WIBU to put a note on the door regarding sleeping baby?!(71 Posts)
I have name changed as this is potentially identifying but I am a regular mumsnetter.
We have just moved into a block of 4 flats, this is all new to me as I have never lived in a flat and always been quite private.
There is one other family who are also fairly quiet/private and we are just on hello/goodbye terms. The other two flats occupied by older childless couples, one of which is beyond the 'nosy neighbour' stereotype. Every morning I see her at the window watching everything go on, she is regularly stopping me in passing about mundane things "just to let me know".
I am on my own with two DCs, one at school and one 5 months old, who is breastfed of which I am struggling with, feeding is every 2 hours and could go on for half an hour each time. The baby naps after we get home from the school run and after a feed, he will only sleep on me so I am practically stuck on the sofa for an hour or two which I don't generally mind as I can put my feet up
Every few days now the neighbour watches me get home, and about half an hour after will knock on the door about any and everything, one week it was an hour after the recycling bins were collected to "remind" me to take the bin in etc.
It is regularly at feeding/nap time and the first few times I'd answer thinking it was urgent, every time waking the baby and then interupting the feeding/schedule. This morning she knocked on the door, I knew it wasn't a delivery or visitor as we have a gate system in which they have to be buzzed in so I ignored it as baby had just settled, she then knocked again and again getting louder each time. When this didn't work she walked round to my front room window (?!) pressed her face up against the glass banging on it. I had my boob out in my own front room and have some lady having a good look!
I then went to the door thinking maybe this time it was urgent but yet again it was another non important mundane issue. She asked why I didn't answer when I was clearly home and she made me feel a bit silly about the baby being fed.
Would I be unreasonable to put a notice on the door that if I am unable to answer after the first knock the baby may be feeding/sleeping and to come back later?? It's happening every few days and I'm finding it very annoying/breaching on my privacy.
I used to leave a note in my front door for the in laws!! Baby sleeping. ..
Even tho you want to write :fuck off I have my boobs out at the moment. .
No, not at all unreasonable! She sounds a nightmare, I would stick your ground and not let her make you feel silly, you may have to be quite firm. Please don't knock at x time, I'm busy with the baby repeat.
Very rude and annoying. Def put a note on the door. Or explain the next time she knocks. Yanbu.
Yes, put a note, but also tell her in person.
My hubby used to work nights, so when I was out I used to leave a note saying 'please do not knock; night shift worker asleep!' And when I was in, I would leave a note on the door that said 'please do not knock door, night shift worker asleep, please knock front window.'
I used to put, don't ring doorbell baby sleeping on the front door. Never stopped the in laws though.
I wouldn't bother with a note, she seems like she would be very likely to ignore it or claim she hadn't seen it. I would be very direct and tell her that you won't be answering any knocks at the door in the morning, and therefore not to knock. I would also ignore her if she persists and stares through your window, and tell her that banging on the window is unnecessary and that she isn't to do that again.
If she tries to engage with you about your baby's feeding/naps I would just repeat the above comments and stonewall her.
Your neighbour sounds like a PITA by the way. Yes DO leave a note, and say YOU are sleeping too. Silly mare sounds like she needs to get a life.
Why do some people think it's OK to just call in on people with no warning? Like you have nothing better to do than entertain them?!
She sounds like a bloody nightmare. Of course YANBU to put a note on your front door. Better be very firm though she sounds absolutely batty so if you just write "baby sleeping" she'd just knock anyway. Hopefully it'll get her out of the habit of knocking all the time.
(I do feel a bit bad for her if she's lonely but I couldn't cope with constant intrusion personally - I'd be happy for the odd cup of tea).
Definitely put a note.
"If I don't answer the door immediately, I am either out or busy settling my baby. Please leave me a note if it is important. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Don't even say come back later. It'll just encourage her to come back every 20 minutes. You have to be very stern with nosy neighbours.
MIL looks after my DS one day a week while I'm at work and puts a note on the door. I think it's quite a good idea and it's definitely less rude than what your neighbour is doing!
No but as you live in such close proximity, you might wanna think of whether just speaking to her directly may be better...?
I leave notes for delivery people, along the lines of:
'Dear X delivery,
I am in, the baby will be asleep when you arrive, please knock gently and I will come to the door but it may not be immediate as I also could be dealing with baby. Bell does not work.
Our bell stopped working ages ago, then it occurred to me not to bother replacing it precisely for this reason!
If you speak to her, just say you're absolutely knackered and are grateful for nice neighbours but that you're trying really hard to catch up on sleep so can she please leave anything like the bins. You will sort it, just not now
You probably need to speak to her in person to get the message across. 'I can hear the door, so if I don't answer it means I don't want to be disturbed' (no need to give a reason) 'Please don't carry on knocking, just leave a note. Thanks.'
I'd have flipped out so she got the message. Cheeky bitch telling you to answer your own door! Tell her to GTF
'Please don't disturb, baby sleeping. Thank you'
I have a note on the door too. There was a thread being sent around Facebook with funny ones like: you wake her, you take her. I just had a plain old: please don't ring the bell, baby sleeping.
I do think you need to talk to her in person as she sounds like someone who doesn't take a hint
Just wanted to add that you need to be firm but polite, as this woman sounds like she would turn nasty if you got on the 'wrong' side of her.
I would literally close my curtains, and not answer the door. She sounds dreadful. I know this annoying woman who pisses me off and is nosey and asks inappropriate questions, and calls uninvited, but she lives 10 minutes walks away, and it's not daily; it's every other week. So it's annoying but manageable.
I feel sorry for you. I hope she will leave you alone OP.
Tell her yourself, not via a note on the door. Make sure she understands.
She sounds like she is desperate for human interaction and is inventing reasons to come round.
Do you know who lived there before? It could be that she would pop round every morning and have a nice chat/coffee with the previous tenant and is missing that. No excuse for bothering you, but might be easier to bear if you can remember that this is probably coming from a place of lonliness rather than nosiness.
I agree that YWNBU to tell her that her constant knocking is not on, that your babys routine means that you are not able to answer to her and if she wants to inform you of anything then she can put a note through the door.
I think it's sad that you even have to consider putting a note on the door. Any normal person would knock once, know that the person either isn't in, is napping or busy (especially as you have a young baby) and then bugger off!
Good lord, she sounds totally crackers! I'd stop making excuses and just say that you're not in the mood for small talk at the front door as you're far too busy and if you ever need anything, you'll be sure to knock on her door a few times.
Or... every time she insists on speaking to you, pretend you're on the phone and do a tad busy right now, will speak another day perhaps type thing...
YANBU, but also tell her to her face, so she can't claim not to have seen the note. I had a neighbour like this when DS was newborn, it was awful and I ended up having a massive go at her after she came round to tell me there were dandelions in my garden?! My nosy neighbour was married with 3 equally nosy kids so fuck knows what that was all about but we ended up with a horrible atmosphere because I'd tried so hard to be polite and then pretty much exploded. So my advice would be to nip it in the bud now by telling her as firmly and as politely as possible.
I had a note saying 'baby twins sleeping please don't knock or ring bell' however in your case I think I'd mention it to her it's her in particular causing the problem!
Or.....answer the door with at least one boob out everytime she knocks!
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