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AIBU to want sex more than 1x week or is DH

(8 Posts)
Poppysarah Tue 28-Feb-17 18:55:20

The long and short of it is DH is not sex mad, he never has been since day 1 although things quietness down considerably when we moved in together.

He only initiates sex at the weekends and rejects me in the week- either doesn't come up to bed with me or says he's too tired.

However, we are very happy together and while I was on bc and libido low wasn't too much of a problem. I've been wanting to ttc for a while and we decided I'd come off bc today (last pill). As it was, came off on sat, dtd sun but without tmi unlikely conception

Although every part of me wants to plan plan plan i don't want to be that person immediately and we had discussed just dtd more and seeing what happened. We have plans tomorrow and thurs so I initiated when we got home tonight. He just started laughing at me and said no and that I'm going crazy already! I said wanting to have sex more than once a week wasn't crazy and I thought we were ttc, he just told me to calm down it's not going to happen straight away.

1.i'm sure he's not cheating he's always been like this
2. I don't think he's avoiding ttc as again he's always been like this since we've lived together

AIBU to want sex more or on weekdays blush particularly when he knows how much I want a baby?!

Squirmy65ghyg Tue 28-Feb-17 19:01:34

If my boyfriend wanted me to have sex when I didn't want to I'd leave him.

Iggi999 Tue 28-Feb-17 19:03:35

Once a week would suit me fine but not when ttc. It could take you months to hit the right day.

Poppysarah Tue 28-Feb-17 19:05:26

I appreciate that which is why I've never pushed the issue at all, it's more that he won't even discuss it sad now that we are ttc

MatildaTheCat Tue 28-Feb-17 19:06:11

YABU to both of you in wanting to conceive a child into a relationship so fundamentally incompatible.

Neither of you is wrong but can't you see how this can only lead to resentment for you both?

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 28-Feb-17 19:08:11

My advice would be to chill out. Nothing less sexy than someone wanting to shag for a reason that is not, "I want you" when you're not in the mood.

Either the amount of sex he wants is a deal-breaker or not. If it is, you need to find someone compatible. If it's not, slow down. The person who wants less sex 'wins' because unwanted sex is not on the cards.

Poppysarah Tue 28-Feb-17 19:12:48

Thank you for your responses! I suppose I just got upset as I've been so excited that we are finally ttc (we have been together 10 years) but have been saving, advancing careers, got married, got on the property ladder etc

MaisyPops Tue 28-Feb-17 19:23:08

2 issues:
1. Is the current sex situation a dealbreaker?
2. TTC and the challenges

For 1- If its a dealbreaker long term then you need to reevaluate the relationship.

For 2- you might need to have an honest and non confrontational chat about it.
Eg. Me and DH are TTC. Im happy with twice a week. He'd have more so we see how we go. Some weeks more others less.
DH and i have accepted that still having no baby is probably because we miss the window during the month so have both agreed to make an effort around the right sort of time to step it up a bit. Sure it's not romantic as such but the open conversation matters.

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