AIBU with MIL

[Thisisme1]

I've been married for 10years. DS is 5 and DD 2.
It's safe to say have put up with fair share of inappropriate comments over the years. I for some reason have never been confrontational and caused arguments over them - at times had my husband have a word with his mum.

Since having kids have become somewhat more irritated and maybe irrational at MIL comments towards me. Escp concerning the kids.

She is the type of person that thinks that a child should/will love grandparent more than mother. I'd say she relishes in it.

Whilst at my house the the other week - I was saying how me and son are close and that he always tells me how much he loves me etc - pathetic as it is I was showing her how close we are as for some reason she refuses to believe it. I don't know why I feel I have to prove it to her maybe
Pathetic .
Anyway she turned to my son and said 'do you? Do you live your mummy more or your grandma'
Since then I have gone into free fall hate mode and I want to smash a wall.
She also questioned my priorities when it came to my kids as occasionally I go out!? Apparently once I did when Ds was ill -tho I can't recall doing this!

I can't move on and it's ruined any respect I had. We will always be in each other's lives so how do I digest this bullshit.

[MarcelineTheVampire]

OP your kids obviously love you more, you're their mum but it's beyond inappropriate for her to ask a child whether they love someone more. You have nothing to prove to this woman at all!!!!

And try low contact- my MIL is also annoying like this and every time she says something awful or behaves ridiculously I just pull back from spending time with her. I am the one who encourages DP to spend time and facilitates all the time with DD so she soon gets the message.

[andontothenext]

I've gone low contact with my MIL because she is a MASSIVE shit stirrer.


My life has improved ten fold since I mad the decision. I think it's been about 5 months and I'm just a happier person.

[mummytime]

I would reduce contact with you and your children massively - she sounds pretty Toxic. Try reading Toxic parents (In laws) and see if it rings true.

YANBU - she is BU massively, and psychologically could harm/confuse your children.

[Mingewithafringe]

I'd probably say something like "that's ok MiL, I'll just take over top spot when you pop your clogs, which will be a long time before I pop mine"

But that's just me.

[ImperialBlether]

Or you could say, "Yes, DH has told me he always preferred his grandma to you."

[averythinline]

Go with Imperials approach - in your head if not aloud then she will just see a smile cross your face and not know why!
seriously go LC - why are you even having that conversation with her??

I can understand sort of how you get there (I have a 'friend' I often have odd conversations with that afterwards I think wtf how did that come about -so I dont see her much as I feel crap and pathetic later )

just spend less time with her

[troodiedoo]

Tell her her son loves you more than he loves her.

Seriously, love is not quantifiable. Both of you should calm it down a bit. (Understand you were feeling pressured though. But don't stoop to her level). Less contact sounds like a good idea.

[ollieplimsoles]

Fantastic responses from Imperial and troodie (I actually used that one when things were at there worst with my mil.

Seriously op, some mils/dms just want to watch the world burn, she sounds like one of them so cut her right down

[StrawberryMummy90]

I would do as Imperial suggested and also emphasize you're referring to FIL's mum and not hers

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

Imperial 's comment is epic.

Say that. Every time.

Even say it during random lapses in conversation. Try and get it out five times during every visit. Make it a game.

[coconutpie]

Do as Imperial suggests. Every single time.