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To end friendship with friend who lies about her job

(69 Posts)
user1488318718 Wed 01-Mar-17 22:02:37

She's always told me she's got a specific professional job. One that requires a degree and further study.

Some people are aware she doesn't have any qualifications beyond GCSE (family members) and some people have guessed because they have known her most of her life and know she wasn't at university when she claims to have been (not an open university course and the qualification would require several work placements).

It's obvious anyway. She's currently on job seekers allowance and it's highly unlikely she would not have found employment had she genuinely qualified in this area.

Her parents don't know she lies about this, so openly discuss with friends her lack of education (she's stopped having her parents around her friends now).

She also lacks knowledge in the area she claims to be an expert and almost died when we introduced her to someone genuinely qualified in the field. He sussed her out in minutes when she discussed a price of work she'd done with an adult, which in reality is only ever done on a child.

The thing is, we do not care less what job she has. We do nohave judge anyone based on their educational achievement. So if she had just been honest/normal we would have thought no less of her but she clearly has low self esteem.

She also mentions her 'job' regularly, almost daily actually so it's getting rather embarrassing and awkward.

Some or my mutual friends have decided to it up with it, but I don't think I can stay friends with someone who regularly lies like that and seems to be a fantasist of sorts.

AIBU?

user1488318718 Wed 01-Mar-17 22:05:44

I know she is on job seekers as she left her letter in her house when I went round.

She claims to work part time in this professional role.

As we know Iran norm teue we do not embarrass her by asking any questions about the 'job'. She constantly mentions her 'job' though. I think this is because she half knows we don't believe her and thinks the more she discusses it the more we will believe it.

HailMarys Wed 01-Mar-17 22:07:19

But is she someone you genuinely like? Does the friendship matter to you? A single-issue fantasy job seems like a fairly trivial reason to end a genuinely valuable friendship. Wouldn't speaking frankly to her be a better option?

user1488318718 Wed 01-Mar-17 22:12:06

The one person who did choose to talk to her about the fake job, she turned against and slandered his name and turned nasty/defensive. It changed nothing and her lying got worse!

So I feel out of my own knowledge area with regard to discussing this with her. I think her self esteem is so low she couldn't take anything productive from being confronted.

It's not just the job. She lies about friends she doesn't have too.

She's not lying about having cancer or something awful like that. But she is still lying and it's quite consistent lying in conversation too.

I'm I going to ignore her, Just slowly reduce contact so that we're more acquaintances.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu Wed 01-Mar-17 22:16:09

No, I wouldn't be friends with someone who repeatedly lied to me. If they were nice I'd definitely speak to them about it - but someone who slandered someone else - no, I'd just drop them.

Did anyone believe her slandering?

user1488318718 Wed 01-Mar-17 22:17:17

I hope not but maybe some people who had lost contact with the person a while ago may have sadly.

andontothenext Wed 01-Mar-17 22:20:01

No I wouldn't be friends with her.

What else could she lie about? That's the question that would always be at the back of my mind.

Also the fact she turned incredibly nasty to the person who challenged would be a massive red flag

Alice212 Wed 01-Mar-17 22:25:30

I don't see what good can come of a friendship where one party constantly lies. I would phase it out.

Catdogcat Wed 01-Mar-17 22:25:51

I couldn't be friends with somebody who found it so easy to lie.

If she is pretending to be something protected (nurse,physio etc.) then that's a criminal offence and she could get into trouble.

PoorYorick Wed 01-Mar-17 22:28:05

The thing is, we do not care less what job she has.

Well, clearly you do. But more clearly, you obviously don't like her at all, so surely there's no dilemma here.

CoraPirbright Wed 01-Mar-17 22:31:09

I think I would find it quite hard to be friends with someone like this because I wouldn't really feel like I knew them iyswim. I would be constantly wondering whether this was the real them or just another fib. I think I would have to step back because how can you really 'know' someone like this?

TheOnlyColditz Wed 01-Mar-17 22:31:42

Why would they like her, Yorick? She's a liar!

user1488318718 Wed 01-Mar-17 22:33:35

We care that she's lying. But not what job she has.

GirlElephant Wed 01-Mar-17 22:35:15

OP have you posted about this previously? I remember a similar post.

AntiGrinch Wed 01-Mar-17 22:37:05

she sounds very troubled.
I have a friend who has told lies about her life which I haven't challenged because she feels the need for some reason to make some stuff up that doesn't matter to me. But on the other hand, these lies weren't about her day to day life, and were quite confined to one specific area that I knew was a difficult issue for her.

You don't have to be friends with anyone. If she makes you uncomfortable, you can walk away. The slandering of someone with the "same" job is off-putting - people who are mean when they are vulnerable - and they are always vulnerable - are tricky and people get hurt around them.

What would happen if you said "it's ok to tell me you're not really a [dentist, or whatever] x". Would some awful reprisal happen to you?

user1488318718 Wed 01-Mar-17 22:42:52

I have a friend who was a Chronic compulsive liar growing up. She lied about miscarriage, illness etc but went to university, made friends, got a job she loved and now doesn't lie at all and if anything is overly honest!

So I do know people can overcome this and change.

But some just don't want to.

ragz134 Wed 01-Mar-17 22:43:06

I'm sure I've read this one before... Or maybe it's more common than I thought. Some people are odd. I had a friend who I was close to who lied a lot but none of it hurt anyone so I ignored it. He did progress to worse lies and I didn't keep in touch.

icy121 Wed 01-Mar-17 22:45:14

We have a friend like this from our uni group of friends. Total fantasist. Comes up with insane shit. Claimed to be signing documents for his job (we now work in the same field) whilst at a big piss up do... I checked on companies house; he isn't a director.... that's the tip of the iceberg re lies. Apparently a direct descendent of Cecil Rhodes, LOTS of sporting prowess... used to play rugby for the county (played in a 7s game - was shit), used to wrestle for county (got into a wrestling match in a bar with a massive bloke; got creamed). Used to play cricket for county (cue tragic bowling). It goes on and on and on. All the boys put up with it and it it's "just xxx being xxx". Some people are just odd.

YippieKayakOtherBuckets Wed 01-Mar-17 22:45:16

This also sounded very familiar - not casting any aspersions on OP but I'm sure there was a very similar thread a few months ago. Perhaps such fantasists are more common than one would think.

pictish Wed 01-Mar-17 22:46:22

I couldn't go on with it. It's a shame she's got low self esteem but she's a liar who guards her fantasies jealously. It's play along and be made a mug of or face her wrath. All things considered, fuck off with that.

I knew someone who faked 7 months of pregnancy to her children. I smelled bull from the outset but circumstances meant I had to play along. After she 'lost' the baby I had to distance myself from all of them. I was absolutely appalled at her.

user1488318718 Wed 01-Mar-17 22:50:09

So many people know someone like this! Personally I've met two but met a guy like this too once.

My boss makes up humerous stories to raise a laugh and for attention but they're in a different league/fairly harmless.

This is far more common than people realise.

YippieKayakOtherBuckets Wed 01-Mar-17 22:50:59

Holy shit pictish. That's deranged.

ToastVacuum Wed 01-Mar-17 22:51:23

It sounds like she has problems and is frightened about people knowing the truth about her unemployment, to the extent she's almost denying it to herself. She doesn't sound particularly happy. Does she know you're aware of the lies and that others notice them too? Can you gently suggest she gets some help with this, before she loses her friends?

PoorYorick Wed 01-Mar-17 22:54:38

Why would they like her, Yorick? She's a liar!

Well, quite. Given how obviously unlikable she is, I guess I just don't see the dilemma that has caused the OP to post in AIBU. Seems very clear cut to me.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 01-Mar-17 22:54:54

TBH you sound pretty judgemental. Perhaps that's why she lies to you.
She's existing on a pittance. Let her have her little dreams and fantasies.
Maybe that's all she has got.

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