Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4

AIBU?

Anonymous report to SS

85 replies

toolaidbackperhaps · 26/02/2017 11:50

Nc for this so not outed.

I received a phone call from the social services department on Friday, following an anonymous report that dd had a black eye.

Dd did in fact have a black eye, which she got my running into her sister playing tag. The man on the phone was lovely, I answered a few questions and he was happy with everything I said, he claimed it matched up with everything the school had said too when he called them and there would be no follow up.

I am not bothered about this at all. I feel in a weird way it's good someone was looking out for my dd, and as it was a genuine accident I know I have nothing to worry about. I'd rather they checked 100 innocent reasons than miss 1 genuine abuse case.

My friend was with me when I got the call and she is really worked up! Said I should be looking in to who reported me, go down and speak to the school to ask them, she thinks it's disgusting that someone thinks I've deliberately hurt my dd. I've told her that's not the case at all and they have to follow up any reports. She couldn't believe I was being so calm about it all and said I was too laid back.

AIBU for not getting more worked up about this? I'm more worried now because of my friends reaction than I ever was about the call itself. How would you feel/react?

OP posts:

Report

ditzychick34 · 26/02/2017 11:54

I'd be a little pissed off that someone could think that I'd hurt my child, but so glad that someone cared enough about them to want to check. I've nothing to hide but not everyone is the same and if that anonymous phone call saved a child's pain I'd take an inquisition everyday

DearMrDilkington · 26/02/2017 11:55

Yanbu. Your friend sounds like a busybody.

hesterton · 26/02/2017 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PickAChew · 26/02/2017 12:01

Tell your friend to wind her neck in.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/02/2017 12:02

I agree with, hesterson. You are being very sensible and reasonable. However I can see why people could get defensive.

quarkinstockcubes · 26/02/2017 12:03

Yanbu but I can see why your friend is worked up. No one wants to think that somone around them thinks that they might have hurt their own dc. The more I think of it actually it wouldn't occur to me to report child with a black eye, unless I knew of something to back it up such as a very shouty/aggressive parent.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 26/02/2017 12:08

I think you have a refreshing, sensible view on this. Your friend is a classic example of over reaction.

Pollyanna12345 · 26/02/2017 12:10

I would wonder how they could have contacted her school unless they were someone very close to you so that's all that would concern me, sounds like it could have actually been the school who made the referal although I would have thought they were duty bound to tell you.
I do understand why they would check up on a black eye but if your daughter is at school I presume able to tell them if asked!

SparklyLeprechaun · 26/02/2017 12:10

I'm with your sister, I would want to know who and why. I could only imagine that someone really has a grudge on me and I would be concerned they might try it again. I wouldn't be upset at the call from ss, they are doing their job, but what kind of weirdo reports a parent to ss because of a black eye and no other reason?

MrsTwix · 26/02/2017 12:11

I'd rather they checked 100 innocent reasons than miss 1 genuine abuse case.

The most reasonable thing I've heard all day. It nice that your friend cares though.

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2017 12:15

Your friend is an idiot.

Surely she knows the school aren't going to tell you who made the report?

Witchend · 26/02/2017 12:18

Sounds like the school has approached them.

It could have been that when they initially asked her, she clammed up. it may be she said she ran into her sister, her sister then denied it (thinking she'd be in trouble). It could be that the school's policy is to report anything on the face.

I got referred once by the hospital as ds fractured his wrist and I didn't take him in for 7 days. He's been away when he did it, so he'd only been back with me for 3 days, and he was mostly using it without any problems and he really didn't complain (except when I took him in to be x-rayed)
Because it had been a week before I took him to be checked it automatically got referred.
I don't think there was any follow up at all.
I saw their point. I suspect if it happened again they would ask bigger questions, and if it safeguards a child who needs it, then it's worthwhile.

Having said that then I suspect if someone would very quickly learn to say it was 6 days ago not 7 which might make it harder to pick up.

user1471467016 · 26/02/2017 12:19

Whilst this report may have came from anywhere.
In schools protocols need to be followed, rightly so. Concerns, raised, checked and investigated. Too often, whilst people always agree with this in principle, they very rarely do about themselves. There is generally always a reason why the exception should have been made in their case. The anger, aggression, fury and spite that follows is tiring. It heartening that the views here reflect a more rounded, reflective approach, particularly you (OP)!!!

Pollyanna12345 · 26/02/2017 12:21

From how I've read it SS contacted and said they had already contacted the school who had no concerns
This would make me think it would have to have been a parent at the same school or the school itself who made the report as I would have assumed ( maybe wrongly ) that if it were a neighbour / stranger who made the report SS would have contacted the parent directly and then onto the school rather than the other way around!
Maybe it was the school themselves who made the report?

OneWithTheForce · 26/02/2017 12:21

Your friend sounds like she loves a bit of drama. Ignore (and keep an eye on) her.

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2017 12:25

Anyone could have made the call to SS

The school wont necessarily have been told who made the call, because it's irrelevant.

For example, a neighbour could have given the child's name, address and school to SS, which is all they needed.

DianaMemorialJam · 26/02/2017 12:25

I would be gutted, but like you said it's completely understandable why they check these things out. They have a tough job to do under difficult circumstances with limited funding so fair play to them I suppose.

Jaxhog · 26/02/2017 12:25

I'd rather they checked 100 innocent reasons than miss 1 genuine abuse case.
this

It's nice that your friend is indignant on your behalf. But it really isn't her business!

atheistmantis · 26/02/2017 12:26

I wonder if your friend was the one who made the call and went over the top in case you suspected that she had made the call?

Astro55 · 26/02/2017 12:28

No SS would get a report from school - they have the child for long stretches and the know the child - it's not unusual! They get the facts before they ring the parent

I also had a call after DS was hurt - they are just doing their jobs

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2017 12:29

It's one thing being indignant on the OP's behalf

But quite another to be encouraging her to whip up some kind of big drama about it, with the school.

Like the Head is going to say "Oh yeah, Tommy's mum from green class reported you"

Booshbeesh · 26/02/2017 12:30

Ur friend sounds defensive....

Hotfuzzed · 26/02/2017 12:32

I can understand why someone might be a bit affronted if they felt a friend had reported them. However as someone who works in social services I would always say you never know what goes on behind closed doors; just because someone is your friend you can't assume they are incapable of hurting their child.

I know that sounds depressing. But I've lost count of the amount of reasonable people in professional jobs who dismiss claims of obvious abuse because 'I know my friend/niece/sister and she wouldn't do that'.

Op you sound like you've got your head in the right place.

Fairenuff · 26/02/2017 12:34

How do you know they were who they said they were? Not sure if I would be discussing that on the phone with a stranger who rang me.

barinatxe · 26/02/2017 12:40

YABU. People have a right to face their accuser, it's a basic tenet of justice.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.