MIL and weaning

[YouJumpIJumpJack]

My Mil came round today while DP was working and we generally get on really well. DS has recently started weaning so I saved is lunch for her visit so she could feed him.

All he had was avocado that I'd pureed and he's had that several times so I'm not worried about his ability to eat it. But mil was on edge and when he did a little cough she got really weird. I explained that she shouldn't start fussing over him as he was working it out for himself and wasn't choking.

Anyway all the fussing made me feel nervous (despite nothing actually happening) and I felt a little annoyed but didn't think any more of it. BUT DP has just got off the phone with her and she was moaning about it saying "not on my watch" i.e. She won't let him choke in her presence.

I told DP that his mum was over reacting and it was just a bloody cough and its ended up with us arguing.

I just feel like I can't feed him around her. She was like this with her GD too and still is even though she's 2 and perfectly able to eat food!

WIBU to tell her to piss off back off when it comes to how I wean him or just not feed him around her?

[YouJumpIJumpJack]

I should add that with her GD she really stuck her nose in and I think it negatively affected weaning as she was still on 'baby food' until recently

[NapQueen]

God she would have had a heart attack if she fed mine - finger foods straight from the off. Odd bit of gagging but as you say, thats how they work it out themselves.

Id go for the whole "sorry you found it traumatic, ill make sure he is fed before you come round next time so you can just enjoy your time with him" angle.

[Oysterbabe]

What does she expect you to do? You're already giving puree. She'd have had a fit if she'd seen DD gnawing on the food I gave her from the off.

[YouJumpIJumpJack]

Oh no, he already eats banana whole and over finger foods but I would definitely not do that in front of her! She'd take it away from him

[rumblingDMexploitingbstds]

The problem is her anxiety about her beloved GC choking. Maybe she saw or read something that bothered her, so this is really hitting her buttons, or she's panicked about not being able to cope if it happens: that every choke is life or death. Maybe try saying straight out, I see the thought of GC choking makes you really worried and see if she can unpick it a bit with you? Would she be interested in a child first aid course to learn about handling choking? Or to be around when your HV visits, if you've got a good one and you can ask a few questions about hmm, what do we do about choking? Or some information to look at regarding BLW and where the line is with let them figure it out and step in and help?

Not feeding with her around solves the immediate issue but working on 'I see you've got this huge worry, can I help you address it?' might ease things long term if she's able to.

[YouJumpIJumpJack]

Thanks rumbling that's a good idea. I did find a great site about weaning and choking so I think I'll show her that and a video.

I just hate the idea of having to spoon feed him when he's one and I know that if mil gets her way that's what'll happen.

[MammaTJ]

Is there any way you could sign you both up for a baby and child first aid course? Myself and DD both did one when she was pregnant with my DGD and it really calmed her. I was already calm! It might work with your MIL!

I thought this was going to be a thread about her commenting on BLW, which I struggle with. It doesn't look like DGD eats anything like enough at 1 year old by feeding herself. Still, she is gaining weight and a little chubster as a baby should be, so I button it!! (ish)

[rumblingDMexploitingbstds]

Was she this anxious over Dh as a baby/toddler? Does she remember? Or is this something that's happened to her only with her GC?

[YouJumpIJumpJack]

I think she's always been this anxious about it (as well as babies falling off things).

Thing is, I'm a very relaxed mum, I go by what my instincts and my baby 'tells' me but she's making me doubt myself.

I do actually have paediatric first aid training and she knows this but that could be an idea to go together.

[MoonriseKingdom]

Many of your MILs generation will have started weaning much earlier than is advised now. Maybe she has memories of weaning a 3 month old (or younger!) when they are much more likely to choke. My MIL would produce all sorts of puréed veg/ fruit for my DD when she was eating normal food at home. I like my MIL and it was only once a week so I just let it pass. As irritating as you find it she is motivated by good intentions.

[Yura]

Did she maybe have a near-miss choking accident with one of her children? My MIL had, and it made her (understandably) hyper-cautious.

[user1488540182]

Question Am I being Paranoid or AIBU!!???
I had a birthday party for my twin boys who just turned 5. We invited most of the class, my boys are really popular and I didn't want to leave anyone out. It was my first time organising a party for my boys on this scale. I am lucky to have a big enough home so I decided to hold it there.
I was totally swept off my feet as I had did all the food and entertainment myself with help from my best friend. I had a pinata which I stuffed full of sweets which the kids seemed to really enjoy. I thought I had did well as I put in such an effort and spent loads, but what got me was I saw a couple of the parents giving bad looks to each other at the party. I didn't approach them there as I didn't think anything of it at first. But I have noticed last week I am being "cold shouldered" by a two of the parents. I really can't work out why and it's peeing me right off to be honest as I put in my all for all the children to enjoy themselves. I don't know if it's because of the sweets why they were giving the death stare. I don't know if I'm being paranoid, have any of you had the same experience?

[KatharinaRosalie]

What exactly does she mean by 'she won't let him choke?' She won't give him any food? Pureed avocado is the sofest thing there is.

I'm worried that she will start intervening, thimping him on the back or similar whenever your DS coughs a little, and as I'm sure you know from your first aid training, this can be actually dangerous.

[Aridane]

USER - you will be better off starting a new thread rather than adding to this one

[TynesideBlonde]

It's not her watch! It's your watch - that's what I'd tell her.

[Booboostwo]

I think her problem is the 'not on my watch business'. It is not her watch, it is not her choice and she should stop interfering. If you were to ask her to babysit she could have an input as she would be temporarily responsible, but with you there she should just let you get on with it. Her reactions are very rude, as if she is saying you don't know what you are doing.

[BillyNotQuiteNoMates]

Out of interest, how old is your baby?

[SapphireStrange]

I would definitely not do that in front of her! She'd take it away from him

If she did that you'd be well within your rights to ask her to leave your house.

She doesn't get to dictate how you feed your baby. Your DH needs to tell her to keep her nose out or not expect to be invited round again.

[Trifleorbust]

It's not her watch! It's your watch - that's what I'd tell her

This.

Also tell her she isn't the watcher in the wall/sword that guards the realms of men

[Trifleorbust]

*on

[fatmummy87]

Yanbu although I have no advice.
My 7mo was munching on a slice of melon and bit a bit off, was moving it around his mouth (not even gagging) and mil stuck her finger in his mouth to fish it out saying 'oh he's going to choke'. He was perfectly fine til she stuck her finger in his mouth then he started gagging.

[mistermagpie]

Unless she is a very young grandparent I'd say it's generational. My MIL was much the same and couldn't get her head around BLW at all. It's just not how they did things when she brought her kids up and she just kept saying 'but how can he heat that when he's go no teeth?', 'you can't give him that, what if he chokes' etc etc etc. To be honest I just ignored her and fed him myself. On the rare occasions that she fed him i let her give him mush because she was more comfortable with that and I wasn't fanatical about BLW. The most common meal she gave was breakfast so weetabix was something she felt comfortable with and i was happy as it's a normal food.

Just feed the baby yourself and let he see what they can cope with. My MIL got much better when DS got teeth as I think she could get her head around him being able to eat proper food.

[SnotGoblin]

People mistake the gag reflex for choking. You really want to hear the noisy spluttering of their gag refkex as, like you say, that's how they learn not to choke. Choking is usually fairly silent because they can't draw breath to make noise.

YANBU but you will get this a lot. I'm one of those obnoxious people who didn't purée a single thing so I've had my share of concerned older ladies. Thankfully no MIL or I'd be at war .

[CeeceeBloomingdale]

Just avoid her company around meal times, it is probably generational. If you knew how she is with GD why ask her to feed him though, it sounds like you were setting yourself up for disaster there.

[emmyhNL]

We've had the same. We were strict with her and told her to back off as her anxiety was making us all paranoid.

She's marginally better now but it's taken 6 months of weekly food observations at dinner for her to be so