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I know I'm BU but can't help it. Dp and new hobby.

(46 Posts)
Isthismummy Sun 26-Feb-17 12:42:10

Dp has taken up a new sport as a hobby. I've actually been encouraging to do this for some time, as he works really long hours and never really gets time to himself to let off steam.

The only drawback is that Sunday is the only day of the week we get to spend together and now he's out of the house from around 10am to at least 3pm. He works really long hours on Saturdays and now he's going to be gone half the Sunday as well.

I know everyone will say I should just find things to fill my time and I can easily do that, but I miss himsad I don't want to make a big deal of it because everyone is allowed a hobby after all. AIBU to feel the way I do? I don't see him as much as I would like to start with due to his long hours (he gets a day off during week too, but it's a day I'm at work) and now I'm going to be seeing him even less.

Feeling pathetically abandoned and I'm going to have to put a fake smile on when he gets home and pretend I'm fine.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 26-Feb-17 12:44:09

Cycling? Not much you can do I don't think. Can you do it with him.

Isthismummy Sun 26-Feb-17 12:50:39

Thank fully not cycling😉

I can't really do it with him. It's a rough, high contact sport and rather manly. My dp is the opposite of manly but totally obsessed by said sport!

expatinscotland Sun 26-Feb-17 12:52:15

Rugby? Why don't people say what it is? Is it that secret?

Thattimeofyearagain Sun 26-Feb-17 12:52:41


ProudBadMum Sun 26-Feb-17 12:53:26

Is it lacrosse? grin

I hate the word Hobby because of MN. It's like secret code

Isthismummy Sun 26-Feb-17 12:53:52

American football.

I cannot see myself donning my shoulder pads and joining ingrin

Isthismummy Sun 26-Feb-17 12:54:27

I wish it was lacrosse. I could probably give that one a gogrin

ProudBadMum Sun 26-Feb-17 13:00:10

On the matter of how you feel, you aren't unreasonable to feel like that. Could he skip a Sunday every other week and spend it with you?

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 26-Feb-17 13:02:18

Phwoooaaarrr just sat here imagining my DH in American football gear. CHRIST. I'd be down there like a shot, watching him from the touchlines.

I understand how you feel but YABU. He's keeping fit and doing something he enjoys. He's not out until 10 and back at 3, that's really not that bad. I'm sure if you arranged something for a Sunday every once in a while he would skip the football.

Otherwise I'd be down at the football ground, watching his tackle through binoculars.

RoboticSealpup Sun 26-Feb-17 13:03:26

everyone is allowed a hobby after all

If it takes up the only day you have together? No I would not want my DH to have a 'hobby' then. But he wouldn't do that anyway because he wants to spend tone with me too.

RoboticSealpup Sun 26-Feb-17 13:04:06


Isthismummy Sun 26-Feb-17 13:06:29

Trouble isn't he won't improve if he skips weeks. I'm sure he would slip it for something important though.

Haha ShowMePotatoSalad. You're welcome to go down in my place?😉

ProudBadMum Sun 26-Feb-17 13:07:45

Go down then to pub afterwards. Best Sunday in my opinion.

do you have kids?

Isthismummy Sun 26-Feb-17 13:08:19

See I do feel a bit like that RoboticSealpup.

It's really out of character for him tbh. He normally values time with me above everything else. I'm not enjoying suddenly being second best and having to pretend I don't mind.

Isthismummy Sun 26-Feb-17 13:09:40

No kids. We're starting IVF treatment soon though, so I'm feeling very vulnerable at the minute.

We can't drink due to the fertility issues, so pub has somewhat lost it's appeal.

I could frankly murder a drink!!

Happinessisthis Sun 26-Feb-17 13:10:20

My husbands hobby takes up 2 evenings and a Saturday all day. With my job and his job working round each other, we literally never see each other. We have 2 kids and is getting me down forever being on my own. Yanbu
When does the season end? DH ends in April so I get him back for a few months (or at least until pre season)

ProudBadMum Sun 26-Feb-17 13:11:44

Go for a meal afterwards or something of your choice? After 3 isn't late tbh.

You aren't second best. He just has found something he enjoys. My partner goes to football twice a week after work and we have a baby.

My hobby is the pub so I do that when I can with friends grin

Is there anyone you can meet up with? Maybe partners of the other players?

VeryBitchyRestingFace Sun 26-Feb-17 13:13:15

Otherwise I'd be down at the football ground, watching his tackle through binoculars

Do meat and two veg look better wrapped in footie kit than they do out of it? confused

ladyvimes Sun 26-Feb-17 13:14:17

Start a cheerleading squad? grin

madcapcat Sun 26-Feb-17 13:16:38

Ladyvimes beat me to it!

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 26-Feb-17 13:18:05

Very haven't a was, in fact, a joke! grin

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 26-Feb-17 13:19:12

I did ivf. No way would I be ok with dh unavailable every single day. He wants you to put your body through some pretty massive shit and he isn't ever there. What kind of partnership and parental roles do you see once the baby is born if your treatment is successful?

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 26-Feb-17 13:24:10

💐 You're not being at all unreasonable to feel like that, it's the only day you both have off work.

However, you muppet, you encouraged him to do it! 😁

I'd play the long game on this one. Suck it up for this season, go out - see friends, visit national tryst properties, start cycling, take up mud wrestling...whatever interests you. Do not appear to be 'at home' simply waiting for him to come back. It's a bugger about the 'no alcohol' (but all for the greater good - Good Luck!). He will miss you more if you're not quietly waiting at home, but out having fun too. Then at the end of this season revisit it & see whether both of you think it's a great idea for either of you to do an activity that is on the only day you have together. In my opinion, it's not. It's all very well people saying it's only 10-3, but it totally screws up 'a day out'.

DistanceCall Sun 26-Feb-17 13:25:37

CrossFit, I imagine.

You sound a bit smothering, to be honest.

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