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To worry that 12 week old DS does not smile at me (possible grip required)

(26 Posts)
MontysTiredMummy Sun 26-Feb-17 12:33:21

My DS is the most scrumptious baby and I absolutely adore him. He is at the stage now where he grins like a loon (after a slow/grumpy start) at everyone who pays him attention. Erm, except me.

For completeness, my labour was traumatic (crash section under GA) and DS spent a week in NICU. However, I definitely don't have PND.

I am starting to take it personally... blush DH and DM (who lives with us and spends a lot of time with DS) get goofy grins and chuckles and smiles. I get eye contact but no more than that. I have to work so hard gurn in his face just to get a wonky smile. It's getting to the point where I am considering ending ML early because it feels like he doesn't care whether I am around. I know I sound utterly bonkers btw.

Please hand me a grip!

ClopySow Sun 26-Feb-17 13:29:52

You don't need a grip. I don't know what the answer is, but it must be hard.

Magzmarsh Sun 26-Feb-17 13:35:47

DD was like this, practically court jester for dh and Mount Rushmore with me. It doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things but is shite at the time. It does get better op, hang in there.

Applebite Sun 26-Feb-17 13:37:09

No grip needed, it sucks! However the truth will be that he still thinks you and he are one because you're always there and you're his world. So he smiles at things outside his world because they are exciting, but it's you he needs.

All of my friends with little boys have found that they turn into real mummy's boys as they get older smile

OnTheUp13 Sun 26-Feb-17 13:41:50

I think it's because as that age they think that you and he are the same person? It's later on they realise that mummy isn't them? Or maybe I'm talking rubbish. I'm off for a google!

Trifleorbust Sun 26-Feb-17 13:42:57

Babies sometimes just stare at mum in rapture smile

OnTheUp13 Sun 26-Feb-17 13:43:46

LapinR0se Sun 26-Feb-17 13:44:14

Yes he doesn't feel the need to smile at you because he thinks you are him. So don't worry!

MontysTiredMummy Sun 26-Feb-17 13:44:39

Thanks everyone. I feel so whiny even saying these things because we have been so lucky with DS, but it's tough being the one hauling out of bed every 2 hours just to given the "meh" look! And YY Magz - apparently DH is consistently hilarious and I am chopped liver!

Apple that is the loveliest explanation so I am going to hold that thought next time he is gazing 2 inches to the left of my head whilst yawning theatrically grin

flowers thank you

ImmuneToWhatever Sun 26-Feb-17 13:46:38

Both of mine did this!!

Their dad would simply be nearby and they would smile.
I on the other had would have to work really REALLY hard to get a smile out do them at that age.

It's definitely nothing personal. I'm actually a bit glad to read that it isn't just me!

Coastalcommand Sun 26-Feb-17 13:47:00

If it helps, we have the same here!

MontysTiredMummy Sun 26-Feb-17 14:07:09

Thanks coastal and immune - it definitely helps smile

motherinferior Sun 26-Feb-17 14:26:22

Oh you poor love.

At six months DD1 decided I was the most fabulous entertaining person in the world. Hang on till then. It is so galling, this stage!

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 26-Feb-17 14:29:38

Later down the line of development but my DS didn't say "mama" for ages. Said "dada", our dog's name, and even food names and "there!" He could say mama, and he'd said it once or twice but not with any regularity. I took it personally for a while, and now it's MAMA MAMA MAMA all day long. And I know he loves me.

I'm sure, despite everything you went through, he is very bonded with you. As another PP said perhaps he is just staring at you in raptures because you are his mum - it's actually very very possible. I can't remember when DS started smiling at me.

If it's any consolation I can't get DS to laugh like DH can. He's just got the knack.

AndShesGone Sun 26-Feb-17 14:33:04

It's because you're the mirror. He recognises your face as the total constant, always there, always available, totally responsive.

My dog is the same grin

She skips around the room like Christmas has come when he comes back from work. Me? I get an 'oh it's you' face

littlefrog3 Sun 26-Feb-17 14:48:30

Don't worry about it. Babies don't (usually) start to develop any real personality til 5-6 months old!

Give it til early summer, and baby will be grinning at you every minute of the day. grin

OhWotIsItThisTime Sun 26-Feb-17 15:16:22

Ds1 was like this. Don't worry. This, too, shall pass.

Ds1 is a very cuddly, affectionate lad who loves me. And I, him.

RocketPockets Sun 26-Feb-17 15:52:41

I had a similar birth to you, crash section under GA and it took me a while to bond with my DS. It took him aaaaages to smile at me, even now his dad can make him laugh far easier than I can!
I don't take it personally anymore though, he must get bored of me goofing in his face grin

thefraggleontherock Sun 26-Feb-17 16:15:43

My eldest has gone back to this at at 4 years old! daddy comes home from work and it's like some other worldly being has landed, I on the other hand get "mummy, you're not my best. Daddy's my best because he did my match attax. I need a poo now, I'll shout when I need you to wipe!" But at 4am when he's sure he's seen a monster/he needs a drink/his 4th toe on his left foot is a bit tickley ???? Oh mummy's the best then!!! gringrin

Like others have said it's because you are his constant. At about 6 months he will realise you're actually his favourite grin and you won't be able to move without him screaming for you. DS2 is still like this at 18mo and I love it, everyone gets smiles, but no one gets smiles like he has for mummy.

YANBU to feel a bit put out but don't feel as if you should just go back to work. He loves you and he needs you, he's just not showing it because you're doing such a good job flowers

MontysTiredMummy Sun 26-Feb-17 21:42:18

Thanks everyone. It's good to know its not just me. DS has developed a nasty cold this evening so he's not smiling at anyone right now! Poor little sausage smile

ThisMorningWentBadly Sun 26-Feb-17 21:49:53

I took it personally too. Ds1 would grin like a loon at Dh. I did reaslise that I am beige (beige hair and skin) and wore a lot of beige maternity tops. So I wasn't all that interesting to look at for a baby. dh with his black hair, pale skin and checked shirts had more contrast for a child to look at.

So without wishing to sound like a loon, are you beige?

MontysTiredMummy Sun 26-Feb-17 22:12:13

Thismorning I think you might be on to something there! grin I am much more beige than DH (swarthy) and mum (redhead) so maybe I am just not very interesting viewing. I will keep up the gurning.

Parney Sun 26-Feb-17 22:45:40

Monty I could have written something very similar! Crash section under GA exactly this time 11 weeks ago.. my darling DS smiles for me but oh boy is it hard work. I'm ashamed to say I'm a little green when he beams at total strangers if they just happen to glance in his direction. I'd hoped that by now he would recognise me and provide me with instant smiles! I do realise this is very unreasonable but can't help but want to be rewarded for the whole growing him inside me thing as well as all the feeding 😂 This thread has been reassuring.

LuluJakey1 Sun 26-Feb-17 22:52:54

DH is the cat's pyjamas as far as DS is concerned. I have got used to it. He would smile at me when he was a baby and then DH would walk in and DS would beam, chortle, laugh, clap his hands. But he lves his mummy just as much. I am his cuddler and go to for comfort. Your DS loves you too. He is just tiny.

Ohyesiam Sun 26-Feb-17 23:46:52

Time there's nothing like a traumatic labour to make everything feel worse than it
Your like boy is so bonded to you that he can't tell where he stops and you begin, so it would be like smiling at himself.

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