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How qualified are social carers?

(68 Posts)
meggle Wed 01-Mar-17 11:50:28

I have various problems with my 12 year old daughter. She needs help with her mental state but charities, gp and nobody else wants to know.
DH engaged social care to which I had some choice words.
Instead of helping dd i ended up having my mental health assest.
We had meetings in school which were an eye opener. Daughter could walk through school because she isn't stupid just invented the word lazy.

Every teacher commented that she can't/won't work with other people and can cause huge conflicts. Head of year told us she won't make any A grade BUT she is doing great. (What planet is he on?) She has not reached any year 8 goals.
We were told by Social care and HoY OUR expectations are to high?!

She hurts the other kids at home, steals from us (money and other things), makes up stories about us and kids in school, can't find friends at sport groups etc.

School/soial care thinks she is doing great has friends and is happy anywhere apart from home. Ergo - blame the parents.
She steals- WE should give her more money.
Less rules
less expectations + no revision for subjects she is already failing in.
Dd still hasn't got the grasp of time and simple math.
We aren't even supposed to ask her were she was/is if she fails to come home.
She wants to be waited on all day long, doesn't do anything for school, her room stinks and is a mess. She has not a single interest in anything.
She loves watching preschool programmes.
WE are making her unhappy. WE need to change or she is going into care.

She is 12 coming up 13 and I have been sent to parenting courses were social workers couldn't write a sentence properly let alone speak in intelligent sentences. Plus I was stuck with parents who had toddler issues and it was hideous.
(Since I came to this country many years ago I have a full command off the English Language and make sure it has been past on to all of my chidren, while neglecting my own language.)
Are these people qualified in anything?
I get the feeling any muppet in this country can be a social worker as long as they are as intrusive as possible and bully and patronise adults on their ways and means, Or is it just migrant bashing?

I can hold my own language wise but I am not used to be told I am an idiot for having a goal and expectations in common etiquette, school work, respect for others and a happy quite life.

Euripidesralph Wed 01-Mar-17 11:58:48

Yes it's completely shocking that with an attitude similar to the one in the post that you may have some responsibility here hmm

I'm not entirely sure where to start...firstly climb down off your high horse

If some of the statements you repeat are true from the school etc then are you calmly and reasonably pointing out the disparity in them saying she's doing well but missing her goals? Or are you ranting , tutting , rolling your eyes and prosletysingon how everyone else are idiots?

If you really feel that you are not recieved appropriate support then raise it through the complaints process , if it's unsuccessful go to the ombudsman which will be Ofsted or CQC dependant on which agency

Here's a thought , whilst i would suspect there are several different factors to your DD's behaviour , consider that your comvatative and shaming attitude could at least be one of the factors?

I do understand you are probably frustrated and angry and possibly with good reason but your superior somewhat aggressive attitude will not help

brasty Wed 01-Mar-17 12:02:33

If this was one person telling you this, it may be fair to dismiss them. But it sounds as if multiple people are telling you that your parenting needs to change. When multiple people are saying this, I would tend to believe them

LagunaBubbles Wed 01-Mar-17 12:08:22

When multiple people are saying this, I would tend to believe them


Pitchforktotheface Wed 01-Mar-17 12:09:47

To answer your direct question- it depends, a Social Worker has undergone at least a degree (if they are older they may have a diploma but would then have lots of experience) if not a master in Social Work, both of which include at least 200 days of placements. A community assessment officer/ assistant social worker/ family support worker will have specialist training and may have a degree or diploma but not in Social Work.

Social Worker is a protected title so if they call themselves a Social Worker they must have a qualification in Social Work and be registered with the HCPC.

I find it hard to believe that school haven't seen anything, but it does, on very rare occasions happen.


wherethewildthingis Wed 01-Mar-17 12:12:13

In answer to your incredibly goady and rude question, social workers in this country are qualified to at least degree level, required to register with a governing body and subject to continuous assessment of their work.

Hey, though, you sound like a brilliant parent, and all-round nice, caring person. It is definitely everyone else who is wrong, and not you !

acquiescence Wed 01-Mar-17 12:12:44

Social workers, if that is who you are referring to by social carers, are qualified to degree level and are required to be a member of a professional body to practise.

If the problems are at home and your child is able to behave fine in other situations then the problem is likely with your parenting. The professionals will have seen many many families and will have lots of experience to inform this advice.

Your post is very hard to read and understand.

You need to try to work with the professionals involved instead of getting angry with this and being critical.

luckylucky24 Wed 01-Mar-17 12:14:27

Wow. To start, for someone who insults with the statement "social workers couldn't write a sentence properly let alone speak in intelligent sentences," you made a lot of errors yourself in that post so please do not slate the very people trying to help you.

Secondly listen to them and try what they are saying. If it doesn't work you can go back and say you tried and it isn't working.
Are you particularly strict?

brasty Wed 01-Mar-17 12:17:01

Very unhappy children will misbehave. Simply punishing them does not make them behave better.

Mrsweasley123 Wed 01-Mar-17 12:20:57

Um social workers are at least educated to degree level, during which two placements are undertaken, then have to prove their ability to register under the protected title of social worker and then have to keep up continuous training and development to remain registered. So no "any muppet" can't be a social worker, and the basic underpinning of social work training is delivering empowering, person centred care, so not "bullying".

Maybe your appalling attitude towards the workers attempting to help you is some of the root of the problem you are having with social work? Just a suggestion

WorraLiberty Wed 01-Mar-17 12:24:38

I get the feeling any muppet in this country can be a social worker

Off you go then.

That could be the answer to all your problems.

foodtime Wed 01-Mar-17 12:33:57

Wow are people really attacking the OP here. This must be so hard for you.

It's hard really tell what's going on from your post. In all professions there are people who are not doing a great job. As much as some people don't want to hear it, some social workers are pretty shit.

It sounds like they are failing you both here.

Has she been Diagnosed with anything?

Pineappletastic Wed 01-Mar-17 12:35:19

Others have already said - Social Workers are educated to degree level, etc.

Your daughter sounds like she possibly might be depressed or anxious? Either way putting pressure on her is counter productive, that is what they are trying to tell you. You want her to do well academically but this is unrealistic and making her unhappy, she needs you to care for her unconditionally.

You come across as very highly strung and as having an inflated opinion of yourself - your English isn't that great, for a start.

If you've got to the point where they are considering whether your daughter would be better off in care you need to listen to them, and try doing things their way. Doing things your way hasn't worked, or they wouldn't be involved.

meggle Wed 01-Mar-17 12:36:15

I have 3 children.
Guess what, y second changed school after the primary he was in saw him as an extention of his older sister and she dragged every class down.

He is learning better than ever before is liked in school and outside. He could say his dyslexia and dyspraxia, being left handed and other things make his life difficult but he doesn't. He grabs every opportunity learn new things.
He just piped up up yesterday he hopes to get his second choice school since the kids in dd school have approached him and asked him if he is just as dissrepectful and annoying as his sister and wants to be somewhere where he can be himself and not put in the same pot as dd.

If every teacher for eldest daughter writes in a report somebody doesn't work with other people and only likes to work on things she wants to do then it is a schools choice to ignore those reports and turn it into: She is doing great.
She already left 1 Senior school because she had everybody rubbed up the wrong way so badly she was disliked by most teachers and nearly pushed in front of a train.
But you are all right.
It is a good thing if they steal at home in shops etc. because they want something they can't have.

The youngest knows liked in school and in her sports groups. She has problems in math and works on it. She has a drive to get things done and has an empathy for people.

It must be me then.
Sorry I asked I keep forgetting that these forums are full of perfect people.

TheEternalForever Wed 01-Mar-17 12:37:45

I assume that you're asking how qualified social WORKERS are, as opposed to general carers, and my answer is that they need to be educated to undergraduate degree level AT LEAST. A lot of them have an undergraduate degree and a masters degree as well. They also have to be continually assessed across their career. So you're wrong, "any muppet" cannot simply call themselves a social worker, no.

You say that the school says your daughter is happy and doing well? But you think she's not doing well because she's not getting A's?
"Head of year says she won't make any A grade BUT she is doing great".
I don't know if this is a newsflash or anything for you, but an A is not the only good grade, and not every child can get an A. Perhaps your daughter is doing well FOR HER, and it just isn't up to your standard? Why can't you lower your expectations a little? Why does she have to get straight A's? Maybe she's just not academically inclined. Maybe she'll get B's and C's but not want to pursue an academic career? Have you tried talking to her about what she fancies doing after school? Does she want to go to college/uni, or does she want to work with her hands/do an apprenticeship/do something less academically minded? That's okay you know.

Have you tried any of the advice that the social workers and school have offered? Have you tried lowering your expectations or not putting as much pressure on her? Why don't you try their suggestions and see what happens? If it doesn't work at least you can go back and say you tried it. Or why don't you offer to help her with homework/schoolwork? Maybe she just doesn't get it and doesn't want to admit it to you for fear that you'll be angry that she's not a straight A student.

TheEternalForever Wed 01-Mar-17 12:42:21

Cross post - have you asked her WHY she doesn't like working with others? Is she generally a loner or does she just not get on with the people in her class? Do you think they may be bullying her and that's why she doesn't want to work with them?

Everybody is different, so the fact that your other kids are doing well doesn't really do anything for your DD. As I said before, perhaps she just isn't academically minded. Maybe she's not interested in academic subjects, or doesn't understand them, and doesn't want to say so. Does she do anything else? Music or art?

TheEternalForever Wed 01-Mar-17 12:46:06

I think I missed the bit about her stealing from you the firsts time I read it. Have you ever thought of asking a police officer or community support officer to come round to your house and tell her what will happen if she steals in the "real world". You can ask your local police service and there's usually an officer who is happy to come round and have a chat. Perhaps that will help her understand that she can't steal, from you or anyone else?

Also have you ever sent her to a counsellor or psychologist? You say she's listless and not really interested in anything, which can be a sign of depression. Perhaps you can book her a therapy session and they can see if it's anything like that?

Bluntness100 Wed 01-Mar-17 12:49:52

I will not comment on your social worker and teacher views, I will leave that to others, what concerns me is the complete lack of love or even the smallest amount of empathy you show towards your own daughter , the way you write about her is unpleasant, like you dislike her deeply.

And that I suggest may be something that is worsening the issues uou face and is somewhat behind the social workers and teachers comments and why social work is considering taking her into care. Very sad indeed.😞

Euripidesralph Wed 01-Mar-17 12:51:18

None of us appear to be claiming we are perfect but seriously listen to yourself

You refer to her "dragging " people down , you are aggressive , nasty and defensive

It sounds like you are at the end of your tether and I hope genuinely worried for her but you are handling it badly , stop fighting and going after the rest of the world

Just stop

As others have asked have you actually tried any of the things people have suggested?

Have you genuinely sat and considered how you could change your way with her?

I'm far far from the perfect parent , bloody hell I am relieved to make it to the end of the day most days , but seriously the way you speak about that daughter is awful and you idolise your other children....think of the effect that has on her

I don't doubt you're tired , desperate and frustrated and you'll get help if you stop being so aggressive and defensive

AgentProvocateur Wed 01-Mar-17 13:02:59

Not often I say this, but yes - going by the tone and content of your posts, it probably is you.

OopsDearyMe Wed 01-Mar-17 13:14:53

First of all, it sounds like you have a shock ! Horror ! Teenager. Much of the behaviour you said is normal, not appropriate and requires an appropriate response from you. In that you are expecting too much. The messy room,stealing, hurting her siblings etc is all perfectly usual for her age.
Not sure why you are concerned with her choice of TV viewing, its hardly hurting her.

If her school grades are not matching what the school say as in she's getting Fs and they are telling you she's on B's then this needs challenging.

You say she has problems with her mental state.. Can you elaborate ? Does she have issues with depression etc Do you mean behaviour? As that's a different issue?

Who said she could walk through school, but is just lazy? You or the school?
You said the school and social workers do not see a problem with her school work? Why do you think they are wrong?

She has friends at school, but not at sports out of school clubs? Is she still happy to go to them? If not stop them, she can use the time to focus on school work and relax.

What goals are you talking about ? Are these the school targets? Or your personal goals?

Not sure why you have an attitude and mildly racist tone in regards to spoken languages. How does that effect anything?

What are your expectations ? Maybe we can help ? If they might need tweeking?

Its good to have high expectations, but within the realms of what are possible otherwise it becomes too pressurised and at her age there doesn't need to be any more than the basic get your work done to your best ability. Its GCSE years that will be pressurised and not year 8.

meggle Wed 01-Mar-17 13:32:00

We had converstions with local police officer. She was in year 6 so 2 years ago. I safed her the embaressement and emptied her pockets myself back onto the shelf after she lifted almost £5 worth of chocolates and the same amount of panini stickers in front of the security guard.

The off duty police officer , also a father of a child in her her simply told her we all have brain farts sometimes and do silly things and mustn't do that again.
No mention of if it is done in the real world and she gets caught by shop there would be consequences.

She has smashed kids heads into posts in school in Junior school was seen and denied it. I had lovely chats with Headmistress at the time but she moved on.

Last month daughter made up another girl spat into her face which is classed as common assault and could have bagged the other girl a criminal record. She was adament it happened but the teacher and surrounding kids did't see it.
After a meeting with HoY she changed it into the girl had spittle which flew into daughters face.
She started fights with boys in the park where her bike got broken twice. She was out with my son who just wants to go out and go over jumps with other kids and not fight.

She was in year 5 when she didn't want to go to school but watch a film. I had 1 child to go to nursery and another one to go to school.
We had a heated debate and eventually she got ready for school. Just about made it through the school gates.
She was angry with me and told a supply teacher I had kicked her between the legs. I had social workers on my doorstep within the hour, was close enough to get arrested and lost 3 kids. Wonder why I am not warm and fluffy about my daughter? I would love to meet someone who would be proud and happy to show their child off. I have asked for help from schools, gp's and various other people since she was little.
Right after a nursery teacher asked her to ask me if she could have a hairband or haircut as her hair is getting in the way. My daughter responded by cutting her hair off there and then and ask the nursery teacher if it was short enough now.

As for expectations... With a 0.5 in year 8 in math, a 2 in science, english and every other subject and no hope for this child to revise or read up on anything to be told my expectations are to high by school is funny really.
The only subject she exceeds in is french, because it's the only teacher SHE likes.

meggle Wed 01-Mar-17 13:35:23

and I know my spelling is getting out of hand before anyone feels the need to comment on it.

Bluntness100 Wed 01-Mar-17 13:37:13

God your posts are awful, they scream of hatred for your own child. Nothing about how you can help her, how you love her, how you wish to do the best for her, just all the bad things she's done.

Did uou kick her between the legs? Social services are saying it's you and from your horrible posts I would start to think that's true. Maybe it is best they take her away from you. And I don't say that lightly but your posts make discomfiting reading.

Sunnysky2016 Wed 01-Mar-17 13:37:22

I feel very sorry for your dd. she sounds like she needs lots of love and support, yet she is facing criticism at every turn.
Has she been diagnosed with any learning disabilities or mental health problems? From what you have wrote, she sounds very anxious and as others have said depressed- Which is not surprising if she appears to be disappointing people all the time.
Please don't take this to heart, but my understanding from reading what you have written, is that you don't sound like a mother who is worried about their dd, but more a mother who is angry with her. I don't get that 'love and empathy' feeling from your post.
You blame every department that has worked with your daughter, for their faults, yet you don't seem to accept that you may partly be the cause of her behaviour.
As parents, we all make mistakes, none of us are perfect, but maybe here you do need to change your behaviour.

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