the end the kids aged 8&9 went to court themselves to stop his access. I couldn't do it instead of them because I had no proof of what he did when he had them. And no one would be a witness against him. But I had a shed load of witnesses who did written statements FOR me.

I still haven't finished but hopefully next time will be the last. My DCs are now 11&12.

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