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4 year olds and sex - what the hell?!!

(59 Posts)
QwertyScrewdriver Tue 28-Feb-17 16:58:09

So about three weeks ago I was with my son on a play date at his friend's house (a girl), they are both 4 and have played together since a few weeks old. They wanted to play together in the friends upstairs playroom. As me and the other mum went back down to get a cuppa she said, out of earshot, 'Play nicely kids, don't have sex' and chuckled. I thought it odd but ignored it as I assumed she had a brain fart and would rather forget it entirely, speaking from experience when I've said something totally awkward and then spend the next 20 minutes replaying it in my head while cringing.
Cut to today and she said in front of her daughter how cross her husband would be if he found out she had a boy in her room alone. THEY ARE 4 YEARS OLD FFS! Then went to great length to explain to her that if my DS had a sleepover he would be expected to sleep downstairs alone (not in any one of their 3 spare bedrooms) as boys shouldn't sleep in the same rooms as girls and if he was in a room near her he might try to sneak in. It's completely out the question anyway as he wouldn't be sleeping over there but it's made me feel really awkward. One of our friends has a DD who slept in the bed when her mum had a baby, as the photos were posted on facebook, so girls are exempt from the rule.
AIBU to feel really put out by it, like she's suggesting my DS or boys in general can't keep their hands to themselves even from this early age? I know the PANTS rule is being pushed now and I wholeheartedly agree with this but is this level of 'protection' really necessary?
(Sorry if I'm not coming across in the right way, I'm in shock!)

NiceMoustache Tue 28-Feb-17 17:00:42


arainydayinearlyspring Tue 28-Feb-17 17:02:41

It's definitely odd but it is possible she had a bad experience.

x2boys Tue 28-Feb-17 17:03:42

weird .

trappedinsuburbia Tue 28-Feb-17 17:04:28

Bit weird

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler Tue 28-Feb-17 17:05:27

Very weird.
My friends daughter came to mine for a sleepover when her and my ds2 were a similar age. They shared a bath and a bed. Because they are kids. confused

Floggingmolly Tue 28-Feb-17 17:05:29

She sounds disturbed

Rixera Tue 28-Feb-17 17:06:37

No, she is being completely inappropriate.
Gender doesn't decide sex play anyway, which is weird for adults to think about but children of similar ages like to giggle at one another's bits, and it's not meant sexually.

If an adult makes it into something to be insecure about, something with an adult sexual aspect or connotations, that's potentially going to mess the child up for life.

Not to mention that they were playing innocently anyway.
It would really freak me out if someone were to say things like this to me.

BobbieDog Tue 28-Feb-17 17:06:39

I wouldnt like this at all.

I bollocked my step dad for asking dd who is 4 if she kisses the boys at nursery.

Very inappropriate.

barinatxe Tue 28-Feb-17 17:06:39

With child sex abuse, it's usually best to err on the side of caution. Better to have a 100% chance of nothing untoward happening than to "only" have a 99% chance.

Pollyanna12345 Tue 28-Feb-17 17:06:49

She sounds very paranoid and I would agree maybe there's a bad experience somewhere

arainydayinearlyspring Tue 28-Feb-17 17:06:50

I wouldn't have unrelated children in a bath, TBH.

harderandharder2breathe Tue 28-Feb-17 17:08:41

I'd steer clear of anyone who would leave a small child downstairs alone rather than "risk" them in the same room as another small child of the opposite sex

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe Tue 28-Feb-17 17:11:35

I'd probably decline any sleepover invitations there.
It's all very odd.

Tomorrowillbeachicken Tue 28-Feb-17 17:15:42

Woman is a freak

QwertyScrewdriver Tue 28-Feb-17 17:17:35

Arainyday I hadn't thought about that. Her kids, her choice I guess. It did make me feel awkward, as though I'm raising some kind of monster.

It wouldn't even cross my mind to think they would do anything like that at this age! I know it HAS and DOES happen, but it makes me sad that in her mind my son could do something to her but our friends daughter (who is a very badly behaved child) couldn't as she's a girl.

cosytoaster Tue 28-Feb-17 17:19:37

YANBU - she's being totally ridiculous

arainydayinearlyspring Tue 28-Feb-17 17:20:24

It's not about behaviour so I wouldn't worry about that.

If you've been sexually interfered with in some way as a child, the whole 'but they're children' doesn't wash, as you were a child and sexualised.

I wouldn't have my child go there on unsupervised playdates, but certainly she has had something horrible happen from this anecdote.

Jaysis Tue 28-Feb-17 17:21:49

I'd be dropping her as a friend tbh, she sounds fucked up.

If there ever was an incident where the children were talking about privates or wee-wees you can be sure she'd blame the boy for being a pervert.

Rixera Tue 28-Feb-17 17:26:34

But rainyday, I was too and I wouldn't tell a four year old not to have sex with his also four year old friend. In fact the thought is nauseating. That's more sexualising than letting two children play!

And if she has a genuine fear coming from an experience, it is her job to go to counselling or use appropriate language like 'I'd rather you two play downstairs', or 'DD doesn't have friends in her bedroom'.

QwertyScrewdriver Tue 28-Feb-17 17:28:17

Yes I would definitely not be letting him sleep over there! I keep thinking of the little things she's said or done in the past that I dismissed but now wondering if she's actually always been hinting towards this. She does have a lot of funny ways but she's a lovely friend so it does seem quite odd

Kiroro Tue 28-Feb-17 17:28:49

And if she has a genuine fear coming from an experience, it is her job to go to counselling or use appropriate language like 'I'd rather you two play downstairs', or 'DD doesn't have friends in her bedroom'.


arainydayinearlyspring Tue 28-Feb-17 17:29:52

Indeed Rix but let's just say she isn't at a point where she recognises that what happened is wrong.

SaudadeObama Tue 28-Feb-17 17:31:00

As the mother of a 4 year old boy I find this quite very fucking disturbing. I would start distancing myself.

Rixera Tue 28-Feb-17 17:31:20

Then she risks damaging her daughter.

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