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to be avoiding ill people?

(24 Posts)
Areasonablegal Thu 02-Mar-17 08:15:05

Everyone around me (and their child/children) seem to be ill at the moment.

Im due to have a baby in 2 weeks and so have been doing my best to stay well and keep my lo well (20 months) following several months of constant illness for us both as a result of a relative coming to see us with a chest infection and heavy cold! (Mil, who lied when asked if ill because she was bored and wanted entertaining)

I am sahm so if my lo is ill the buck stops with me...and frankly speaking im too tired now, being so heavily pregnant, to deal with an ill child and being ill myself on top of being constantly uncomfortable and sleep deprived.

Is it reasonable to expect people to keep away from us if they or their child/children are ill? At the moment it seems like they just dont give a shit and are quite happy to come over or bring themselves and child/children to playgroups we attend and pass their germs around....its really pissing me off! So far the illness' being passed about are d&v, slapped cheek, chicken pox and scarlett fever on top of coughs, colds etc. As you can see, some of these are nasty and can can cause real issue in pregnancy (esp chicken pox!)

Aibu to think this is selfish and totally inconsiderate behaviour? My view is that if your child is ill, especially with something contageous, you keep them home and away from others, especially vulnerable people!

StrawberryShortcake32 Thu 02-Mar-17 08:25:46

With playgroups it's gonna be hard to avoid. You can't expect people not to go. Kids that age are always passing illnesses around its hard to avoid. Could anyone else do those for you?

Expecting people not to visit your home while I'll I'd have thought was a given. In this instance I'd be telling people to take their illness home and come back when they are better. Pretty selfish of MIL to bring a chest infection into your home just because she wants to be entertained.

I hope it doesn't go on much longer for you. Being heavily pregnant sucks. My DS decided to be 12 days late. Lazy sod!

ifcatscouldtalk Thu 02-Mar-17 08:35:33

I do understand your annoyance. I have to admit we keep going to work/school through little sniffles or attendance would be horrendous. Even so, I wouldn't turn up at my elderly grans full of a full blown head cold or visit someone with a new baby etc. I have also had it where a friend was a bit bored as she had been stuck at home for a few days and told me her little boy seemed much better. Whilst at mine he looked so poorly and messed himself a couple of times. So not fair on him or me who was later ill too. I think sometimes people don't use their common sense. Although once they are at school it is difficult, actually impossible to not come into contact with any germs. I think I get the nark if people are visibly not well at all as I know within 2 days of seeing them that'll be me.

HughLauriesStubble Thu 02-Mar-17 08:38:44

Op I feel your pain. Due in 2 weeks and have avoided playgroups etc for the last month or so, but the dcs picked something up at a friends and now I've spent the last week with 2 dcs on antibiotics and smothered myself too. Thankfully coming through the worst now but it's been miserable and something I really could have done without hmm

Having said that, I know these things happen regardless. I wouldn't pay a second thought to sick kids at playgroup, as there will ALWAYS be something going round. But yanbu to expect people to at least let you know in advance if they are sick before visiting so that you can choose what to do yourself.

BillSykesDog Thu 02-Mar-17 08:41:55

I think in these circumstances if you want to avoid germs the onus is on you to stay home.

Littlelegs19 Thu 02-Mar-17 08:41:58

I totally get where your coming from! I have a family member who's children currently have a very contagious virus and can't understand why we won't go to see them. I also won't see my DSis as she goes over there a lot. I don't need my 14w old son getting sick. They aren't the one that's going to get poorly and not understand what's wrong with them, nor are they the person who has to get up all through the night because your little one is poorly.

Especially you being pregnant, you need to be even more cautious. YNBU, people need to understand!

welshmist Thu 02-Mar-17 08:47:09

Stick to your guns and ban the lurgies. I avoid folk when I am ill wish they would do the same

Areasonablegal Thu 02-Mar-17 09:02:36

Thanks all. Its my baby shower tomorrow eve (no children coming) and at least 1 person coming is ill as is their child. Ive asked whats wrong (being subtle) but they wont say. Another one has a child who came down with d&v last night but she is still coming tomorrow eve too. Others attending have an attitude of 'well, if i feel ok or not i'll turn up anyway'. The meal has been paid in advance so regardless of ill or not these people will turn up and because its my baby shower they will be all cuddles and kisses when all i want to say is dont come!

I dont know what to do?

Areasonablegal Thu 02-Mar-17 09:04:44

Im not ben ungrateful. I appreciate people making effort for me but what i do t want is people making me ill! Its more thoughtful of them not to come if ill!

Areasonablegal Thu 02-Mar-17 09:11:08

Sorry, at least 2 are definitely ill with a third most likely to be.

Rufus200 Thu 02-Mar-17 09:22:44

I am a germ phobe! I don't believe it is good for children to constantly be ill. I don't believe it makes their immune system stronger. I get so angry when sick people spread their germs around. If you are sick then you stay home, end of! My mum infected DS, DH and myself with flu. It was the worst week we have had with DS. We had to take shifts of getting 2hrs sleep at a time as he would cough, choke and puke in his sleep. All I wanted to do was lie in bed but instead I had to look after a sick baby. We had to cancel his 1st Birthday because he was too ill.

I would send a group text to your baby shower group saying something like

I'm really excited to see you all tomorrow but I'm going to have to ask that anyone who is sick or has a family member who is please don't come. I can't get sick when it is so close to the baby being due. I know this is disappointing for you but it would put the baby at risk. Thank you for being understanding, love you all.

Rufus200 Thu 02-Mar-17 09:24:22

Take antibacterial gel with you to the restaurant

TheFullMrExit Thu 02-Mar-17 09:58:21

op I wouldn't have baby shower say your ill.
loads of nasty stuff going round at this time! Just horrid facing labour with an additional illness. I agree with Rufus you need to put something polite out there, or even lie - say - doctor said I shouldn't be going out really but I dont want to let anyone down can anyone ill please refrain from coming.

flowers rufus - its so shit isn't it - just done same myself - up for days with sick LO, then sick myself. I cant help think it came from the GP who like to get into LO face all the time....

CigarsofthePharoahs Thu 02-Mar-17 10:09:01

A friend of mine went down with a very nasty cold the day before she went into labour. She said it was awful, struggling to breathe properly, coughing like mad between contractions.
Some bugs can't be helped, but if you know you're infectious with something like a D&V bug or something with a temperature or worse, why inflict it on someone else?
A work colleague came in with a very nasty cold virus once, had also been diagnosed with a secondary chest infection.
I caught it from her. She should have been at home in bed, but no.
I ended up flattened by it, struggling to breathe, coughing up too etc etc.
Every single cold I caught in the following six months went straight to my chest and I ended up needed even more time off. Yes I got in trouble and I did explain exactly why I'd been so ill.

You could turn up to the baby shower with a surgical mask and latex gloves. 😷 😁

clairethewitch70 Thu 02-Mar-17 11:20:39

I am a germophobe too. Is the meal prepaid for? That is most likely the reason why the ill people will turn up, don't want to waste the money.

I always try to avoid prepaid meal situations and prefer pay as you go. The ill are less likely to turn up then.

Areasonablegal Thu 02-Mar-17 11:29:59

Yes, its all prepaid (to avoid people getting calculators out at the end and spoiling the mood!).

I'm feeling awkward about sending a message out - because im basically being made to feel like im being over the top over illness by friends and family and because those who have kids have them in nursery (so they dont have to look after them when they are ill!). I am the only sahm in the group and the only pregnant one. Im being made to feel like im overreacting and that i should chill out and not be bothered about being around ill people.

But, the responses so far suggest its not me being unreasonable at all!

Its also awkward because its all paid for upfront so if i tell people not to come if ill it just makes things a bit uncomfortable, obviously i'd pay them their money back.

HughLauriesStubble Thu 02-Mar-17 11:30:43

Op going by what I've been through in the last week, I would either brave it out and tell people not to come if they are ill, or else chicken out and cancel, saying you are ill yourself. Apart from not getting any sleep for the best part of 5 days, I was terrified of going into labour while sick and bringing a newborn home to a sicky house. Now that we are recovering, I am faced with having to clean and disinfect the whole house plus all the toys because as you know, toddler snot and germs get everywhere.

Avoid avoid avoid!

IamFriedSpam Thu 02-Mar-17 11:32:43

Coughs and colds I think you can carry on going out and about if you feel up to it (I've always warned people who are pregnant or with newborns though and made it clear I'm happy to stay away). Chicken pox, D&V, slapped cheek and scarlet fever NO you stay at home if humanly possible - certainly don't go to toddler groups to spread it about.

IamFriedSpam Thu 02-Mar-17 11:34:33

In answer to your question YANBU to not want buggy people around if you're heavily pregnant, I don't think you could complain about running in to them at toddlers groups (assuming just coughs and colds) but not wanting them to descend on your home is fine.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork Thu 02-Mar-17 11:35:50

You've posted similar several times before...I think you are suffering from health anxiety.
I don't think its possible that everyone you know is toting around children with scarlet fever and chicken pox and d&v and colds and chest infections seems clear you are exaggerating.

Areasonablegal Thu 02-Mar-17 11:52:26

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Areasonablegal Thu 02-Mar-17 11:54:07

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DJBaggySmalls Thu 02-Mar-17 11:54:29

YANBU, ban sick people from your home. Its really irresponsible of them to visit when they know its just you.

barinatxe Thu 02-Mar-17 12:00:41

YANBU. People should have the sense to do their best to avoid infecting others. On the bus the other day there were three people repeatedly coughing or sneezing, none of them covered their mouths. It's disgusting, it is incredibly rude and selfish.

I think a lot of people think "I'm ill so what do I care if I make someone else ill too" which is selfish, nasty and vindictive. Most of them won't openly admit this but they demonstrate this view by their behaviour.


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