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being used as an unpaid babysitter so in laws can go out without me

(38 Posts)
Bravenewworld1 Sun 26-Feb-17 16:06:11

OK. my in laws arrived on Thursday ( mother in law, sister in law her husband and their lovely 2 children ( 7yrs and 10 yrs). they live very far away so come to London 2 maybe 3 times a year. they were down for a few days and staying in a hotel not at our house. my husband said that the kids ( my niece and nephew would be staying for a sleep over on Friday. we have 2 kids the same age and they all get on brilliantly so I said that that would be great.
Friday comes- I found out that they will all be going out including my husband so really the sleep over is more over a would you babysit request. I didn't mind but I do wish it had been conveyed to me in that way. so Friday comes and they arrive at the house soon after I get back from work so chat for a while and to drop kids off. I make dinner while kids get ready and husband gets ready and then he leaves.
we have lovely evening kids go to bed really late as they are excited being with each other. now when we visit my mother in law the kids are always together , either in the grandmothers house or aunties house so sleep overs are common but I have never asked them to look after kids so I can go out. my husband may have as he often goes there with the kid but without me (maybe due to work or what ever).
he comes home about 2 in the morning. fine so far. however, next day he is hung over so doesn't help. there is no bread or milk in house but I give them toast and scones for breakfast. I take girls to shops and get back to make lunch. my niece and nephew don't like pasta or pizza so I suggest eggs on toast. hubby says he will get some bread/milk from shops. fist he offers to take my daughter to her club that she goes to on sat . I assume he will get the groceries after he drops her- its a 5 min car ride away. so we all wait at home. he doesn't come back for an hour as he drops her then goes to a café for tea maybe some lunch and then to read his book. then he picks her up and drives back home. I did not go to shops as I was expecting home to come home from shops. anyway it 3 by this time .
I rush out get food and make them lunch and inlaws come to ours at about 4. and they leave with kids at 6.
husband then goes to bed really early with out helping out- eg making dinner.
I feel pissed off - sister in law hasn't phoned to say thanks- got no help next day and I am not speaking to him as he thinks he has done nothing wrong AIBU ?

Mumzypopz Sun 26-Feb-17 16:20:05

You are not being unreasonable at all. They have used you as a babysitter. Rude of them not to invite you or bring you a treat back, or perhaps they could could have brought lunch the next day or invited you out somewhere for lunch to say thanks. However giving them the benefit of the doubt, perhaps it was relayed to them by your husband that you didn't mind, or had offered or something. Think your husband is rude though. He knew you didn't have food in for lunch then went out somewhere and had lunch himself in a cafe? Couldn't you have all gone?

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sun 26-Feb-17 16:23:43

Sorry but your dh sounds like a knob for just letting them all - including himself - wall? all over you!! He obviously doesn't see you as an equal and he needs pulling up on it. . You got stuck with his relatives while he sloped off for some him time!!

krustykittens Sun 26-Feb-17 16:27:26

Wow. Are you not a member of the family? It just seems strange that they all go out and leave you to babysit without even asking if you would like to join them. I see my SIL rarely but wouldn't dream of doing this to her. And your husband is an arse. He left you, your children and his sister's children sitting at home with no food, after promising to get it, and went and had a naice lunch out while reading his book in peace?! I would have gone mental and then run up a big bill at an expensive restaurant for dinner. And you were left with your SILs kids for 24 hours and not even a thank you?! Yeah, I'd be going ape shit.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 26-Feb-17 16:29:57

Would you be able to go on the piss, do nothing, go off to a cafe for an hour and go to bed early?

RaisinsAndApple Sun 26-Feb-17 16:34:46

YANBU, your H IBVU. Sounds totally shit and I'd be well pissed off because in that situation. No advise, sorry, but I also suspect that it was your H who gave them the impression that all this would be fine with you. What a twat.

RaisinsAndApple Sun 26-Feb-17 16:35:34

Argh, being - not because (and advice blush grammatical shame)

JennyOnAPlate Sun 26-Feb-17 16:36:11

He went to the cafe for an hour when he knew you had no food in the house for his children's lunch?! What an utter knob!!

dataandspot Sun 26-Feb-17 16:42:07

What a pig! I bet this is not the only time he has been a pig either!

StrawberryShortcake32 Sun 26-Feb-17 16:48:33

YANBU! My goodness I'd be going mental! No problem with the scenario with the ILS should hubby have asked if it was okay and explained it in its entirety.

As for a hungover hubby treating himself in a cafe while you are home with kids and no food...who even does that?

He needs to send you to a spa, buy you a fancy dinner and buy you choccies and flowers to make up for this!

expatinscotland Sun 26-Feb-17 16:51:14

Your husband got his wankiness from his family.

Jaxhog Sun 26-Feb-17 16:52:26

YANBU. What a selfish b*d your DH is.

'He needs to send you to a spa, buy you a fancy dinner and buy you choccies and flowers to make up for this!'

Totally agree. And babysit while you go with your best girlfriend.

diddl Sun 26-Feb-17 16:55:00

Your husband sounds a complete selfish twit!

I think that it was perhaps fairly obvious that he would be going out with his family, so maybe he didn't feel the need to spell that out & of course if you were alos going then a babysitter would have needed arranging for your own kids.

But if what followed is his usual behaviouie not thinking about you & the kids at all, I can see how it';s just another example of being taken for granted.

highinthesky Sun 26-Feb-17 16:57:45

He's either thick-skinned or just plain thick.

You might have to spell out why you're feeling abused.

Batteriesallgone Sun 26-Feb-17 16:57:59

Your H is a total arse. I would be so so mad. So disrespectful. The lunch thing - WTAF? Is he completely unable to think of other people or does he just not see you as a person? Does he hold down a job? Because he surely can't plead this is his natural level of incompetence, I mean he'd be incapable of normal life if that is the case.

I can't see this is the in-laws fault. If I was visiting DB and said oh let's go out, what should we do with all the kids, do you know a local babysitter and he said 'oh SIL will stay in with them don't worry it's my turn for a night out' then I wouldn't query it with her. H could easily have been the one who organised dumping the kids on you so they could all go out on the piss.

Bravenewworld1 Sun 26-Feb-17 16:58:39

UPDATE- I phoned my sister in law - she was absolutely lovely and very very grateful so I have absolutely so gripe with her- I think my husband is just lazy and not bothering to pass on messages of gratitude

Quartz2208 Sun 26-Feb-17 17:07:23

You have a husband issue clearly, he probably offered your services

Vegansnake Sun 26-Feb-17 17:09:06

Oh dear...why did they not collect the kids at 9 am...also..the problem is yr husband.happy to use you and happy for his family to use you...totally out of order...is this an isolated incident or is he usually such a twat

Vegansnake Sun 26-Feb-17 17:10:51

Ofcourse yr sil was lovely....but why not suggest a babysitter so you could of gone out too,if she was that lovely ....nah not lovely at alll....I could not of done that to my sil...

Aeroflotgirl Sun 26-Feb-17 17:12:05

My goodness what a prick, I hope you read him the riot act, that was totally unacceptable. Sorry but that would not be happening again.

EweAreHere Sun 26-Feb-17 17:19:06

Your husband is a jerk.

I'd have woken him right back up and gone out for a drink in a local pub with a friend, or just taken a book. and made him deal with the children last night after all that. Total jerk.

MarvelMummy13 Sun 26-Feb-17 17:20:26

oh my gosh op you must have felt really left out and under appreciated. My OH would never go out with family without me if we can't get a sitter he doesn't go. It would be weird you not being there and everyone else was like you're not part of the family . How terrible and then to be in a state the next day sounds like a complete idiot lots of making up to do !!

TheSnorkMaidenReturns Sun 26-Feb-17 17:32:14

Problem is definitely with your DH I'm afraid. You need to make sure you get your time paid back.

bloodyteenagers Sun 26-Feb-17 17:34:39

Your haven't got a lazy husband. You have a selfish fuckwit. This is the only
Type that would others to go hungry whilst they thought of their own stomach.

Chippednailvarnishing Sun 26-Feb-17 17:38:20

There's a running theme with your DH, what you choose to do about it is upto you...

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