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To get annoyed about this

(26 Posts)
glitterglitters Wed 01-Mar-17 15:26:57

Long story short, have a friendship group primarily through my husband (though I do have other friends!) and when two of these friends had their children we accommodated them by swapping nights out for lunches, family friendly get togethers and working around babysitting schedules.

I've now had my child and expecting my second and all I seem to get is either a) invites to "child-free" "let's get drunk" occasions or b) hassle because I'm not prepared to have my dc dumped at a grandparents overnight. we just this week got an invite to an "adults only" holiday where we'll rent a cottage and "gets loads of booze in". I'll be 7.5 months pregnant.

It's started to cause friction and has meant we've had to refuse to go to a couple of weddings etc. AIBU to think it would be nice to have a lunch out or something instead. I've arranged days out and these have gone ahead but have ended up changed to evenings out without the children. Totally realising I need better friends at this point!

OneWithTheForce Wed 01-Mar-17 15:32:52

They must have short memories! Sounds like they've had enough of sober family events and want to get back to drinking and socialising like they did before DC.

Just keep declining what you can't attend and in the meantime seek out new friends. Easier said than done, I know!!

Bestthingever Wed 01-Mar-17 19:16:20

YANBU they're totally inconsiderate, especially about the cottage holiday. Looks like you'll need to cultivate a new friendship group.

glitterglitters Wed 01-Mar-17 19:34:07

Thanks guys. Glad to know I'm not being a total twst. The worst part is our mutual friend who is childless, kept saying to me "I think I want to spend more time with their kids than they do". She then went onto say she often ends up babysitting the kids for them, sometimes overnight, whilst they go on date nights and mini breaks 😱. I didn't even know they'd been doing that!

I've had numerous digs from them about my "parenting style" as well. I'm "smothering" (because I work from home and don't send dc to nursery yet?) I'm just wishing I'd gone out on the lash more when they had smaller kids. 🙈!

glitterglitters Wed 01-Mar-17 19:35:50

Also it turns out this holiday has its own whatsapp group where people have been taking the piss out of me and dh. Dh says they're just jealous because our two year old is cooler than all of them combined 😂👌🏼

OneWithTheForce Wed 01-Mar-17 19:58:13

shock they're bitching about you on WhatsApp?? assholes. They're not friends.

Bestthingever Wed 01-Mar-17 20:00:51

They're not your friends then and they sound quite immature tbh.

glitterglitters Wed 01-Mar-17 20:17:43

Yeah agreed. The weird thing is it's only since I had my dc that they've acted like this. 🗑

notanurse2017 Wed 01-Mar-17 20:21:40

Have you tried to arrange any gatherings or are you relying on other people? They don't sound very nice.

glitterglitters Wed 01-Mar-17 20:47:27

No I've arranged things like lunches etc and they end up saying "oh yeah we'll come but let's go in the evening... and to a pub instead of a restaurant ...and get babysitters" and we then can't go. 😭

glitterglitters Wed 01-Mar-17 20:48:57

We went to a birthday do the other day and someone kept buying me shots (!!!) and every time they put one in front of me I had to remind her I'm pregnant. 🙈

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 01-Mar-17 20:56:16

Fucking hell. What a shower of cunts.

RJnomore1 Wed 01-Mar-17 21:00:46

Many people allow their children to stay over at grandparents, there is no "dumping" about it. It's usually allowing other family members who love your children to care for them and build a relationship with them and not a way of off loading them for your own convenience.

Bitching about you on whatsapp is childish but you do sound somewhat militant about your choices.

Was the buyer of the shots perhaps pissed when they kept getting you them? The alcohol thing is totally out of order.

glitterglitters Wed 01-Mar-17 21:20:11

I didn't mean it to sound pejorative at all but when I'm multiple times a week I would consider that dumping.

These friends also physically held me back from going to my crying child when we had a night in at a friend's house. I had no babysitter and it was either not go or bring them with me. When I finally was allowed to go to her (because I was obviously making "a rod for my own back") she had been sick all over cot and had a stomach bug. I put that behaviour down to different parenting methods, they I'd been drinking etc ( i hadn't and I drove home after that).

RJnomore1 Wed 01-Mar-17 21:37:10

Ok sorry it did sound quite judgemental but in that context I can understand.

They don't sound awfully nice people TBH. I suspect they probably always did act quite like this but it's just since you had a child it's become obvious!

Bestthingever Wed 01-Mar-17 21:43:54

Honestly why are you friends with these people? I don't think you should run upstairs the minute a baby starts crying but it's nobody's business but the parents. Holding you back? Bloody hell, I'd have cut them off for that.

contractor6 Wed 01-Mar-17 21:48:33

Wow just read last update, anyone who physically held me away from.my child would not be my friend any longer. Ditch them, they are awful.

gingertigercat Wed 01-Mar-17 21:53:04

From your updates, they don't sound like good friends or nice people.

However, your original post does make it sound like you expect all group activities to not involve alcohol. Whilst I agree they should be considerate where possible, their social life shouldn't be put on hold every time a member of the friendship group gets pregnant. If you don't want to be around drunk people, don't go and arrange a suitable alcohol free activity for next time.

SnazzyLapels Wed 01-Mar-17 21:53:14

They physically stopped you from going to your crying child? Okay so parenting styles vary but, wow! You don't need these people in your life.

ScarlettFreestone Wed 01-Mar-17 21:54:58

I'm with contractor I would have immediately downgraded to very occasional passing acquaintance.

Was your DH there when you were being held back?

OneWithTheForce Wed 01-Mar-17 22:38:01

Wow! It actually doesn't matter if they think you're making a rod for your own back, or even if you actually are! you get to do that because it's your child and you get to decide how to parent. Even if I think you are doing everything wrong I 100% back your rights to do it (aside form neglect or abuse obviously!) and your "friends" need to grow the fuck up and realise it isn't their business. How dare they hold you back. I would have been so upset! I don't think I could have seen them again.

glitterglitters Thu 02-Mar-17 07:34:09

No dh was on a stag do and if I told him he would go ape shit (understandably!) At the time I thought they were being helpful but somewhat misguided but now I think it was just ruining the buzz. The host was a bit miffed I'd brought dc as I couldn't get a babysitter. But I got so much hassle of just bring dc etc.

If they were "my friends" I'd just cut them straight out of my life, but as they are the wives and girlfriends of my husband's best friends they are at all the social occasions etc. Not all of them are like this either, but if I start trying to associate myself with just "some" of them and not all of them it'll probably cause more drama than necessary.

I think my hormones are playing up big time at the moment and as I work from home, I really miss a lot of social interaction.

Thanks for letting me get it all out. I think my husband is getting fed up with me getting all teary over the same crap again 🙈

Koala101 Thu 02-Mar-17 10:50:18

I think it's crap being left out and well done for making the effort. I think you should take a deep breath don't let them annoy you.
If you can't get to their social events because you can't get a baby sitter don't stress about it- it really isnt worth it. If my husband really wanted to socialise with his friends like that I'd let him go out, and I'd baby sit and vice versa when I want to go out with my friends. Some people just want to have fun socialising without having children around all the time and if they can organise this then they should be allowed to.

mellysam Thu 02-Mar-17 10:57:30

Totally realising I need better friends at this point!
Yes.
Life is too short for this type of drama.

MusicToMyEars800 Thu 02-Mar-17 11:00:05

I wouldn't give it a second thought about shutting them out of my life... these people are parents?!! they sound like a bunch of overgrown teenagers!! and why does every meeting up occasion with them have to involve getting drunk? you could all go for lunch and still enjoy a couple of glasses of something alcoholic (if your you're not BF that is) sounds like they've got an alcohol problem grin

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