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To be cross with DD about her hair?

(256 Posts)
PixieGrace Mon 27-Feb-17 19:13:30

DD (12) is currently going through an awful, rude, snappy phase.

I am getting very cross with her at the moment as she has very long hair and a) won't brush it at the back so it is just a huge matted mess at the back and b) won't wash it properly; her hair is very thick but she will only wet the top layer, stick a bit of shampoo on and then won't rinse it out. Her hair is constantly matted, smelly, greasy and with huge chunks of dandruff in it where she won't rinse her hair or wash it properly. If I try to brush it for her or suggest washing it she has a screaming tantrum.

To cap it all off I have just now seen that she has nits too!

I have just told her that I will be washing her hair properly, brushing it and nit treating it and she is again shouting, screaming and crying in her room.

DH is useless and says it's my fault for letting her have long hair!

I'm so fucking cross!

Trifleorbust Mon 27-Feb-17 19:14:26

Get it cut. Sounds horrid.

zzzzz Mon 27-Feb-17 19:14:48

De nit and then get it cut.

sonjadog Mon 27-Feb-17 19:15:58

Cut it off.

Ingles2 Mon 27-Feb-17 19:16:25

Grim! Pop it in a ponytail and snip the length off!

PixieGrace Mon 27-Feb-17 19:17:07

Cutting it off will cause a huge screaming tantrum though.

Trifleorbust Mon 27-Feb-17 19:17:08

I should say, also, brushing out matted hair is sooo painful it's usually not worth it.

Astoria7974 Mon 27-Feb-17 19:17:21

Get it cut short. Poor girl clearly can't cope with it.

Sirzy Mon 27-Feb-17 19:17:39

At 12? I would actually be worried about a 12 year old girl who was happy to let her hair be like that, especially the nits.

DearMrDilkington Mon 27-Feb-17 19:18:19

I'm suprised nits have gone near her hair if it's that greasy and matted.
How does she feel about getting it cut shorter?

msgrinch Mon 27-Feb-17 19:18:28

Get it cut, deal with the tantrum, she's 12 and clearly cant handle long hair. Your DH is right.

Crankycunt Mon 27-Feb-17 19:18:35

I used to have extremely long, thick curly hair.

It is hard to look after, will she get a haircut?

She probably knows it's a little grim, but is embarrassed about it hence the behaviour.

She's got two options, sort it out and learn how to take care of it, or get it cut.

Leggit Mon 27-Feb-17 19:18:35

Tbh it IS your fault, that is you and her father, for allowing it to get so bad. I understand some teens are not too fussed by personal hygiene but it's our job as parents to ensure they do it anyway. It's ridiculous to lay the blame on her and even more so to expect her to cut her hair. She clearly needs help so please give her it. Start with conditioning to get it brushed through, hold the roots as you brush through to minimise pain to your DD. She has to understand her hygiene is important but forcing a hair cut is only going to drive a huge wedge between you, it certainly won't have a positive ending.

Does she not get bullied at school because of it? Poor wee thing

Trifleorbust Mon 27-Feb-17 19:18:37

Better a tantrum than getting bullied at school for having nits and smelly hair at 12 confused

Does she have any SN? I only ask because there would (potentially) otherwise be ways to explain the above to her? Socially she must be feeling the effects!

HoneyDragon Mon 27-Feb-17 19:18:40

If your getting a tantrum either way than may as well have a tantrum with manageable hair

PixieGrace Mon 27-Feb-17 19:18:41

Weirdly she is very into her appearance at the moment and brushes and straightens the sides and front of her hair but just leaves the back. She has a huge screaming tantrum if I point out that her hair is matted at the back and won't let me brush it!

teenagetantrums Mon 27-Feb-17 19:18:42

I would say her hair up to her. But nits need to be dealt with. At 12 l would just let her scream and shout and take away her phone, internet or anything else she wants until she lets you do it. At least she's screaming in her room and not at you

sonjadog Mon 27-Feb-17 19:19:19

Sounds like there is going to be a screaming tantrum either way. So why not cut off her hair, leaving it at a length that is manageable for her, so there will be some good to come out of this tantrum?

Stormwhale Mon 27-Feb-17 19:19:27

Absolutely agree with the above. I would tell her it is her last chance to care for her hair properly or it will be cut off. I would have another chat about hygiene and try and work out why she is acting the way she is. It sounds like more than normal soap dodging and I would be trying to work out the reason behind this.

DearMrDilkington Mon 27-Feb-17 19:20:00

Does she not get bullied about her hair at all? Is she in secondary school?

PixieGrace Mon 27-Feb-17 19:20:04

Nope no special needs!

msgrinch she is his child too and won't take her for a haircut or do anything to her hair as she tantrums! Or does having a vagina make it automatically all my fault and not his??

FannyDeFuzz Mon 27-Feb-17 19:20:13

Get it cut. Not as a punishment, but along the lines of "let's get a proper haircut now you're a bit older" - get them to layer and shape it, maybe even a few very subtle lowlights or something

My mum did this to me when I was a similar age, she also took me out and treated me to a whole new wardrobe. I was a grubby child. Mum isn't image conscious at all, so it must have been bad for her to stage an intervention

(actually it was bad- was pony mad and had to be wrestled out of disgusting old Toggi jacket)

Bantanddec Mon 27-Feb-17 19:20:39

She'll end up with dreadlocks if it's not dealt with now

Littledrummergirl Mon 27-Feb-17 19:21:05

Dry shampoo. Keep some by the front door and spray her before she leaves the house.

DearMrDilkington Mon 27-Feb-17 19:21:12

Has she tried a tangle teaser? They don't pull as much as normal hair brushes and are wonderful for matted hair.

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