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To ask the mother if my other son can attend the party as well?

(100 Posts)
ImmuneToWhatever Sun 26-Feb-17 13:28:32

Two boys 11 and 6, both equally obsessed with Pokemon cards. The youngest hangs out with the eldest at school with his friends to trade cards. It's nice because the age difference isn't apparent in cards of that sort.
Eldest has been invited to a 'Pokemon party'. Sounds ace. The youngest will be gutted he can't go.

I'm slightly tempted to offer her some money for the hassle and would she mind if the youngest joined too?

Or should I just tell him to suck it up and get over it as I usually do with them when one has a party and the other doesn't. After all, it's a common occurrence. It just so happens that this party happens to be about the latest obsession that includes friends that my youngest has grown close to.

MsMarvel Sun 26-Feb-17 13:30:04

I think the age gap is too big to expect another parent to be happy to have him tagging along tbh, sorry.

I understand that day to day it might not be an issue but a party setting will be different.

Applebite Sun 26-Feb-17 13:30:54

I wouldn't. He's not been invited = the host child didn't choose him, not because he doesn't like him, but because all the other kids will be 11.

McButtonwillow Sun 26-Feb-17 13:32:36

Yabu don't ask, if I were the party boy's dm I would feel put in an awkward position and the age gap is too much.

SoupDragon Sun 26-Feb-17 13:32:56

IMO you tell him to suck it up I'm afraid. The eldest won't want his younger sibling tagging along on every occasion and the party goers won't want a younger child who is not part of their social group hanging around.

It's not fair to put the host mother in an awkward position by asking really.

early30smum Sun 26-Feb-17 13:33:09

YABU I'm afraid.

yorkshapudding Sun 26-Feb-17 13:33:09

I wouldn't. If you do, the Mum will most likely feel she has to say yes to avoid awkwardness and I don't think it's fair to put someone in that position. Your eldest sons friends may tolerate a six year old hanging around with them at school but that doesn't mean they'll want one at a birthday party.

Allthebestnamesareused Sun 26-Feb-17 13:33:13

Absolutely no way! Do not do it. Do not be THAT mum.

Even if it wasn't such a big age gap it is an invite to your older son. Fairly certain he won't want to be the kid that had to bring his little brother either! I am aghast you even need to ask if YABU!

Allthewaves Sun 26-Feb-17 13:34:14

nope. Unless you know it's at a soft play or public venue even then you can't expect ds 6 to be included

FrancisCrawford Sun 26-Feb-17 13:34:51

Please don't.

He wasn't invited because they don't want a 6 year old at an 11 year olds party.

And who they invite has got nothing to do with you.

This is another child's party - please don't try to make it about your child because it isnt

firawla Sun 26-Feb-17 13:35:44

You can't, even with a small age gap I wouldn't. It's too awkward if all the invited kids will be from the older year group. I've 3 all mad on Pokémon but if only one was invited only one would be going. I'd get the eldest to tell me all about it when he got back and if the younger one would love it you could always use some of the ideas for his birthday when that rolls around!!

rollonthesummer Sun 26-Feb-17 13:35:50

No-please don't!!

Finola1step Sun 26-Feb-17 13:36:42

Di not be THAT mum is by far the best piece of advice you can be given on the matter

yorkshapudding Sun 26-Feb-17 13:37:02

Also if your DS1 is 11 presumably hell be going to secondary school in September so your DS2 will have to get used to hanging around with kids his own age at breaktimes and not being included in everything DS1 does with his friends.

Finola1step Sun 26-Feb-17 13:37:20

Do not Di.

pinkish Sun 26-Feb-17 13:37:50

So a mum has organised a wonderful event so her son can celebrate his birthday with his friends and you want a kid 5 years younger to tag along? That's so self-centred! Of course you shouldn't ask her.

ImmuneToWhatever Sun 26-Feb-17 13:38:14

I'm not trying to make it all about my child. My eldest would love to have him there, they are really close.

Nonetheless, I can't ignore what you're all saying so I guess it's a no-go.

Neverthelessshepersisted Sun 26-Feb-17 13:38:35

My kids are/were similar.


ImmuneToWhatever Sun 26-Feb-17 13:38:46

Self-centred. hmm

pasturesgreen Sun 26-Feb-17 13:39:02

Dear God, no! You can't. I'm cringing on your behalf.

DownHereInTheHorridHouse Sun 26-Feb-17 13:40:01

Everyone else is right - she'll feel obliged.

Just have the same sort of party for your youngest when the other one is at his. Random parties are great - cheap snacks and no need for anyone to bring presents!

Trifleorbust Sun 26-Feb-17 13:40:21

No, you can't do that. Your 6 year old would be completely out of place.

Heratnumber7 Sun 26-Feb-17 13:40:27

What your 11yo talks about with his mates probably wouldnt be suitable conversation for a 6yo.

expatinscotland Sun 26-Feb-17 13:40:53

Think it'd be really cheeky to ask.

DioneTheDiabolist Sun 26-Feb-17 13:41:10

Glad you're seeing sense

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