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To refuse to call him by his stupid nickname??

(340 Posts)
PonyPals Mon 27-Feb-17 13:24:36

So we have a brand new staff member in my team who has a perfectly sensible name - Steven but has decided to use some ridiculously stupid nickname he made up - Sonty hmm
And he is now constantly correcting all of us and insisting we use his nickname. I am his manager. I feel silly even uttering Sonty. Yet he corrects me every time I say Steven.
Aibi to want to take Sonty and shove it up his bum!
PS not his real name or moronic nickname but they are similar to what I said.

TheAntiBoop Mon 27-Feb-17 13:28:43

If it was his given name would you object to using it?

I know a few people who are called a different name to their given name and it irks them considerably when people insist on calling them a name they don't associate as their own!

MrsDustyBusty Mon 27-Feb-17 13:29:24

Tell him that, as a manager, you feel that nicknames are over familiar and against your personal policy.

ImperialBlether Mon 27-Feb-17 13:29:31

Is it Jonty/Jonathan?

AQuietMind Mon 27-Feb-17 13:30:39

YABU, That is the name he has chosen to use and you should respect that.

SabrinaTheTeenageBitch Mon 27-Feb-17 13:31:28

I suppose he has the right to be called whatever he feels most comfortable with but depending on how stupid the nickname I may struggle to take him seriously.

Agree with PP about it being over familiar as well

Efferlunt Mon 27-Feb-17 13:32:30

If it is Jonty that's a perfectly acceptable shortening of Johnathan.

I think YABU. He should be able to tell you what he wants to be called and you can't refuse just because it annoys you.

Crispbutty Mon 27-Feb-17 13:32:34

Yabu. If he wants to be called by that name then he is perfectly entitled to request you call him it.

If he wanted to be known as "fuckface" or bollockchops" you would have a point...

harderandharder2breathe Mon 27-Feb-17 13:33:04

Yanbu, I have a nickname which is related to my surname not my first name. Some managers have used it, but the rest of them just use my given name. If they asked for a nickname (my first name doesn't easily shorten) I would tell them.

I did once have a manager called Bill who when I first met him I greeted him as William (which id been told was his name!) and he laughed, he was always Bill.

So I think a diminutive of first name is different to a proper nickname, the first is more normal for general usesage

AlmaMartyr Mon 27-Feb-17 13:34:28

If it's similar to the example you've given then you should use it. That's what he likes to be called and it is rude not to use it. If the nickname is 'smellybum' or something then entirely reasonable to refuse.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Mon 27-Feb-17 13:34:51

If his nickname was obscene or something typically affectionate like Snookums or Darling, YANBU.
But Sonty / Monty / Jonty, nah. Call him Sonty

Has he just made this up or is it a nickname he had before joining you?

IamFriedSpam Mon 27-Feb-17 13:35:13

I think YAB a bit U especially if it's Jonty which is a perfectly normal nickname. Unless it was something so ridiculous it would be unprofessional to use the name I'd just use it, you'll soon get used to it.

Sparkletastic Mon 27-Feb-17 13:36:24

Entirely depends if it is Jonathan / Jonny. Because that is fine. If it is Flash and his name is Kevin then YANBU.

Sparkletastic Mon 27-Feb-17 13:36:50

*Jonty not Jonny. FFS.

EdmundCleverClogs Mon 27-Feb-17 13:38:21

Is it a play on his actual name - such as Jonty to Jonathan, which is rather inoffensive, or is it something ridiculous like Sparky or Biggles? If saying his name sounds like announcing a DJ in Ibiza you may have a point, otherwise I'd let it slide. I believe the workplace should be professional, but there's an issue of being a bit too stiff as well.

As his manager though, you are in a senior position and should call him by his given name, just so no lines are blurred with over familiarity.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork Mon 27-Feb-17 13:38:34

Call him Mr whatevs instead.

RhodaBorrocks Mon 27-Feb-17 13:38:39

If he's Jonathan and asking to be called Jonty as a PP said, that's actually a recognised nickname although more unusual. A bit like calling an Alexander Xander or Sandy rather than Alex. I don't see a problem if it's along those lines.

Very few people where I work call my boss by his full name, I was even introduced to him with his nickname. One of his first questions when I started was did I want to use my given name or the nickname he'd noticed in my email address. Because I like to keep work and personal life separate I opted for my given name, but so many people where I am use nicknames or their middle names etc that it would have been fine to go by my nickname - and my nickname doesn't even start with the same letter as my given name (think Isabel vs Bella).

SloanyAnne Mon 27-Feb-17 13:39:33

Is he expecting you to use in in writing as well? Does he use it in emails?

Owlzes Mon 27-Feb-17 13:42:50

If it’s an abbreviation he’s used for a very long time, he may actually find it a total nightmare to go by his birth name and work – he may well just not hear it a lot of the time and will miss people talking to him. My real name is something like ‘Margaret’ but I’ve been called something equivalent to ‘Mags’ my whole life. Literally no one calls me Margaret, and it has only ever been used in temp jobs where no one could be bothered to remember that I had two names.

It is always a pain. I have missed phone calls, not realized someone was giving me instructions – all sorts – because if someone calls across an office ‘someone on the phone for Margaret’ I won’t realize for five minutes that it’s me. And yes, I get it’s daft if he’s got two names but odds are he didn’t choose it – often, in these cases, his parents will have put one name down on his birth certificate and then just called him the other from when he’s very small. Just use his chosen name. No skin off your nose.

splendide Mon 27-Feb-17 13:44:18

I need to know if it's Jonty!

If it is then this is not something he made up.

Lumpylumperson Mon 27-Feb-17 13:45:31

Entirely depends if it is Jonathan / Jonny. Because that is fine. If it is Flash and his name is Kevin then YANBU.


If it's Jonty that is a fairly common shortening of Jonathon.

Bluntness100 Mon 27-Feb-17 13:47:37

It depends what it is. If it's an accepted abbreviation or similar then you should respect his wishes and use it. If it's something like mr banana hammock then not so much,,,,

Astro55 Mon 27-Feb-17 13:48:01

Nick names and shortening a name are totally different - As is a known as name - Catherine - Known as Middle name Sarah

A NN is a fun name given by accident to someone which sticks

Shortening William to Bill is not a nick name

So which is it?

I have the opposite issue where people shorten my name and I hate it!

Dahlietta Mon 27-Feb-17 13:48:35

Just because you don't recognise it as a shortening of his name, doesn't necessarily mean that it isn't a legitimate one (e.g. as pp have pointed out, 'Jonty'), but even if it isn't, unless it's offensive or really very silly, YABU not to call him what he wants to be called.

MiddleClassProblem Mon 27-Feb-17 13:49:07

What if he doesn't identify with Steven at all as he was called Dobty by family and friends all his life or he was named after his abusive father so chooses to go by Sonty?

I thought most job applications had a bit where you wrote your preferred name any way these days.

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