I've always had a strained relationship with my mum. Throughout my teenage years she told me I was the worst person in the world, fat, unattractive, a slut. She constantly grounded me which did make me rebel, I would drink with my friends from about 15 and lost my virginity at that age. I tried to get out of the house as much as possible as the atmosphere was genuinely awful growing up, lots of tension and my sister and I constantly being put down. My dad is a doormat and let him happen.
Things that happened to me age 11-18 (when I moved out for uni) that make me not want her involved with my child due August:-
- told I was fat at 11 and put on a 1000 calorie a day diet. Forced to be weighed once a week in front of both her and my dad. To be fair I was a little chubby, but at 11 it was puppy fat and no fault of my own as I ate all my meals at home.
- at 14 I developed bulimia in the binge/purge form. I was very depressed and felt empty so used to eat until I felt full and then make myself sick. Awful I know I told her and my dad about it and they said 'stupid girl why would you do that?' and never followed it up. it continued until I was 18 and moved out, managed to beat it alone.
- self harmed during this period also. Mum saw a scar once and said 'bloody hell you'll get carted off to the loony bin', again that was it and never mentioned again.
- told I was a 'slut' recently (I have had 5 relationships in my life, 3 serious. I have had sex with 4 different people, all people I have been in a relationship with.)
- many similar instances with my sister and dad, generally putting them down. She used to say I had a nice face but was fat and my sister is skinny but ugly. She constantly comments on people's weight and appearance including strangers. She even says things like 'that is the ugliest baby in the world' which makes me worry for when my child is born.
- always being told I'm not good enough despite getting 10 GCSES at A grade, good A-levels and ending up at a top 10 UK uni.
The big thing - told her I was pregnant in January. She isn't happy about it because I'm unmarried and we aren't homeowners - the baby wasn't planned but we are so happy about it, I thought I couldn't have kids and the pregnancy is going well. I'm due in August. We have the money and love to support this child and will do so well, I am sure. I am in the best place I ever have been mentally, despite all these family problems. However she has hardly spoken to me. My dad is excited and was looking through my gender scan photos after I told him we're having a girl, commenting 'oh what a cute little foot!' 'oh look at her perfect nose!' and showing my mum, who literally turned her nose up and commented 'can't even tell what it is' and left the table.
My partner cant stand her and says I need to cut her out, but it's difficult because I'm so close to my sister (who still lives in parents house) and I love my dad - despite all this I do love my mum but I just worry for the sake of my child. I attribute a lot of my self confidence problems and mental health strain to her. I might be wrong but I truly believe she is one of the root causes. I don't want this for my child, I don't want her picking out all my beautiful girl's flaws. I know it won't matter as much until the baby is maybe 3 and understands, but I don't trust my mum. I don't know what to do. The situation is making me miserable