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to give up on relationships?

(52 Posts)
kineticmagnetic Sun 26-Feb-17 19:19:03

My last relationship ended under a year ago.
I have come to the decision that I just want it to be DD and I from now on, I have no interest in any form of emotional or physical relationship in the future.

My Mum thinks this is a silly idea as I should move on and find someone new.

AIBU to not want a relationship again aged 32?

wonderingsoul Sun 26-Feb-17 19:23:54

Ynbu. If you want a relationship thats great. Theres great people out there.

But being single is also bloody awesome.

Youll prob get a lot of comments from people but a quick im not looking right now should shut them up.

LouiseTM Sun 26-Feb-17 19:27:12

If thats how you feel then yanbu, each to their own, maybe in the future you will feel differently but dont beat yourself up about it. Its your decision.

kineticmagnetic Sun 26-Feb-17 19:27:17

I'm not denying there are great people out there, I just don't want one!
I'm a bit worried about the stigma of being a singleton forever I guess.

wonderingsoul Sun 26-Feb-17 19:29:06

Does it really matter... theres stigma to almost every thing you do.

Bottle feed breast fed... nappies v reusable
Full time v pt.

Singlev couple.

The only opione that matters is your own

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 26-Feb-17 19:33:28

Does it have to be a conscious decision either way? I happened to meet DH. I didn't search him out, just met someone I liked. I think that's possibly the issue. Rather than looking for 'a relationship' isn't it better to be open to meeting nice (and possibly attractive) people? Maybe a relationship is on the cards; maybe not.

kineticmagnetic Sun 26-Feb-17 19:37:45

I think that's the thing. I am officially signing myself off relationships full stop-to the extent I don't really speak to men now.

pinkdelight Sun 26-Feb-17 19:43:28

Often that kind of forever statement comes just before you meet someone. Maybe it'll be different for you and believe whatever feels helpful for now, but 32 is young and so is the tendency to make definitive statements about how your life will pan out.

papercaper Sun 26-Feb-17 19:43:41

Yanbu not to want a relationship. You may change your mind in future, you may not, both are fine smile. Don't give other people's opinions on it a second thought. Being single can be great and, if you're genuinely happy that way, can also mean you give DD more of 'you' and more stability.

Just wondering, when you say you don't really talk to men now, it sounds as if you perhaps don't actually like men very much? You can still interact and enjoy male company even if you're not 'looking'. Not saying you have to but it's just a thought.

Also, what about sex? Do you think you'd miss it? Would you seek out casual arrangements or just be happy to be celibate?

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 26-Feb-17 19:44:11

Well that's a bit sad. Some of my favorite people that I don't shag are men. Did something happen to you? Is it just men or are you giving up on female friendships too? flowers

kineticmagnetic Sun 26-Feb-17 19:47:19

I have always got on really well with men, I suppose it's all friendships I'm letting go a bit. I just don't want to give out the wrong idea (I'm naturally flirty).

papercaper Sun 26-Feb-17 19:57:39

Nothing wrong with flirting a little wink

SeventyNineBottlesOfWine Sun 26-Feb-17 20:03:12

I said the same 3 years ago. I'd had enough of dreadful relationships and was perfectly happy raising my two children alone.
Until.....I fell madly in love with the most perfect man!
You just don't know what the future holds.
I don't think there's anything wrong though with remaining single for as long as you feel. My time spent being single taught me a lot and gave me a lot of independence and I enjoyed it at the time!

Bagel88 Sun 26-Feb-17 20:22:19

You'll probably find the love of your life when you're least looking ;)

StormZelda Sun 26-Feb-17 20:27:18

There is a stigma about being single for a ling time i agree but it takes strength/personal growth to learn not to care. Most people never (have to) go through that. I have been single for nearly a decade. I want a relationship now but for a long time i did not. It makes it easier to end inadequate relationships imo, having got so used to being single in the past.

kineticmagnetic Sun 26-Feb-17 20:30:41

My mum insists DD needs a father figure whilst growing up too and that should be another reason for me finding someone.

I don't think she needs on really-it would have been good if her father was involved!

StormZelda Sun 26-Feb-17 22:40:45

I agree with you. Even if you met somebody you wanted to be with and they wanted to be in a relationship with you, and they wanted a serious relationship and they wanted a parental type of role, they might have children of their own who were their focus. I remember dating a lovely man and thinking what a good father he was and feeling wistful that my dc didn't have a good Dad as well. If I'd got closer to that man my kids would only have witnessed a man who demonstrated what it was like to be a good father - but not to them, obviously

73kittycat73 Sun 26-Feb-17 22:55:09

I understand where you are coming from. I've been single for over a decade and have no plans for settling down with anyone. I like my independence to much! And my bed to myself...grin I don't miss sex as 1) I've never had good sex, and 2) I take medication that kills you libido. (Not for that reason though, it's a side effect!)

Alice212 Sun 26-Feb-17 23:00:27

YANBU
There is a stigma attached to being single and I think it's getting worse
Not a reason to look for a relationship you don't want
Being single is marvellous
Don't get the father figure thing, good parenting is important but sometimes it is just the one that's good even when there are two!

DevelopingDetritus Sun 26-Feb-17 23:27:20

You do what feels right for you. Sounds like your mums projecting insecurities or she's just worried about you, either way, you show her! You'll be just fine you see. I've been on my own for over a decade too. Best wishes.

May50 Mon 27-Feb-17 06:06:17

I feel the same. Separated a few months ago. Plan on being single (+ kids) from now on.

kineticmagnetic Mon 27-Feb-17 07:19:48

Thank you for the replies, it makes me feel a bit better to know I'm not the only one who thinks along these lines!

Archimandrite Mon 27-Feb-17 13:05:52

I've been single since my divorce 10 years ago and have never been happier. I just don't feel I want/need to be in a relationship. I love living on my own, making my own choices, doing what I want when I want. I have another divorced friend who feels the same. Others just don't seem to understand that it's possible that we might just be completely happy and feel complete even though we are not in relationships. And I honestly don't care if people think it's odd or that I'm missing out.

The woman who lives in the flat below mine hasn't appeared to be in any relationship since I moved into the block 7 years ago. She is in her 30's and has masses of friends, is always going out and on the phone (you can hear everything in this place!) but no sign of a boyfriend/girlfriend. She seems (at least from the outside) to have an incredibly busy and sociable life. I don't know if she is single by choice or not but you are absolutely not on your own.

If you feel you do want a relationship somewhere down the line, then nothing is set in stone. For now though, I'd accept that this is right for you and it's fine. I don't think your DD needs a father figure. You can be a brilliant role model for her without one.

angelcakerocks Mon 27-Feb-17 13:23:46

YANBU and I feel exactly the same. If I'm honest my own experience has been that men think they're doing you a huge favour if they're dating you as a single parent. Sod that. I'm focussing on the dcs and will leave dating till they've left home, if at all.

StormZelda Mon 27-Feb-17 14:07:20

I get that mindset, feeling independent, making your own choices. But the way society is structured, it's harder to have a social life when you're single (at least when you have dc and can't just join whatever you want to join)

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