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Aibu to say DS will be punished for this?

(44 Posts)
TitsalinaBumSquash Thu 02-Mar-17 12:09:55

DS1 had a chronic health condition, this sees him spend a lot of time in hospital and take 30+ medications a day, as a result his school are very hyper vigilant when looking after him and will phone me for everything he might do that was out of the ordinary and I'm glad they do, I'm incredibly grateful that they take such good care of him.

However DS has very quickly learnt that if he doesn't want to be at school a quick teary eyed word to his teacher and they'll come and phone me to collect him and so far every single time I have.

Now today DS2 isn't at school, he has a long running health issue and I was seeking extra advice today for him, he also has unconnected MH issues and part of that stems from me being away so much with DS1's health, DS1 knows this and was part of a conversation yesterday where DS2 said that even though it's a horrible reason to be off, he was looking forward to some time with me alone.
I also don't have access to transport today and that was made very clear to DS1.

He woke up and immediately started 'feeling unwell' I know DS well enough to know he just wanted a day off because his brother was having one so I told him that he was going to school and that I wouldn't be collecting early as I had no means to. He peeked right up, strolled out the door for the train with a cup of tea in hand.

Then a few hours later I get the call, can I come and get him because the poor darling has struggled though 1 lesson but doesn't feel he can go on, hmm

I told them that no, I couldn't, I have no transport at all.
Then I get another call to say he was refusing to eat because he felt so awful and did they have permission for a teacher to drive him home. I said yes.

I'll just reiterate I'm not annoyed with the school at al in this case.

However I have said to DS1 on his return that he was to go and get into bed and I'd have all mobiles/games consoles etc from him he was far to sick to play them, he then demanded lunch to which I replied that surely he must still have the lunch he took with his that he was far too unwell to eat?

He's now moaning and whinging that I'm being unfair.

So AIBU to make him stay in bed all day with no entertainment and pack him off to school tomorrow?

RhubarbGin Thu 02-Mar-17 12:11:37

I would but then I'm brutal when it comes to my kids taking the piss!

Astoria7974 Thu 02-Mar-17 12:12:34

YANBU at all. Lying should never be rewarded

Rixera Thu 02-Mar-17 12:12:42

Not remotely unfair, having a chronic health condition doesn't make him immune to bad behaviour or the consequences of it! Good parenting in action.

Hamiltoes Thu 02-Mar-17 12:14:19

Quite right. Sick days for me were always spent in bed, no entertainment but I could read a book if i wanted and always soup or egg on toast to eat.

Needless to say I didn't take many unnecessary sick days!

chitofftheshovel Thu 02-Mar-17 12:15:38

He's taking the piss. Massively! If he's "too I'll" for school he's too ill for devices, you're doing the right thing. Make it as boring as humanly possible for him. You're doing the right thing - stay strong!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Thu 02-Mar-17 12:16:00

Very reasonable I'd say.

Time off sick isn't supposed to be a lovely time lounging about doing exactly what you want. It's supposed to be resting your body and getting well.

Youcantstandme Thu 02-Mar-17 12:18:24

You are completely right and treating him fairly, stick to your guns as he'll understand moaning and whinging won't change things. He's off sick so he feels better which you're helping to make sure.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 02-Mar-17 12:20:52

Stick to your guns. Let him have a 15 min break in the afternoon 😂 Then send him to lie back down.

No phone/tv/pc - he's too ill -

Gottagetmoving Thu 02-Mar-17 13:14:22

My mum used to say if we were hungry and wanted to eat we couldn't be that ill. It was a waste of time pretending to be ill with her. We had to stay in bed too sad

For pretending/lying - you should do what you suggest.

Blissx Thu 02-Mar-17 13:18:14

YANBU at all - you sound perfectly sensible in your approach to this.

And can I just say, how lovely of the school to drive your DS1 home!

ImperialBlether Thu 02-Mar-17 13:19:50

I think you should have warned the school that he'd be trying it on and told them that there was nothing wrong with him and that you wouldn't pick him up and nobody should waste their time bringing him home, either.

BarbarianMum Thu 02-Mar-17 13:22:43

Poor love is ill. Best thing for him is to lie in bed, in a darkened room. Clear fluids only if he's been feeling sick (at least til tea time). Then a very early night, so as to be well for school tomorrow. And make sure they send the work he's missed home so he can do it this weekend. wink

PurpleDaisies Thu 02-Mar-17 13:26:31

You're right to take a hard line on this.

Having a chronic illness doesn't excuse the lying.

BumWad Thu 02-Mar-17 13:29:07


Soubriquet Thu 02-Mar-17 13:29:56

Good for you

He won't be so eager to fake it next time will he

Msqueen33 Thu 02-Mar-17 13:31:06

No I think what you're doing is great parenting. My dd has autism and tries to pull the odd fast one. They need to learn not to cry wolf.

weebarra Thu 02-Mar-17 13:32:46

You're quite right. DS1 did similar after DS2 had the previous week off with norovirus. Once I got him home, he discovered I had set up a classroom in the dining room and made him work until he would have finished at school. He hasn't tried it again (yet!).

TheCraicDealer Thu 02-Mar-17 13:34:29

You’re 100% right to do this. It must be hard on the kid, but he can’t grow up thinking that he can use his illness as a handy ‘get out of jail’ card when there’s something he doesn’t want to do, or just can’t be arsed going into school/uni/work. People will just lose patience with him taking the piss, not everyone will be as understanding as his school. It’s also unfair on his DB getting on like that when he knew you were spending the day together. Good on you.

talktostrangers Thu 02-Mar-17 13:44:01

I have done exactly the same with mine- primary school aged child with a health condition that at times genuinely needs a specific medication school cant administer due to the nature of it and to be at home in bed. When they are ill, they are ill.

Suffice to say they will never be faking it again.

Tomorrowillbeachicken Thu 02-Mar-17 13:47:37


dataandspot Thu 02-Mar-17 13:49:27

I think you should talk to school about your son putting it on. It's definitely going to damage his education if the situation continues.

Sharkeybabe15 Thu 02-Mar-17 13:54:12

Yanbu at all. My dd done this yesterday she was made to stay in bed all day no treats or gadgets. Safe to say she is at school today and was very happy ti go lol

WankingMonkey Thu 02-Mar-17 13:54:58

I would do this. I/We have done similar before with DSC. No consoles, no nothing, in bed all day, toast if hungry. A day of living like this does no harm and does teach them.

MiddleClassProblem Thu 02-Mar-17 13:55:17

Nope. Good for you for putting your foot down.

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