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AIBU?

DH wants to use a family name for our child, I don't - AIBU

191 replies

Todayistuesday · 26/02/2017 22:54

DH's middle name is an unusual one and his father and grandfather also have it. It's a family name. He'd like our baby to have it too if it's a boy. I really don't like it. I'd maybe consider it as an additional middle name. He wants it as a first name and doesn't want the child to have two middle names. With my other child we both chose their names. AIBU?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 26/02/2017 22:55

Depends on the name.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 26/02/2017 22:56

No YANBU. DH and I agreed that if one of us hated a name then it was out...no matter how much the other liked it.

I ended up with what was really the final say and that's because I carried the baby and gave birth!

Just keep repeating no. It's not like he can go over your head on this is it?

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 26/02/2017 22:56

I think having it as a second middle name is a good compromise. Which is what both of you are going to have to do otherwise one of you will be very unhappy.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 26/02/2017 22:56

Molly it really doesn't depend on the name at all. If OP hates it, she should not have to call her baby it.

junebirthdaygirl · 26/02/2017 22:59

I woulx give it to him as a second name. His only one. No one pays much attention to second names and itz a nice tradition he may be proud to be part of. But its important to agree first names.

Todayistuesday · 26/02/2017 23:01

It's quite a feminine name, definitely unusual for a boy in our culture. I think his parents would be upset if we didn't use it. It's the breaking of a tradition I suppose, but it's not one that means anything to me. At the moment the name irks me just by thinking about it! I can't be irritated by my own child's name, can I?!

OP posts:
crazypenguinlady · 26/02/2017 23:02

Would he agree that you have more say in the first name if he wants to choose the middle name? Obviously he can't force you to use a middle name if you dislike it that much but could you compromise. Is there a variation of the name you could use instead?

Personally, it has always been extremely important for me to use my dad's name as a middle name for a boy and thankfully DP agreed (our baby is 5 days overdue!). I'd have been upset if he refused but would have tried to find a middle ground. As it happens, family significance means a lot to us both so although I dislike his father's name, we'll be using it as a second middle name, at my suggestion. So I can understand not liking a name but for me, the honouring trumped that.

What's the name by the way?

Todayistuesday · 26/02/2017 23:04

I wish I could say but it would out me; it's unusual! Worth suggesting to him about me having more say over first name if he gets that one.

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 26/02/2017 23:04

If it is traditionally a middle name in his family why is he so keen to use it as a first name?

ollieplimsoles · 26/02/2017 23:05

Yanbu, you cant call your baby something you both dont love for the sake of tradition, its madness.

What's the name op?

ollieplimsoles · 26/02/2017 23:06

think his parents would be upset if we didn't use it

Oh what a terrible shame for them..Hmm

ParadiseCity · 26/02/2017 23:06

I went with DH family tradition for DS middle name but it's a name also in my family AND I like it AND it's 'only' his middle name.

For DD I have a family tradition name, I don't really even remember consulting DH but he must have liked it or not minded...

However none of this matters if you hate the name. That is an automatic veto.

MiddleClassProblem · 26/02/2017 23:06

My DH put a family name forward to which I objected fullstop as I don't like that sort of thing. I like people to be individual if that makes sense. I also pointed out that as o had taken his surname the navy would already have representation of his family in name form and nothing from my side. He said I could use a family name but I didn't want that. I often don't feel it's fair unless that person meant something extra special to you which in this case it didn't.

If you are going to I would feel it would be to honour that person.

rollonthesummer · 26/02/2017 23:07

If it is traditionally a middle name in his family why is he so keen to use it as a first name?

That's what I was thinking!

If one of the couple hates a name then it's off the list as far as I'm concerned.

ParadiseCity · 26/02/2017 23:08

Re the in-laws, maybe tell them you don't want to use it because you have an ex boyfriend with the name? Or ex girlfriend if it's that feminine?

Willyoujustbequiet · 26/02/2017 23:08

Yanbu

Have you taken DH surname? Will any of the name reflect you?

RachelRagged · 26/02/2017 23:10

Trying to think what it could be . Just because.

Can only come up with Hillary and Lyndsay (Lindsey) as heard of males named both .

SoulAccount · 26/02/2017 23:10

If he wants this name, he doesn't also get to decide how many middle names the baby gets. Is the baby also having his surname?

Not reasonable to use a first name that is not agreed by both parents.

Does this middle name have any meaning or significance other than it has been recycled over 3 generations?

Todayistuesday · 26/02/2017 23:10

We operated a veto system last time. Good point about it being a middle name tradition and also the surname - the baby will have his. I'm not mad keen about even having it as a middle name really. It's also our last child and I don't really think I should have to compromise on such an important thing.

OP posts:
RachelRagged · 26/02/2017 23:11

Oh, YANBU OP

Todayistuesday · 26/02/2017 23:11

No other significance. Rachel, one of those is right!

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 26/02/2017 23:12

often don't feel it's fair unless that person meant something extra special to you which in this case it didn't

I agree with this, my dd's middle name was given after a famous person whom I greatly admire and have done since my teens, her first name is her own. A baby should be an individual, not a hand me down of a family tradition.

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RachelRagged · 26/02/2017 23:13

Well in my opinion you are definitely NBU .

May be my age but to me they are girls names.

Todayistuesday · 26/02/2017 23:13

Has no significance to me. I just feel irritated by the very mention of it at the moment!

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 26/02/2017 23:13

Oh shit op, both would be awful, dont do it.

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