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Surname after marriage

(202 Posts)
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Sun 26-Feb-17 20:41:13

I'm getting married in August. I used to be in the police where it was common for women to take their husband's name (if they wanted to of course) and use that for their personal life but maintain their "maiden" name for work purposes.

This created a split between work and personal life to protect their family privacy.

I'm no longer in the police and was toying with the idea of still doing this, but there's no real "need".

WIBU to ask whether you kept your name, adopted your partners name, selected a new surname together or now use different names for parts of your life?

smu06set Sun 26-Feb-17 20:42:45

Traditional here - took his name, across work/personal life. Still getting used to it 18months later!

AnotherEmma Sun 26-Feb-17 20:45:05

I added DH's surname to mine (Myname + Hisname, no hyphen) and I use the same name for everything, personal and professional.

It was that or keeping my surname. I would never have taken his and dropped mine completely.

Children will have both surnames too.

It's too much of a faff to have different names for different things, IMO.

LadyLaSnack Sun 26-Feb-17 20:45:07

My husband took my name.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sun 26-Feb-17 20:45:07

I had been married before and wanted rid of that surname when I got divorced (before I got engaged to now dh) I changed it to now dh first name!! Our ds has dh first and surname as his surname!!

CMOTDibbler Sun 26-Feb-17 20:46:15

We kept our names. Ds is myname-hisname

goldleaftea Sun 26-Feb-17 20:46:37

took his name and totally regret it. i was never and will. ever be a "xxxxx"

Ta1kinPeace Sun 26-Feb-17 20:48:11

I use my maiden name for work and my married name for home
got married in the 90's
kids have married name but are used to referring to both

do what feels right

jackieeee Sun 26-Feb-17 20:48:34

I kept my maiden name for work - i am a children's doctor, but changed and used husbands name for everything else.

EdithWeston Sun 26-Feb-17 20:50:00

I kept my name.

I don't mind people using his for me socially, though, but find that most people use my actual name.

StumblyMonkey Sun 26-Feb-17 20:50:18

We're getting married in December. I'm going to keep my name and take his so I'll have two surnames (not double barrelled).

At work I will use my own surname as I've built up a good reputation over 15 years. In my personal life I'll use both surnames.

sailorcherries Sun 26-Feb-17 20:50:19

If I can change my DC name I will change mine (their name is double-barrelled my name-exs name, and I'd like to change my name part while keeping exs).

If I can't then I will keep our double-barrell my own name. I refuse to have a different name to my children.

SquidgeyMidgey Sun 26-Feb-17 20:50:29

Took my husband's name all the way. Rather that than my dad's name.

abeandhalo Sun 26-Feb-17 20:50:46

Kept my name. For me it felt like someone expecting me to change my face, such a huge part of my identity.

We're expecting our first baby in a few weeks & he'll be double barrel.

orgulous Sun 26-Feb-17 20:50:59

Husband took mine. We wanted to have the same name as a family when we had kids, and my surname is nicer than his. He got loads of kudos from all his female friends for it!

orgulous Sun 26-Feb-17 20:53:19

Also, my name is a big part of my work identity, so if nothing else I would have had to keep that professionally. And tbh, I probably wouldn't have got round to changing passports etc - DH is much better at all that sort of admin than me!

lalalalyra Sun 26-Feb-17 20:54:12

I changed mine. I had no affection for my father's name. I had already changed my first name when I was 14 so changing name again didn't bother me. My girls have their Dad's name (I absolutely didn't want them to have that connection to my father) so were used to me having a different name.

I think you should do whatever you want to do. It doesn't matter what anyone else did/does - it's your name.

AnotherEmma Sun 26-Feb-17 20:54:49

"If I can change my DC name I will change mine (their name is double-barrelled my name-exs name, and I'd like to change my name part while keeping exs)."

Please don't change your children's names. When my mum married my stepdad, she changed her surname and mine. Now they're divorced hmm

I'm not saying you will divorce eventually. Just that there is no need to change your name or your children's. If your fiancé wants to have the same surname he can take yours (unless he already has children in which case he might want to keep the same name as them - in which case maybe you could both double-barrel?)

MarklahMarklah Sun 26-Feb-17 20:55:13

Same as AnotherEmma - I added DH's surname, no hyphen. I use it for everything but some places struggle to understand that I use BOTH names. DD has both surnames too.

Willyoujustbequiet Sun 26-Feb-17 20:55:28

Kept my name. Kids have mine. Very glad of that now many years later on the point of divorce.

greenmidgetgems Sun 26-Feb-17 20:57:17

I double-barrelled with his surname first then my own surname. I continued use my own surname only / my maiden name in work but in my personal life I use either or even just his surname.

Sometimes I forget which one I've used which is fun when I'm asked for my name!

Willyoujustbequiet Sun 26-Feb-17 20:57:21

Squidgey its not a choice between your husbands or your dads name.

Its not only men that own names. Your name is your name as much as it your dads.

AnotherEmma Sun 26-Feb-17 20:57:50

Willyou YY

Justanothernameonthepage Sun 26-Feb-17 20:57:56

Kept my name. DC have my surname as a middle name and DH name as a surname

kel1234 Sun 26-Feb-17 20:58:28

I always knew I'd take my husband's surname. In fact, it was wanting to be married and for me to have dh's surname so all 3 names were the same on the birth certificate that resulted in a 3 month engagement and us sacrificing some of what we originally wanted, so that we were married first. (We'd discussed marriage and both agreed it was what we wanted, but didn't actually get engaged. But when we knew we were having a baby, we both agreed we wanted to be married before the baby was born, and I didn't want to be showing, so hence the very quick engagement).
In fact, I'd had my first scan before the wedding, with my maiden name on. When we went for the second scan, we were married. The first thing I did was told them the change my name to that of my husband, so it was my married name.
I'm not judging anyone at all, or saying at all that everyone should be married and all have the same name. Just that that was what we wanted personally. And that the idea of not taking my husbands surname never occurred to me as on option.

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